I (f, 29) stand before the court of Reddit to discuss a situation that happened 5-6 years ago but still comes to my mind now and then. I wonder if there is a way I could have acted differently or if the community thinks that the problem lies elsewhere.
When I was in uni, I went to do some shopping for a big project and took the bus to the nearest mall. It was very rainy that day so a small group of people and I searched for shelter under the wee bus stop.
Among others there was a child (around 7 maybe, definitely already in school) which sat on the only bench behind me and was swinging her legs back and forth playfully. Her mom was standing next to her. The girl lightly kicked my knee when she reached too far – which was not a problem for me, she probably didn’t calculate right and did it by accident. Startled, I looked around and made eye contact with her but brushed it off and didn’t say anything.
But from then on the girl was kind of testing the limits as to how far she could kick her legs before she hits me so after a minute or so I addressed her directly in a calm voice (because that’s how I learned to talk to children during my kindergarden internship) that I do not wish to be kicked and if she could please stop. I also made pleading eye contact with her mom who saw what had happened but didn’t say anything. Then she started to scold me as to why I tell her child what to do. An old man who was not related to or familiar with the family judging by how he hasn’t interacted with either of them chimed in and took the mother’s side. They both berated me as to how I could speak to the child "like that" and if i do not understand that "kids are kids".
The rest of the bus stop was silent but the two of them kept criticising me until the bus came.
So yeah, AITA for asking a child to stop kicking me?
Nta but all three of them were
I dunno. You say your voice was calm, but this stranger unrelated to either party apparently felt your tone was inappropriate? Hard for me to overrule an eye witness so yta. Perhaps you weren’t as calm as you think?
NTA.
Although its obviously difficult in the moment, it’s times like that which gives you the opportunity to really turn the table. “Ma’am, your child is the least polite and most disrespectful little shit I’ve come across. You must be an awful parent to let your kids kick strangers.” If they escalate, you escalate. “Failure to properly supervise ones child is grounds for removal by Child Protective Services. Will we give them a call and see if your poor parenting here gives them cause to investigate?”
If mom thinks being kicked isn’t a big deal then tell mom you will assume you can kick her each time her daughter kicks you. Watch her suddenly decide that’s not okay.
NTA. Children being held responsible for their behavior, even for minor offenses like this, is so important. Permissive parenting leads to entitled kids who have no respect for others. Assuming your tone truly was calm and you were in no way intimidating, I believe you were well within your rights to ask the child to stop.
That’s when you bust out “santa isn’t real, and it is your fault your parents divorced.”
NTA tell the mum parent her child
Why are you still thinking about this 5-6 years later?
Probably because this happened during a very stressful time in my life and that just added to the emotional turmoil 😅
NTA
The child felt comfortable with kicking because she knew her mother would ignore it because “she’s just a kid”. The mother did NOT like you proving that telling a child to stop was necessary, because it proved that she could’ve done so but didn’t. The old man simply did not have the context and saw a mom yelling about “mistreating a child”.
NTA frankly you weren’t assertive enough. “Well, ma’am, if you didn’t raise such a little shit, strangers wouldn’t have to tell you what to do. And as for you, old man, if you’d like to volunteer to get your knees kicked, feel free, but don’t project your masochism on me.”
NTA
I hate this crap. Happens on airlines all the time. The village has a duty to educate kids about not harming others with their body. The village only pipes up when the parent neglects their duty.
The mother gave her child permission of how to treat people not realizing that she will use her behavior on people who won’t be as kind as you or her actions towards others could have her charged with assault.