I (36F) am 5 months postpartum. My husband (34 M) and I welcomed our son last fall after years of infertility and multiple rounds of IVF. While becoming a mom has been an incredible joy it has also been physically and emotionally exhausting. I do most of it on my own as my husband works out of town 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. I had a c section and have honestly just struggled with recovery and PP mental health. Our baby had severe reflux hated being put down and would only sleep in short stretches. When my husband is home, I have asked him to help more so I can recover. Instead, his time often goes elsewhere but honestly that is a story for a different post.
Today my husband had plans to go to the shooting range with his friend. He left before I was even awake. At 12:50 pm I checked his location and saw he was at a strip club… I texted asking where he was. He said lunch. I replied, “at the strip club?” He said they were there for steak and fries. The conversation ensued about how I’m mad no matter why he does. I wrapped it up saying that I was not okay with this and felt incredibly disrespected. He did not reply. 3 hours later I messaged his friends wife- not to cause trouble, but because I needed someone to talk to. She had no idea he was there. When she called her husband he lied and said they were at twin peaks- she told him she knew and hung up on him. Immediately after that my husband called and texted me. Telling me how stupid and selfish I am, that I should start applying for jobs, that the bank is closed and that I should lawyer up. His friend also sent angry messages to me.
I then checked our bank account and saw my husband had moved all of our money out of our joint account.
So… AITA for telling my friend’s wife the truth?
NTA contact a woman’s shelter and lawyer up.
NTA but I have a hard time believing that this type of behavior just came out of nowhere. You should take you husband’s advice and find a lawyer ASAP.
NTA, but your husband is, geez. Already moving money like that ? For one that’s financial abuse, ans foe two thats such a wild over reaction it raises the question of does he often times have wild over reactions to issues ?
Nta but your husband is. Get a lawyer and get your money back. He’s financially abusing you and a judge won’t let him keep and hide money from you.
Get a lawyer asap. Don’t leave your marital home, make him leave if you can. Your husband is a giant jerk for a whole host of reasons but right now you need to protect yourself and your child asap.
nta. pretty sure moving the money is really going to bite him in the divorce, and also if this is how he acts i very much understand why you’re “mad no matter what he does”. get a lawyer.
Well, lawyer up. A good lawyer will smell the blood on the water. Your hubs majorly fucked up by draining the joint account; he will be served discovery orders and your lawyer will dig up every last penny.
Judges throw the books at divorcees who try to steal from marital assets.
NTA of course. Although you should probably drop the pretense that you weren’t trying to get the friend in trouble. He deserved trouble.
Discovery will also find marital assets he’s been hiding and spending on an affair during his two weeks away times (sorry but if he’s not I’ll eat my hat)
He is awful to you and to your child. Lawyer up and get a divorce. NTA
Definitely get a lawyer ASAP and see if you can go stay at some family or friends for awhile. I can guarantee a judge will not be happy he removed all the money so you and your child has nothing. Take him to the cleaners and if he thinks he isn’t going have to pay child support than he is dumber than a box of rocks.
Updateme
Get a forensic accountant also. They will find everything.
NTA but why do women spend so much money to have a baby with a man who isn’t all in? You can’t tell me he was eager about doing IVF. He doesn’t even seem to like you.
Please. I’m begging you. Divorce this man and get child support. It’ll be better than this.
Your husband is financially abusing you, lawyer up and leave his pathetic ass.
If he gets this upset over a strip club trip being called out, I can only imagine what else he does on the DL.
NTA. Get a lawyer now. You want to file for separation ASAP before he freezes/hides any more community assets.
Get documentation from the bank of your account balances as of yesterday and today (ie, before and after his shenanigans) to show what he did.
Pack up you and your baby and go to a friend, family, etc. Your husband is emotionally and now financially abusing you.
Do you have a joint credit card? Pull out as much in cash as you can today to compensate for not having access to community property funds. Keep careful documentation of this transaction and justification. It will be sorted out in the division of community assets, but you and your baby need cash to live on and he’s likely going to cancel your credit cards soon.
NTA
Oof, courts will NOT look favorably on a cheating man that financially abuses his freshly postpartum wife like this.
Lawyer up, this man is a dumpster fire.