I(22F) have known my best friend and her girlfriend(Both 22F) since before they started dating. Quick background info: we were all friends of friends in sophomore year(high school) but I was closer to the girlfriend up until covid where we ultimately stopped talking. My best friend switched schools and then I switched to her school and that’s then we started becoming each other’s besties (I’m gonna start abbreviating best friend as bff). My bff told me she had a crush on her girlfriend and on her 22nd birthday I got them to start talking. (Side Note: time frame wise – I started dating my boyfriend(23M) 8 months before her bday)
To make a long story shorter, I wanted all of us to be friends since I knew the girlfriend in high school and we started hanging out as a group every now and again. In the midst of it all, the girlfriend expressed to me that she severely dislikes my boyfriend, and he starts to pick up on it. I tell her, he’s starting to notice, she says well I can’t help it. Somewhere in that conversation, she tells me that she likes that MY BEST FRIEND isn’t as smart as her previous girlfriend. Obviously I had to tell her. Well somewhere in this mess my boyfriend finds out officially that she doesn’t like him. So now I HAVE to dislike her for his sake. The girlfriend ends up getting mad at me for telling my bff what she said about her so now we REALLY aren’t friends.
Fast forward to this week, I’m planning my bff’s gift (which is like 6 months away). It’s gonna be 23 letters from 22 people in her life (because I’m writing two hehe). I message the girlfriend describing what I’m doing, asking her to be apart of it. she doesn’t respond. I message her again 3 days after ultimately being like, “if you aren’t gonna talk to me talk to our other friend, this gift is for your girlfriend and its something her friends and family is apart of” (thats a summary of what I said). I guess you could consider how I went about messaging her to be rude but idk. She messages me back saying AND I QUOTE DIRECTLY FROM THE TEXT: “i appreciate you trying to incorporate me into this but i already had my own plans for my girlfriend” …… she then messages our friend all cutesy, ending it with this emoticon :3.
Please be so honest guys, I’ve been annoyed by this, this whole week!
Are you sure you’re all in your twenties? Anyway, ESH, this is all ridiculously immature and petty.
Edit: fixed a word.
You’re an adult and this is high school drama
ESH. Stop all the drama and grow up. You’re all acting ridiculous.
ESH, but unfortunately, you’re more of TA.
The girlfriend is already being extremely petty talking behind everyone’s backs, but you’re no better when you’re fanning the flames. You tried to force everyone into one friend group, gossiped to your boyfriend and friend, got defensive and took sides instead of just accepting that the girlfriend doesn’t like your boyfriend, and now you’re *insisting* on still being present in this toxic situation by trying to involve the girlfriend in your relationships again.
You’re doing nothing but complicating a relationship that was already souring on its own. I get that you think you’re helping, but you’re doing nothing but sticking your hands in affairs where they don’t belong and acting like a petty child. The best you can do is leave those two alone now.
I wouldn’t say she was gossiping with her friend, more that she was having her friend’s back. If my friend’s partner told me they were glad that my friend wasn’t as smart as their exes, I’d also tell my friend. They should know what their partner is saying about them.
Also, OP didn’t even tell her boyfriend that the gf didn’t like him, he found out, probably because the gf wasn’t being very subtle.
This is a tough read. Mostly because you’re all grown adults acting like this. Stop it. You all suck.
ESH, geez what are we13? Talk about childish drama.
ESH.
Neither of you will be with the SOs in a few years so just make sure you and the bff stay good.
ESH but especially you. There was literally no reason for you all to be friends and you’re weird for encouraging it. You literally knew she didn’t like your bf but had him hanging around her unaware until he started to notice. Why didn’t you tell him? You so easily gossiped to your bff that her gf called her stupid but no warning for your actual bf… also, if she wants to do her own thing for her gf who cares?? It’s her right. Your gift incorporating people who didn’t even agree to it, is what’s crazy.
ESH.
Manipulative and petty are the two words I was thinking the entire time I read this.
Good luck on convincing the next group of people to be your friend.
YTA. Doing the two letters and asking her to contribute one is weird.Seems to be more about showing bestie status then making it about your bff.
Make it less about you and she’ll likely hop on board.
If she does, expect her to still do something special anyways. It’s what you do when you are in relationship.