I (F29) am getting married in April. The wedding is a bit short notice as my fiancé only proposed in December, but we chose April as we got a really good price for our dream wedding venue. We are offering plus-ones for our single guests.
My brother Fran (M27) is single and took us up on the plus-one offer. He wants to bring a girl, Dani (F26). Dani is a cam girl and Fran is a client of hers. Fran sometimes pays her to meet up in person and go on dates, and my wedding would be one of those times. I only know about the nature of their relationship because Fran started this while living with our parents and they eventually found out.
I’ve only met Dani a few times, once when Fran brought her to our aunt’s potluck baby shower. I feel like Dani’s behavior during this event was really inappropriate. They turned up 2 hours late (by then, most of the food was gone) with no dish and Dani kept loudly complaining she was hungry the whole event. She took a load of the unused paper plates and straws and stuffed them into her purse without asking if she could take them. She also made really rude comments towards my aunt about her pregnant belly and how "big" she is and how she should get liposuction after the baby. She managed to constantly make herself the center of attention by just generally being loud and unpleasant. This really upset our aunt. She vented to my mom (who wasn’t at the baby shower because she was sick) about it and when my mom confronted Fran, he had a meltdown and it was never brought up again.
I just find everything about her behavior really tacky, this plus the fact she’s not even Fran’s girlfriend or friend but his sex worker makes me really not want her at the wedding. At first I phrased it in a non-confrontational way and asked if there’s anyone else he’d like to bring, like one of his friends. Fran said no and got really defensive, and asked me why I’d ask him that. He then accused me of hating Dani for no reason.
I told him he’s welcome to bring someone else as his plus-one but he is not to bring Dani to the wedding because I’ve just not liked what I’ve seen with her behavior at the last family event she was at. He said I’m being judgemental and that Dani is a nice person. I asked Fran to please not make this a big deal and just bring one of his friends and have a nice time with the family. Fran started yelling at me, he called me a stupid bitch and said I’ve already offered him a plus-one so he’s bringing Dani and I can’t stop him, and that I’m being a terrible sister.
I feel like I’m going crazy because I don’t think I’m being massively unreasonable but this is the biggest fight I’ve ever had with Fran. Am I the asshole?
NTA. Uninvite your brother.
NTA- he called you a stupid bitch. You may not be able to disinvite him due to family pressure, or maybe you don’t want to because he’s your brother. But you can absolutely take away his plus one. That’s what I’d do; he forfeited it due to his behavior.
Hard agree. My personal rule is that no one who has called me a stupid bitch is invited to my wedding. But OP, you do you.
Def hold the line on the plus one. Fran’s upset is his own damn problem.
Eh, your wedding, your choice of who gets to attend. Hire a bouncer. It’ll be worth the money.
NTA, it’s okay you don’t want your brothers embarrassing, rude, paid escort to attend your WEDDING
wtf am I even reading here?? She sounded awful at the baby party- telling a pregnant woman at her own baby shower she’d need lipo?? Fuck that noise!
NTA. The fact that Dani is a sex worker is a non-issue. The fact that she made a spectacle of herself by stealing items from the host, complaining about lack of food after being late, insulting the host, etc.
I wouldn’t want her at my wedding either. If your parents can’t talk sense into your brother, be prepared to throw her out if she shows up anyway and acts up.
I slightly disagree. I think the issue is that she’s actively working as a sex worker whenever she’s with Fran. Simply being a sex worker wouldn’t be a problem, but being around while she’s actively working is something OP isn’t comfortable with, and that’s valid.
Yes, the question in my mind when I read the title was “Is this his girlfriend who cams or a cam girl he is arranging to bring?”
The first should be treated like a normal guest/+1. The second is gross and shows the brother doesn’t understand normal society.
In this case, brother needs some help because he is probably totally wrecking his finances plus reinforcing weird thought patterns that are getting in the way of having a successful normal relationship.
NTA at all. I suspect half the people voting Y T A didn’t bother reading the post and assumed you’re discrimination against sex workers. The fact that she’s proven herself a bad actor at social gatherings makes it perfectly okay for you to ban her IMO, same way you could kick out any other +1 who starts making a scene.
NTA. Your wedding, your choice.
Tell him if he brings her, they will both be turned away at the door.
Have either hired security to bounce them or a few trusted friends/family members who are willing to do so.
Tell your parents / family / friends that you have told him explicitly not to bring her and the consequences if he does. Make sure everyone knows your stance on this.
NTA
You’re not refusing Dani because she’s a sex worker. You’re refusing her because she’s an obnoxious human being.
Retract your invitation to your brother. You CAN stop him from bringing Dani.
I think Dani being a cam girl is irrelevant. Dani is just a rude girl. That would be the angle I’d use.
If your brother has to pay someone to date him, that’s not a plus one.
Bringing a sex worker to a family wedding on the payroll is 100% inappropriate. Doesn’t denigrate sex work in any way it’s just literally not okay. NTA.