I (18F) grew up mostly with my mum. We were poor and she was abusive for most of my childhood. My parents had shared custody but my dad hardly showed up, and when he did he was often under the influence of drugs.
When I was 12 I was taken from my mum and placed with my dad. He would leave me alone for long periods, the house was a mess, and he constantly had different women over. He didn’t really parent me.
I later moved in with his mum after our house got raided. She constantly criticised my weight and body and ridiculed me, which led to eating problems. Around this time my dad also exposed me to drugs which really affected me.
When I was 16 I went on holiday with my aunt. One night we went out drinking even though I was underage. I ended up in a very unsafe situation and something traumatic happened to me while she didn’t help me. I never told anyone and tried to forget about it.
Later I moved back in with my dad after his girlfriend moved out, but he kicked me out not long after, so I moved in with my grandad. I tried to cut my parents off but they kept pushing contact and I felt guilty.
My dad later got a house with his girlfriend and her child and stopped talking to me for months. Recently he started making a small effort again. His girlfriend ignores me and acts like I don’t exist.
On Christmas morning he told me she’s pregnant. I’m not happy about it. After everything, I feel like I was a test run. His mum even said she’s happy she can replace me.
There was also serious abuse when I was younger that was dismissed when I tried to tell someone.
Now he’s suddenly trying because he’s going to be a dad again, but it feels too late. I feel thrown away after everything I went through growing up. He’s also racist towards my boyfriend.
NTA
NTA Your feelings are 100% justified.
But, I will add that zebras don’t change their stripes. It may look like your dad is starting over and really trying to do better this time, but being older isn’t enough to suddenly make him a stellar dad. It’s likely this child will be born into the same environment you were, just a different decade. If you want to be kind, you’ll let your half sibling come live with you in 12 years when you have your independent life together, and they are getting kicked out for the first time.
She may decide to extend kindness to her half sibling, but isn’t obliged to do so in any way. OP appears to have gone through enough; it doesn’t seem fair to pressure children from abusive families into picking up the pieces from the failures down the line. They deserve the chance at their own life without the expectations to be responsible for their parents decades into the future.
NTA. You’ve got a lot to be angry about. Cut them all off and focus on your own life.
NTA. I hope you get the chance for therapy and get to work on healing yourself. Concentrate on living your best life.
NTA
You don’t deserve your parents.
All I would say is that best form of revenge is to live well (and don’t let them leech off you).
If the opportunity presents itself, I’m sure your little sibling would be grateful for any support you could provide, because I doubt your dad has changed so much, and your sibling will likely find themselves in similar situations to the ones you were in.
NTA but I wouldn’t even bother trying to repair a relationship that has damaged you so much. I am so cynical I am thinking he is looking for free babysitting later on. Has your dad made any REAL effort? You say he’s made small efforts. Don’t settle for crumbs. I wouldn’t even introduce my future children into an extended family like that.
I have a friend who grew up in an abusive household. The best thing he did was get an education. He even slept in a car while going to college. He is old now but he made a good and successful life for himself. You can, too.
Try to get yourself a better life. Good luck.
NTA
You´re perfectly justified in feeling that way. Your dad has lost any right he ever had to calling himself your parent.
If I were you, I would probably try making one last effort to impress on dad´s girlfriend how shitty a father your dad really is – because she deserves to know how shitty a father he is going to be to her children. Plus, having done what you could to prevent him from ruining those kids´ childhood like he ruined yours may make you feel better.
NTA You should be angry with your whole family. And you’ve heard the saying “a leopard never changes his spots”. Your sperm-donor will be back to his old ways soon enough. The newness of a baby will wear off and your half-sibling (so far the only relative who hasn’t screwed you over) will get the same unfatherly treatment you got.
NTA. Please cut off your family if you can. Or at least him and his side. It’s hard being young as you need them but I did it at 17, it can be done. I would be so far gone now if I had stayed.
Sorry this happened, people should not have children without some sort of mental health test.
NTA. You are allowed to be angry.
Cut everybody off and go to therapy/healing journey! F*** all the adults in your life. Every single one of them failed you. And unless they’re going ti apologize and make amends and you can forgive (on your terms), cut them out! You owe them nothing!
You didn’t say anything bad about your Grandad so maybe keep him around
And it feels like your dad will probably keep bugging you so I’d send one text or email. That he failed you and you need your space. Or get with a therapist to figure out if that’s even worth it.
Give yourself grace and space. Remember you have made it this far in spite of them. You deserve to find peace.
NTA. But for real. Find a safe outlet. The gym. Hiking. Kick boxing. Whatever. Because, stress and anger hurt us. Not them. Does he have the right to take anything else from you? Your health? No. So, have these feelings, you deserve them. But don’t stay there. You will never be able to understand why he is the way he is so, accept, and move on. Anger is poison. For you. He will be just fine
NTA, but your whole family are awful awful people. Cut them out of your life, seek therapy to help resolve your feelings, and focus on having a great life going forward
Please don’t let how they treated you define how you are!
They did not treat you like that because you do not deserve to be loved and cared for, because you DO deserve that!
They did it because THEY are shitty persons.
Cut them off like dog shit on your shoe and live your life free and in the knowledge that you deserve much, much better!