I’m a 20-year-old international student in Australia. I usually trust my decisions, but after two difficult living situations in a row, I’m questioning whether I’m overreacting or if I’ve just been unlucky.
First situation:
Three months after I arrived, a friend from my home country moved in with me because she said she knew no one else. We shared a room. I work night shifts and sleep during the day. She was disturbed by my schedule, so I tried to be very quiet and even started eating at work to avoid noise.
Living together showed our differences. She’s extremely neat (even a single hair on the floor bothered her). I’m clean but not obsessive. I always cleaned shared spaces like the kitchen and bathroom, but she mostly focused on her own area. Problems escalated when she received two huge boxes of luggage, making our small shared room very crowded.
Around the same time, other housemates (there were three others) started complaining about her not cleaning shared areas, taking hours cooking daily in a shared kitchen, and leaving messes. When I spoke to her, she dismissed it, saying I don’t cook anyway. I didn’t eat her food and usually ate outside, while she followed a very strict diet.
While she was away on a trip, housemates told me she had been badmouthing me, calling me inhumane for disturbing her sleep and saying I didn’t help around the house, even though I cleaned shared areas daily. Upset, I texted her saying we should live separately. After separating, housemates shared voice notes of her loudly insulting me at night. I felt ending the living arrangement was the right decision.
Second situation (current):
I moved into a new place with a live-in landlord (50s–60s). She was nice at first. Rent is due on the 15th and 30th. Over time, she started emotionally oversharing about her husband’s death and family issues, then began asking to borrow money and adjusting it against rent.
This became stressful because I couldn’t save. Even when I said I only had $10, she’d ask for it. About two weeks ago, I stopped lending money. Since then, she’s been irritable. Today, in front of my friend, she accused me of stressing her out, using the washing machine when she needed it, and not cleaning the kitchen, which isn’t true. I work nights and sleep during the day.
I’m very stressed and overthinking. This is the second person who’s implied I’m difficult to live with. Should I look for a new place, or am I missing something about myself?
You need to live with someone who also works nights.
But based on the information in your post, you have simply had bad luck with roomies. Keep trying.
NTA.
. . .
Edited typo
Honestly, it sounds like you’re a tad naive and people are taking advantage of that. You need to learn to say no to people- no to someone moving into your room, no to lending money, etc.
Are you able to afford a place of your own?
NTA – you have found unfortunate roommates
NTA
But you are clearly very bad at choosing people to live with: the first person moved her entire life into your room and was annoyed with YOU for living your life on your terms. The bad-mouthing to roommates suggests she was trying to get you kicked out so she could stay there in your place. And you need to move out of this second place. Your landlord shouldn’t be borrowing money off you and sharing person information. You really need to stop being s friendly to people. Sharing a living space with somebody because that’s what’s available does not make you guys friends. Don’t lend anyone money. Ever. Don’t let anyone else move into your room. Ever. Time to start saying no and stop letting people treat you badly.
NTA…you had bad luck .
Take it as lessons learned
You’re fine, you’ve just had bad luck. They are both taking advantage of you in slightly different ways and then trying to make you feel like it’s your fault when you start pushing back a bit. You should be more sure of yourself and don’t let people use you.
The only thing I wondered was that I hope you cleared bringing someone else into your room with the other housemates. If they weren’t ok with it, I think you could reflect on how being a people pleaser (pleasing the girl that moved into your room) ended up pissing off you and your housemates. Doing what you think other people want you to do rarely ends well.
NTA I think it’s just bad luck, however you may benefit from finding a roommate with a similar schedule to you
NTA
That first girl was not your friend. She was just using you for somewhere to live. Were your roommates ok with her moving in? Maybe she bitched about you whenever they complained about the mess as a way to deflect, or she was hoping to get you kicked out so she could steal your room?
Your new landlady is problematic. That was just bad luck. Stop lending her money!! Tell her that you are her tenant, not her friend or family, and that from now on you want to keep the relationship between you two to just that. Check your rental agreement, and keep notes of what’s happening. But most of all start looking for somewhere else as soon as you are able to.
Most of all you need to start standing up for yourself. You have let both these people walk all over you. NO is a full sentence, and one you should get more comfortable and confident in saying.
You’re NTA but you do seem to be a magnet for selfish needy people AKA blood sucking leeches, so that’s something to address before you get into a third situation. You’ll keep attracting this pattern until you figure out how to break it
NTA. But you seem to be ending up in poor living situations. As for the woman asking for rent in advance, this woman probably isn’t making ends meet, which is why she had to take on a boarder.
“then began asking to borrow money and adjusting it against rent. This became stressful because I couldn’t save.”
So, was she deducting it from the rent or not? If she’s deducting it from future rents, it should even out.
NTA
You’ve had extremely bad luck. Can you afford to live by yourself? Nta.
This is LIFE WITH ROOMATES!!! 95.9% of the time it’s AWFUL!
NTA. I think you’ve had bad luck with housemates.
NTA – i feel like you’re just easy to take advantage of. I have the same type of personality and i end up in this situations, thankfully my friends / family always remind me that i’m not a bad person just because i set boundaries