AITA
My partner and I have a 2 bedroom apartment and we use one of the bedrooms as an office. We both like our space and essentially got a bigger apartment so that when we need space from each other, we can actually have space. My partner works from home but has a flexible schedule and can make his own hours. Sometimes the projects he works on will pop up at the last minute and if he doesn’t work on them then, he misses the opportunity. I am a therapist with a private practice, but I also work a full time job from 9-5, so my private practice sessions are in the evenings and on weekends. As of right now I have two clients, meaning that for 2 hours in the evening each week I need to use the office to have sessions because I can’t have the sessions in the other rooms. It is inappropriate to have a virtual session from our bedroom and we have dogs so the living room is also not an option. My partner refuses to give up the office and be away from his computer few hours a week so that I can have sessions and grow my practice. He says that I just want a things to be my way and that I’m not considering what he wants.
My partner says he’s willing to work around my schedule, but also says those 2 hours are important to him to be on the computer whether or not he has any work to do. He also says that he would only be willing to give up those ours in the office if there are other options, such as me holding my sessions elsewhere.
I do not want either of our desks in the bedroom bc it looks cluttered and he stays on the computer until 2,3,4 a.m. a lot of the nights which would keep me up. There is no room for the desks in the living room without it being extremely cluttered which stresses me out and not even having room for the dogs to play. Outside of the hours I am conducting my sessions, he has the office to himself.
Am I the asshole for asking him to share the office with me and work with me on the time I need to grow my practice?
Info: while you’re using the office, is he able to take his computer and work elsewhere in the apartment? Or is it a desktop?
NTA but you really have to think about his actions. he could easily occupy himself for two hours but he won’t because his comfort is worth more than supporting you. If he can’t figure it out might be time to find a different bf.
NTA you have very specific reasons to need the privacy of the office. Get him a laptop to move into the living room if he needs to be on his computer even when he doesn’t have a project.
NTA. It sounds like it is supposed to be a shared space, but he is not willing to share. I think it is important to point out that you need a private space for your appointments, but he can probably do his work anywhere.
If he’s staying on the computer until 2-4am multiple nights during the week, giving up time for two one-hour therapy sessions is next to nothing – especially since those two hours are bringing income into the household.
He’s being incredibly petty and selfish.
NTA.
NTA, you need privacy for HIPAA compliance. If he’s only monitoring the computer in case a task comes up, he can do that from another room or set up mobile alerts. This isn’t about you “wanting it your way”, but rather a requirement for the type of work you do.
NTA, your partner is an AH.
Why isn’t he flexible over a shared space?
It’s not like you’re trying to monopolise the room. I think he doesn’t view this as a shared space but as his space and you’re encroaching it, which is why he has an issue with it.
Can he not work out of a dining room or a couch for two hours if you guys planned ahead of time as to when you will be having your private practice sessions written down on a calendar?
Considering this is a therapy session , it needs to be done on a secure place where people cannot overhear. If he’s just working and not in meetings with video on, he can work out of anywhere!
NTA, I would propose to him 2 options.
1. he gives up the office for the 2 hours you’re requesting. It’s your job to work confidentially and he can surely give up 2 hours while you’re in a session. You’re really not asking for much!
or
2. he can pay for a rented space like a public conference room to put you up in for those 2 hours. I know most cities have a place like that, and tbh since you two had the arrangement the second room is an office for BOTH of you, and he’s pretty much showing you can use it when it’s not for your job, he can foot the bill of working somewhere else.
NTA you have confidentiality concerns and he doesn’t. Sounds like he doesn’t actually want to share the space and lied about it. Since you said partner I assume you aren’t married, I’m not saying break up but this would make me wonder if this person actually likes me or wants to build a life with me or if I’m just paying half the rent for their private office I can’t use.
NTA that’s a shared space, right? He needs to share it. You’re asking for 2 hours a week, when he’s not working. If he can’t be away from his computer for that time, when he’s not working, he has a problem.
Your other option is a fake background in your bedroom, but you shouldn’t have to do that.
> He also says that he would only be willing to give up those ours in the office if there are other options, such as me holding my sessions elsewhere.
Huh? He will only give up the hours if you don’t need them?
Am I drunk?
NTA. He is being incredibly foolish and shortsighted. This can be looked at from a purely resource issue: As y’all’s income grows, this problem goes away. Ergo, whatever grows the income is priority, ergo giving you these hours just makes more sense and puts yall closer to having a space with the space to avoid this.
Betcha you can sit down and do the math on how many clients/hours you will need in this space to generate enough for y’all to move to bigger place, or to justify you or him renting space elserwhere.
I think it’s obvious that he’s being unnecessarily uncompromising.
INFO: Do you split the rent/mortgage equally? Either way I think he is being at least a bit of the asshole but even more so if you are splitting bills evenly. Why is it even up to him at all whether you get to use your shared office, when he is allowed to use it basically whenever he wants? Why is the office his to decide and not yours? If he wants to carry on with this he should be paying 75% of the rent in my opinion as you have a two room place and he has a hair shaped use of one room and complete control over the other.
I can’t believe he is being so controlling over you wanting to use the room for a mere 2 hours a week. This is a huge red flag to me and if it’s the only one then maybe worth working on, however, are there other red flags in your relationship where his needs or opinions somehow take precedence over yours? How are you realistically ever meant to grow your business when he is allowed an office and you are not?
NTA
>He says that I just want a things to be my way and that I’m not considering what he wants.
Projection at its finest. NTA
>He also says that he would only be willing to give up those ours in the office if there are other options, such as me holding my sessions elsewhere.
Also he’s only willing to compromise if you have other options? That makes zero sense. Was that a typo?