Okay, so, context. I 20 female, met 20 female (let’s call her…uh Bessy some fuck ass name idk) back in middle school, she was one of my closest friends, till COVID hit and we lost contact all together, back in july I discovered she moved into my apartment complex when i was out walking. We reconnected I got her snap and we became best friends again basically. Towards mid November she started coming over almost everyday, spending the night, and then I struggle with severe anorexia and OCD, I walk hours on end everyday, 8-10 hours due to this. I don’t allow myself to take rest days. She would often come with me on those walks, I never really asked her too, she insisted, she told me she didn’t want me to be alone. Then back towards the end of December just right before Christmas my eating disorder took a major toll on me while she was over, she came with me to the hospital and never left my side, refused to go to her work, when I got out of the hospital she stayed with me the whole day and went shopping with me spent the night then after that we just naturally took a break from each other didn’t talk for 3 days, she out of nowhere hits me up asking if she can Uber me to the mall, right then and there. I said no, it was cold out and I had started walking again but more intuitively, I had my day kinda mapped out when I wanted to walk and I told her I just simply didn’t want to hang that day and she told me I was selfish and that I only want things to go my way, that it being cold was just an excuse because I’ve walked outside before in the negatives, that I was being an asshole and being my friend was exhausting. I feel really selfish and that she was right I can be self centered a lot, I don’t hang with my family I don’t really do much outside of walking and working doing design work on my phone. However I did find out later that she had lied about me when I was in the hospital by another mutual friend who works with her, she I guess told everyone I was in a coma???? And that my parents weren’t there or cared about me, saying she had to help me relearn to walk and eat, which I’m just really confused about. But yeah, basically this whole thing has made me question my character, I really do feel selfish about this.
Yes you are exhausting and frankly, quite dismissive of a friend who has gone above and beyond for you.
She is your friend, not your therapist or doctor. What you actually need is professional medical assistance. There is no shame in asking for help. There is also no shame in having parents who want to help you in any way they can.
Did you not read the part where the friend lied about OP to mutual friends claiming that OP had “been in a coma (she was not) and her parents didn’t care about her and that the friend had helped OP re-learn how to walk and eat (also untrue)?!?!?!”
Edit: OP, I think you should put paragraphs into your post because I suspect some people are voting without reading the whole post. Particularly not the last paragraph about her lies. That should start with “However”
you sound exhausting. she was there for you and you couldn’t show up one time? therapy. asap.
I am exhausted. So yes, I can only imagine being friends with me is pretty exhausting.
How does someone walk 8 to 10 hours a day? Do you have a job? Sounds like your eating disorder completely consumes your life. My advice is you need intense therapy.
I don’t know anymore, it’s all I really know and I’ve been doing it for 2 years straight, and it has. But it’s gotten better. Been doing 5 – 7 hours.
NTA. Your “friend” sounds like a crisis vampire. There for you only as long as it feeds into her need to tell the world how she’s sacrificing for you. Hearing people call her an angel, praising her.
People like this want to ursurp your actual crises for attention for themselves, and they often enmesh themselves and become controlling, like they own you. Your personal struggles become their whole identity.
It seems like you have an incredibly caring friend at first, and then you realize – they want control over you. What you may not realize for a while is that they also want you to continue to be in crisis. How can they be praised as your savior if you don’t continue to be in crisis?
I don’t know you or her, so make your own judgements on whether this is what’s going on. But please consider the possibility. She may be a real friend and you just had a riff. Or she may be someone very dangerous to your recovery.
Thank you for your input. I honestly see what you’re saying, and it’s made me question basically everything. She had this roommate who she made seem like this god awful person, I LITERALLY broke into her apartment to steal her cat from her roommate I thought it was in danger but she was literally fine. I am honestly starting to think wasnt nearly as Bessy made her out to be.
YTA
NTA
She already stated that she never asked her to do these things. Being around a person all day everyday can be exhausting. Even more so if you don’t want them or expect them to be there.
It sounds like her friend just inserted themselves into her life. Just because you live in the same building and have been friends in the past does not give you a pass on invading someone’s space.
Girl you got enough to deal with sounds like she needs to go to CODA. I have a cousin who’s an actress. I live near all the studios and she texts after shoots expecting to hang out. NTA take care
I think it boils down to a question: do you lead her on?
Because, the way this story is told, this is a mostly unilateral friendship and Bessy is smothering OP with acts of devotion which were not really asked of her, and now is demanding emotional retribution.
If you haven’t led her on, you’re NTA.
Not really, if anything I kind of felt lead on? I in a way had feelings for her, which I probably should’ve mentioned, she helped me discover my sexuality, I was honest with her and she told me she was straight but that it didn’t affect our friendship and I moved on after that.