I (M40) have a roommate (F50s) who I share a bathroom with. There’s another bathroom in the house, but it doesn’t have my stuff in it and it’s pretty much just our third roommate’s bathroom. This morning, I put my bathrobe and testosterone gel in the bathroom and then I noticed the bathroom trash bag was in the hallway, the sign i’m supposed to take it out. I went to do that. While I was gone, her friend went into the bathroom. I came upstairs and saw the bathroom was occupied and i assumed it was by her. I sat down on the stairs in my tank top and underwear to wait. She came out of the bedroom and demanding to know what I was doing. I said I was waiting to use the bathroom. She said it was childish and disgusting I was sitting on the stairs in my filthy underwear and she said I would scare her friend when he came out and he was taking a shit and he couldn’t hear me and why couldn’t I use the other bathroom. I asked her why she’s always angry at me and she said she wasn’t angry she just couldn’t understand my thinking. She didn’t believe me when I said I wouldn’t be scared if I was in her friend’s position. When the friend came out I did try to apologize to him but I don’t think he could hear me. I would apologize to her but she doesn’t like apologies. Am I the Asshole?
edit: this is the conversation we should have had:
Roommate: Heads up, but my friend is in the bathroom and he would be uncomfortable seeing you in your underwear.
Me: Oops, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a guest. I’ll go wait in my bedroom.
Roommate: No problem. Next time I’ll tell you when I have a guest over.
YTA, but not like… evil. Just weird.
Sitting on the stairs in underwear outside a bathroom someone else is using (especially a guest) is objectively uncomfortable for everyone involved. It gives “waiting outside the principal’s office” energy.
Put on shorts, wait in your room, or use the other bathroom. This didn’t need to be a thing
I couldn’t use the other bathroom since the other bathroom doesn’t have my towel, toiletries, bathrobe, or t gel, but I could have waited in my bedroom
NTA but I grew up with brothers.
I don’t get roommate issues. Rules of the house aren’t laid out?
NAH
You assumed it would be your roommate & it doesn’t sound like your intention was to be a weirdo
She sounds a little unhinged, I would look for a new living situation
NTA.
The fact that you were unnecessarily specific about which personal items (ie, the t-gel) you left in the bathroom feels weird.
The fact that you didn’t avail yourself of the bathrobe that you had with you while taking out the trash feels weird.
I needed to explain the bathrooms aren’t interchangeable and i could not have showered in the other bathroom
NTA.
I would’ve done everything I needed to do in the bathroom before taking the trash out though
NTA. If you hanging out in your underwear isn’t something that scares your roommate, there is no reason to suspect it would frighten her companion. Plus you left your robe and T-Cream in the bathroom her companion was presently occupying.
I suspect the problem is that your roommate was concerned what her companion would think of her male roommate hanging out in his underwear in the first place. Someone could easily misinterpret that indicates you and your roommate were involved. (Most platonic friends don’t hang out in their underwear with each other.)
I usually do wait in my bedroom but my roommate has gotten angry at me before when she leaves the bathroom to let me use it and I’m not there immediately to enter it. And I guess that morning I was feeling stressed out so I did something stupid.
NTA, I grew up with a brother and dad who also waits outside the bathroom door, reddit so weird to say your an ah for that You are wearing a shirt at least, maybe put on jogging pants though, esp since your roommate is a woman. Also, why did you have to specify what you left in the bathroom? That was a bit weird…
NTA’ish. The anger is probably because being over 40 and having to live with roommates has got to suck.
NTA. Let’s break down the absolute insanity of her reaction.
You were waiting, quietly, in your own home, in your own hallway. The “problem” is that you were doing it while existing in a state she disapproved of (sitting, in underwear).
Her logic:
A grown man sitting on stairs = “childish.”
A person in their own home wearing underwear = “disgusting.”
Someone seeing another person in a hallway = a terrifying, scarring event.
Is her friend a fainting Victorian duchess who has never seen a man in his underwear before? What exactly was supposed to happen? Was he going to clutch his pearls and scream?
You’re not the asshole for waiting for the bathroom. She’s the asshole for creating a bizarre, imaginary scandal out of absolutely nothing.
NTA. A lot of these takes are weird as shit. It’s your house as much as the roommates. You were not doing anything sexual or inappropriate, literally just waiting for the bathroom you thought you’d be able to get back into quickly.
And wtf is with people saying “dirty underwear” when it’s just the clothes you’d been wearing for 24 hours. Is it somehow better at 20 hours? JFC… It’s not like you’ve got dingleberries that you were dragging across the steps.
I’m a woman who has roommated with men and women before. Sometimes guy roommates had to walk back to their room in only a towel because they forgot something or other. I didn’t care because – 1. I wasn’t seeing anything I might not see if we all went to the beach together, and 2. ***It’s their freaking house too***
If everyone is adults, I truly don’t see what people are freaking out about.