My bio dad has been dead since I was a baby. I have zero memories of him and for a good amount of my childhood I had no father figure. Sure my mom and my siblings told me stories about him but that isn’t the same as actually knowing someone.
When I was eleven my mom married Jim ( fake name). He became my father figure while my sister only tolerate him. This is when my relationship with my sister and I started to fall apart.
She has always been mad about me replacing “dad”. She would make me feel bad about thinking as him as my father figure and that I was betraying “bio dad”
Our relationship got better after she went to college. The issue is I was looking through old photos with my mom and we saw a few of my bio dad at a themed park with my siblings.
Apparently before he died he would do little theme park trip with the kids. I asked Jim if we could go to a theme park and have some pictures.
He agreed and we went this weekend, I had a great time and posted some pictures on instagram.
My sister don’t take it well… we got into an argument. She claims I have been betraying bio dad and basically how dare I do something that bio dad did with them but with Jim. I pointed out that I see Jim as my dad. That I literally call him dad.
It went on for a while, qnd she told me I was being a bad daughter for replacing him. I had enough and told her that our bio dad ain’t my dad, that my dad is Jim and if she can’t accept that then maybe she ain’t my sister either.
She went to my other sibling and I am basically being told to apologize. I don’t want to, I am sick of her making me feel bad that I think of Jim as my dad and I don’t even remember bio dad at all
it wasn’t even the same themepark, the one we went to opened last year
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Update: I talked to my grandma and she helped me come up with a list about all the times my sister made me feel bad for having a relationship with Jim. It was pretty long and I have decided to take a step back from that relationship.
i am tired of feeling bad for having a father figure. I should not have to hide that I like my dad or be screamed at becuase I made him a Father’s Day card ( happened multiple times, and she even ripped one of them up)
i hope my sister get she help she needs but I am done. She is 22 , and should not be screaming at me over this.
My relationship with him doenst affect her at all.
For everyone thinking this was spite it really wasn’t. it was me living my life and I don’t wish to walk on glass around her anymore
I should be able to go on a dad-daughter day and post about it without being screamed at.
ESH. Even though you didn’t include ages, it’s clear that your siblings are older and they DO remember your bio dad. She’s wrong to police your relationship with Jim and say that you’re replacing biodad, but you’re being insensitive to the fact that she lost her father. Telling her that he isn’t your dad and she isn’t your sister is illogical and clearly just meant to be hurtful.
Well, clearly nothing else is getting through to the sister.
Also, sister has shamed and antagonized OP for years. Enough is enough. She can grieve any way she wants, but she doesn’t get to dictate OPs life.
See, I originally agreed with that sentiment but in another comment OP says “I don’t care about ghost anymore. It’s been almost 16 years. I’m over it” and that is so wildly insensitive to call her deceased father ghost… The sister needs to get grief counseling but OP talks about her bio dad as though he abandoned them, but he didn’t. He died… And her siblings love and miss him still. I actually think they all need counselling still, OP included, to deal with the anger towards her bio Dad. I agree that ESH but very gently, because OP is reacting to this situation with venom and being disparaging about bio Dad.
Hm, I hadn’t seen that comment, but I actually disagree with you. She never met him, there are no memories, zero attachment. Then she grew up in a household where her siblings grieved what was essentially a stranger, and if sister is this self-absorbed in her grief after 16 years, I don’t want to know what she was like when she was younger.
I think sister’s behaviour poisoned any chance OP might have ever had of actually forming an emotional connection to her bio dad, and I think her “anger” (I’d call it detachment, tbh, or maybe apathy) is definitely on her sister.