For the longest time I was the guy that would go anywhere and do anything no matter how much I didn’t want to. I am now 20 and I’m getting done with that mindset.
I have this group of friends, we’ve all known each other for almost 10 years other than one person. My friends girlfriend, I’ll call her Y.
She was chill at first but then started getting very irritating and very overwhelming. She would randomly talk about my best friends dick size, her sex life with him, very disgusting personal things I didn’t want to know. I understand we’ve been friends for a while but some things should be kept to yourself.
In 2024 I got diagnosed with Panic Disorder and it completely uprooted my life. A lot of changes including quitting weed which our entire friend group smoked. It was a hard process to get sober, bad withdrawals plus constant panic attacks. She targeted my mental health a lot, multiple times. She apologized later about it but it’s stuck with me.
My friend and Y suck at planning, I had to text her to see if anything was going on. I get told she is sitting at home hanging with friends and smoking so if I wanna go over I can. I don’t want to. I feel obligated to.
Last year when I didn’t show up because of the withdrawals and panic attacks she made it a GIANT deal for months. Just because I stayed home and fell asleep because I felt like shit. I just wanna stay home and chill and not be around the weed smoke and shit. But at the same time I don’t wanna deal with the passive aggressive remarks and the drama if I don’t go. She’s childish.
AITAH?
NTA at all. You’re allowed to outgrow being the “always down” friend, especially when your mental health is literally on the line and they’re making it worse.
If she’s gonna mock your panic disorder and then sulk for months because you didn’t come smoke with them, that’s not a friend, that’s a walking anxiety trigger. Stay home, protect your peace, and if your best friend doesn’t get it, that’s a separate convo you need to have with him.
The one thing I’m fully worried about is that I texted her asking. If I didn’t, I don’t think she would’ve texted me about it so I shot myself in the foot on that one. Just wanted to be nice. I probably won’t, just don’t wanna deal with the confrontation/ drama after
NTA for not wanting to go, but you do need face the fact that the relationships are not beneficial any longer. You seem to be hanging on out of habit. Pur yourself first and state clearly those type of hangouts don’t appeal to you any longer. Don’t argue or debate about it. It may be time to close the chapter on both of them.
Thinking about it, just seems like my friend is trying but Y is stressing him the fuck out. Honestly feel like if they break up he will go back to his normal chill self. She’s been causing a lot of issues and problems in their relationship. He just had a 14 hour shift the other day after a lot of bullshit, got home and passed out for the night and she was spamming his phone and he woke up with 65 missed calls.
NTA. Put her on mute. Sometimes when you stop using substances you discover you just had smoking/drinking buddies.
I have a friend who got stage 4 brain cancer. When he stopped partying he said everyone scattered like cockroaches.
It sounds like you are experiencing something similar. Perhaps only message your friend directly birthday wishes and mute his girlfriend.
You don’t need to entertain other peoples nonsense, it is important to protect your piece.
I had another friend who got clean and any time she was shot down. She would just say Yep that’s me. Must suck to be you. She just had this way of turning it around on them making them look like aholes without even really saying much.
It’s his girlfriend’s birthday, we used to be close but now not really. She’s just caused so many issues and so much drama that I just don’t like her.
NTA, she is dangerous for your health.
NTA – unless you do it every time, your friends should not mind you saying no to hanging out. If I told any of my friends, no I’m good I just wanna relax and chill, they’d say no worries catch you next time and that would be the end of it.
NTA
not gonna lie if it was me I’d also have a talk with your friend about her and be very vocal about it to the other ftiends.
Like, “I don’t need to know guy’s disk size, why is she even disclosing stuff like that, she seems immature, insecure and why is she raising a stink about me not coming?? Im an adult and my own person I can do whatever I want, I don’t owe you shit, why she being so dramatic and isn’t it exhausting for him” kind of talk.
They are not your friends. Also bad withdrawal from weed means you were all taking way too much, good on you for quitting. NTA
Of course you aren’t the AH. Congratulations on setting boundaries. It’s part of growing up. You stop succumbing to peer pressure.
You need to take care of yourself first. She sounds like a person who would abandon you with no thought. It’s good you quit weed. Good luck.
NTA
NTA. Her reactions are her problem, not your responsibility.
NTA
You are 20. You know you don’t have to like everyone or have everyone like you. Go or don’t, but make that choice based on what you need for you. Let your friend know that you and her don’t mesh well and that if there is something going on, he should tell you. If he doesn’t tell you what is going on, then you will know that your friendship isn’t as important as she is, and that sucks, but you are an adult. You will be able to cope.