I have been asking my family for weeks to make a plan for my mother’s birthday dinner so that I could get a sitter since my husband seems to always get left out and stuck home watching the kids. My mom does not want grandkids at her birthday dinner because they are rambunctious 6 and 10 year old boys, which is fine. I feel bad because much husband wants to attend and feels like my mom has left him out of the invite several years in a row. I was able to get a sitter but not for the time everyone wants. My sister is a professional recruiter and said she can get me any sitter for my kids in 24 hours. I don’t want to leave my kids and dog and home with someone I just met. She says I am being a shitty daughter. I feel like she is being unreasonable.
Definitely unreasonable, I’m sorry to say but your mom needs to understand where you go, your husband goes. It seems like if he’s stayed before with no problems he’s a great man for understanding those times. I also understand, you don’t want to leave your kids with someone you just met on short notice…. But I believe they are at the ages where they can speak up, and tell you how the sitter was!
True about the ages, but I think OP is trying to make sure they have nothing to speak up *about.*
Yeah, finding out about something awful after the fact is still awful.
NTA. Could your mom be intentionally trying to exclude your husband?
Either way, they are your kids, pets, and home – it’s ultimately up to you on what you are comfortable with.
Just send husband this time while you stay home with the kids!
INFO You do realize and invitation is not a summons, yes? If it seems your mother is excluding your husband and/or children because you can’t find a sitter at the drop of the hat: DON’T FUCKING GO.
You’ve been an asshole and showed your husband that he ranks lower than your mother. Do better.
YTA. If your husband is being excluded/has been excluded don’t go.
NTA—it’s an invite, if you’re unable to make accommodations that you’re comfortable with then decline the invite and make alternate plans with your mom to celebrate her birthday. It’s nice of your sister to offer help finding a sitter, but also perfectly reasonable to decline having a stranger at your home watching your kids.
Don’t go to this birthday dinner that excludes most of your immediate family and invite your mom to celebrate (with you individually or with your family) at a time that suits you
NTA. If anything, your mom is TA here for intentionally excluding your kids and for not explicitly inviting your husband. And if your sister thinks that you wanting your husband to be able to attend for once makes you “a shitty daughter,” then (IMNSHO) she is being a shitty sister. (And as far as her being able to use her professional connections to “get you a sitter on 24-hour notice” is concerned, I’m gonna take a wild guess here: she’s has no kids. AIR?) I second an earlier suggestion: bail on the birthday dinner performance and spend the evening at home with your hubby and kiddos; ask your mom out for a one-on-one lunch or spa date or (fill in an activity you would both enjoy) at a time when it’s convenient for you instead. That way, you get to control the timing and arrange a sitter with whom both you and your kids will be comfortable.