I slept at my boyfriends house last night, and before he picked me up he asked me to bring my laptop because he wanted to play a game with me. The next morning, he drove me home and as soon as I got in the door I realized I forgot my laptop at his house. I called him quickly and asked if he could bring me my laptop from his house because I had work for class that I needed to do. He said no, and that he was tired and that he already drove me home so he wasn’t willing to drop off my laptop. For context, he only lives 10-15 mins away from my house, so it’s not like the drive is long. Even though he said he was tired, I knew he was going out to see his friends later so that didn’t really make sense to me. He said I could bus to get it, but that would take me about an hour or so (2 hours there and back) so I refused. I called him again and asked again to bring it, but I started to get pretty upset. I told my mom that I had left it there, and she looked at me all disappointed and was asking why he couldn’t bring it. She started saying how he was being rude, which was really embarrassing for me because I don’t want my mom to think I’m with a loser. 15 mins before I told her, she was freaking out about something that happened to her and she was really anxious and I told my bf that in hopes he wouldn’t make us drive to his house. Long story short, my mom ended up driving me to his house to get the laptop. When I got in the car she was pretty upset and was saying how he wasn’t a gentleman. I felt so much shame. I forgot to mention that on the call with my boyfriend, I explained how him not dropping off my laptop made me feel like he wasn’t putting in effort for me, and he got very defensive and ended up saying “well I guess I don’t put any effort in then.” He’s texting me right now, but I’m not responding because I don’t know how to feel and if I’m the asshole. Am i the asshole for getting mad, or is it justified that he didn’t want to drop off my laptop.
NTA, It’s totally normal to forget an item at someone’s house. I would start thinking if this is what you want from a partner, someone who isn’t willing to go out of his way when you need him.
NTA. He probably spent more time arguing with you and texting apologies than it would have taken him to bring you the laptop.
If he’s your boyfriend and he already won’t do you a favor, imagine being married to him 😬😬
NTA – it’s just bonkers that he wouldn’t do it.
NTA. He’s your bf and could have dropped it off but didn’t want to. He would be ok with you traveling an hour on the bus each way vs a 20min car ride for him? Not very considerate, mistakes happen in life and that’s part of life. You made a mistake forgetting your laptop and your partner chose not to help you.
NTA . What you asked isn’t unreasonable and if the tables were turned do you think he would be angry? Now I think you can talk it out but remember if it becomes a pattern. I have a feeling your mom just wants you to have a supportive partner and maybe witnessed red flags on this guy . A conversation with her might be eye opening for you. At the end of the day you’re not an asshole for asking.
You should have hooked up with a better BF on the bus.
If you stay with this tool, don’t ever bring anything of yours to his place again.
NTA
NTA.. my bf once drove 2 hours round trip to bring me something I needed. Bro couldn’t spare 20 mins..?
This is where my head is at. It’s not that I forgot anything the first time, but I was sick as a dog so I canceled our date so he wouldn’t catch it. I was also super depressed after my grandma died. We had only been dating for two months. He bought me Chinese food from his favorite place and brought it 2 hours round trip to me as comfort food (I also wanted hot and sour soup to help clear my sinuses).
Now that we live together? I work nights, he works days. If I forget to buy something I need one of the mornings he picks me up that he’s off work, or the night before one of my nights off, he grabs it on lunch/after work without complaint. He offers to do it sometimes. He *wants* to do little things for me.
NTA. Should you have forgotten your laptop? No but that doesn’t make you an asshole. Mistakes happen. He was already planning to go out so even if he didn’t want to drive back right away then he could have made plans to drop it off when he was going again. The fact that he didn’t want to make the drive which would have been easier than making you take the bus which would have taken a lot longer. Especially since he was the one who wanted you to take your laptop over.
break up you can do better bestie
NTA, also your BF is showing you where his priorities are and how he will treat you in the future if you ever need him.
NTA. If he didn’t have anything urgent to do he should have been willing to make the drive. I get the sense you would have done that for him if the positions were reversed. His behaviour was disrespectful of both your time and your mother’s.
Well all the men with the AH judgments on here are nice walking red flags for potential women looking to date. It is bonkers to me that to save a woman 120 minutes round trip on a bus you wouldn’t take half an hour out of your evening or drop it off on your way out with the boys. Especially since she only brought it over in the first place to please him! NTA but you need to seriously tell him you’re starting to rethink the relationship, given his lack of effort.
I cannot believe that he would suggest you take a bus. Your mom is right. He is not a gentleman.