So for context I am living in a university residence. I share my bedroom with one other guy (two beds in a room). We also share the bathroom, but the kitchen is outside of the room and shared between all residents. Our room has a huge window, that let’s in lots of sunlight, but we also have very thick curtains that practically make the room pitch black if closed.
Now, the problem is that my roommate and I have very different sleep schedules. I want to sleep between 10:30 and 11.30 pm and wake up between 7:30 and 8:30 am. He on the other hand, goes to sleep around 6 am! To his credit, he doesn’t make any noises or disturb me in anyway during my sleep hours. I try to do the same, but it’s impossible!
He expects the room to be pitch black, absolutely no light. This makes it very hard for me to wake up, since I need sunlight in the morning to function. It also makes it very hard for me to eat breakfast or really do anything in the morning. He is also quite sensitive to noises, so my basic movement wakes him up. He expects me to wake up, get out of the room and let him sleep till 2pm! I expect to wake up, do my skin care, eat my breakfast and then leave all while having some light to work with! I tried to compromise by only opening the curtains a little bit, or using night lights instead, but he can’t tolerate anything.
He argues that he respects my sleep schedule why I don’t respect his. I argue that he is welcome to open the curtains or turn on the lights during the normal hours (after 8 am and before 11pm) but not within sleep hours. He has been threatening to not let me sleep if I don’t let him sleep!
Am I the asshole in this scenario? I don’t really want to bother him, but I also don’t want to wake up and live in the dark in the mornings because this dude is too lazy to fix his sleep schedule!
P.S: Mind you, he already uses sleep masks, and I only open the curtains a little, maybe 10 percent. But he still gets up!
Movement is okay but opening the blinds makes it so YTA.
YTA, if he manages to work around your sleeping pattern without disturbing you then he’s right that you should reciprocate
Hm soft YTA. This is what it’s like to have roommates. People have different schedules. His schedule is not your prerogative, but you need to respect it within reason. You should make some effort like having breakfast in the kitchen, doing your skin care in the bathroom, etc. also I suggest having a fan running as white noise to cancel out the noise you might make getting ready since you mentioned he’s sensitive to noise
INFO: You have a kitchen and bathroom that are outside the bedroom, why are you not eating breakfast and doing your skincare in those rooms?
No one is the asshole, you’re just two people who run on separate schedules stuck in a box together for the sake of saving money on your education debt.
YTA. Eat breakfast in the kitchen, do skincare in the bathroom (with the door closed), and don’t assume he’s lazy just because his sleeping hours are different than yours.
I’m a super light sleeper and like my room pitch black and… I would also become your worst enemy if you kept waking me up. Is changing roommates an option?
Could you not eat breakfast in the kitchen? Do your skincare in the bathroom?
There are options that don’t require opening the curtains and waking him up.
Is it inconvenient for you? Yes, but that is life with roommates. Have your clothes laid out where you can easily grab them and respect his sleep just like he has with you.
That said, does he not have classes to go too?
OP, go to university housing. State clearly that it’s “not a complaint” against your roommate, but as you’re on vastly different schedules it’s difficult to cohabitate, you both do your best, but it’s not working.
Ask for a new room assignment.
And yes, until the room change is available put your clothes for the next day in the bathroom so you’re ready to go in the morning and eat your breakfast in the kitchen (ensuring the bedroom door is closed).
Sounds pretty unlivable for both of you. This is the move, friend.
Yeah, I agree with this. After reading the comments I do think people are being a little too harsh on OP. The roommate doesn’t seem to have any reason to operate on this disruptive sleep schedule, but yet chooses to for…reasons unknown? I’m not sure why people are knocking OP’s schedule and putting “normal” in quotations like that…yes, sleeping overnight is normal. The overwhelming majority of people sleep at night and are awake during the day. The roommate is the one with a disruptive sleep pattern, full stop. He’s actively choosing to sleep during a time that most people are awake and want to have the lights on.
OP could absolutely be more respectful from the standpoint of the morning routine. The roommate is accommodating him, he can eat in the kitchen and do skincare in the bathroom to accommodate the roommate. That being said, it is a bit extreme to expect OP to be completely unable to use the room for most of the day. Realistically if the roommate wants to continue on this sleep schedule, he needs to find someone else who also is a night owl. They’re just not compatible.
YTA. he doesn’t disturb your sleep, you disturb his.
You can get sunlight in another room or go outside.
Exactly. Morning people always think everything should revolve around them
Why are you eating in the room and not the kitchen? Skin care is for bathrooms. I dont think it’s AH territory but its definitely rude. He is respectful of your sleep and not turning on lights or being loud. If it an issue see about getting a new roommate because you guys are on vastly different schedules.