My boyfriend lives with his parents. Every time I go over, even if it’s just to pick something up or drop something off, I’m expected to hug his parents, say hi, and have a conversation. I get that this is normal when we’re staying for a while, but sometimes it’s just a 5-minute stop.
Recently, we stopped by their house for something, and I told him I just wanted to stay in the car and not say hi. (I was feeling irritable and wasn’t having a great day).He scoffed, sighed, and said I needed to “get over it and figure it out.” I feel like he’s dismissing my feelings I’m not rude to his family, I just don’t have the energy to perform this social”dance” for every single visit.
Edit:
He lives with his parents .. I meet them almost daily and say hi to them every day ..today I was just not feeling up to it ..the didn’t know I was there they didn’t know I was coming.
NTA. You are not harming anyone and you say hi when you stay a while. A 5 minute stop does not warrant greetings or conversation
INFO: how often are these visits? I think there’s room for a middle ground here; not every “let me grab my xyz real quick” visit needs to require you go inside. But if you’re sitting in the car for 10 minutes every time you come pick him up, that can be seen as avoidant and rude.
NTA. Im clearly the outlier here.
My wife is the exact same with her family. She couldnt stop for 2 mins without it turning into 20 mins of hugging and talking.
I stay in the car if she is “just dropping” somthing off.
Its unnecessary in my opinion. Just hello, here is the thing, goodbye.
Thank you, glad to see someone here with some sense. People are reading way too much into this and extrapolating and making wild assumptions.
I think many are misinterpreting it as her not wanting to say hi as opposed to a 2 min pick up turning into a 20 min convo.
If you’re only getting out of the car to say hi and then get back in the car, that’s just inefficient and unnecessary anxiety ridden guilt of “what will people think”
He can say “gf says hi” out not mention it.
Absolutely shocking seeing how many people think you’re the asshole for this. I cannot imagine being that neurotic and divorced from reality to arrive at that conclusion. This is the one time you’ve done it. It’s okay to be affected emotionally by things in life. If I’m feeling like shit, I don’t go out with my friends. I wouldn’t want my friends to go out if they felt like shit, too. Same applies to family. But again, with this, he was going in to grab something. That’s it. Even if you felt fine, you’re still justified because that’s just a fucking normal thing to do. NTA
NTA. When someone asks to run home and pick up something they forgot, it’s perfectly normal/acceptable to wait in the car whilst they run inside.
You’re allowed not to go in occasionally, but if you go into the their house, a hi and basic interaction is not a lot to ask.
NTA – In general, I agree that it’s nice to say hi to his family when you stop by, and that it’s something you should make an effort to do *most of the time* even if it’s quick stop. I have no real reason for that, I just think it’s nice if you plan to be with someone long term.
HOWEVER, you are so totally allowed to want to stay in the car from time to time when you don’t feel like socializing!!! I don’t like that your partner reacted so negatively. If I had to guess, he just doesn’t feel like explaining to his parents why you didn’t come in, but that’s a problem he should be willing to deal with from time to time. How hard would it be to say “She’s on the phone with her mom, I’m just going to grab xyz so we can head back out. She says hi!” if the truth is too hard to manage?
There’s got to be a middle ground here where you make his family mostly happy without feeling like you have to put on a song and dance every time, it’s just a question of if he’s interested in finding that solution with you.
Nta. He is lol. You’re allowed to stay in the car, if he’s just running in for a minute? He’s being ridiculous. You don’t need to run in with him EVERY TIME and make an ordeal out of it. That would drain me so fast haha
As long as you say hi when u do go in I see no issue, but I draw the line at huggin, I don’t even hug my own parents let alone my bf’s lmaoooo.
Ur feelings are valid. Ur bf is TA. My man understands when I feel this way, doesnt complain either, we spoke in detail! Just to put that into perspective. He’s the AH just from his response to you saying ‘I just don’t have the energy today’ basically. Foul
NTA if I’m reading this right. He lives with them so if you and he stop by for 5 min I’m assuming he forgot something and needs to grab it or wants to drop something off and then you both will continue with whatever you were doing. There is nothing wrong with or rude about waiting in the car while he runs in for a couple minutes.
He kinda sounds like a dick though.
I sometimes sit in the car when my partner is dropping items off or picking something up. I love his family, they are wonderful people but his Mom is a talker. She enjoys chatting and telling stories, and most of the time I don’t mind and have time but not always. When we are in a hurry, I stay out in the car.
You are not the asshole
People are being ridiculous. You don’t need to go in the house and make small talk every single time. That’s ridiculous.