Hey, sorry for my English, it’s not my first language.
My (f, 31)best friend (f, 31) is getting married next year and she wants to go on a weekend Bachelorette trip to Oslo. We live in northern Germany. At the time of the trip my baby will probably be around 6 months old. I saw how difficult it was for my sister to leave her baby alone within the first year of it’s life and I told her, that I might not be able to join the trip and that we maybe can do something else instead or plan a day trip a bit closer or make accommodations for me to bring my baby. She responded very surprised and talked about other friends who left their baby easily from very early on and that it depends on how you train your baby and that it’s important to not let the baby be super dependent on you.
I told her, that yes, it’s important to raise independent children, but that it’s different in the beginning, because they literally need their parents for survival and that it will probably also be difficult for me. I also added, that every child is different and that I don’t know how everything will be yet. I just wanted her to be prepared.
She was not very understanding and we switched topics for now.
WIBTA for not joining a weekend trip and leaving my baby with my very competent husband?
Obviously NTA.
NTA. Training a baby to be “independent” is bullshit. You need to give your child the care and attention they need so they can grow up loved and confident.
A week is not the end of the world, but in no way should this ever be expected of a parent of a child who’s age you’re still counting in months.
NTA AT ALL WTF
NTA. At that time your baby is literally dependent on you for survival.
I remember fondly when a bachelorette was one night at a local strip of bars and only cost however much you spent on drinks and/or your dignity.
NTA and wtf a week
We do like to go on small adventures in the friend group, so it’s basically just another occasion to get together. But yeah, I was also surprised to know, that it’s so far away…
It’s “only” 3-4 days though (a weekend)
NTA. It’s called responsibility and growing up. You have a family now and that’s where your focus is and SHOULD be as a mother. Your husband and children should and always will come first. Hard as it is to say or hear for anyone else including her.
NTA. I find childless friends usually struggle to understand. I also, did not understand until I had a baby.
NTA. Your baby currently relies on your for everything! The time to be attached to them is! now. Independent will come when the infant starts learning skills like walking around on their own, and eating solid food permanently.
NTA. I’m sorry to say but your friend sounds very selfish. Does she have kids of her own?
If not, she clearly doesn’t know how it feels to leave your 6 month old.
However, do you have partner that might be able to take care of your baby?
Also, congratulations OP on your beautiful healthy baby!
I wouldnt leave my dog for someone’s stupid bachelorette party. NTA.
NTA.
As a fellow German (with two kids), I‘m really surprised that not only the bride, but also another friend seem to think it‘s „normal“ or reasonable to expect you to go on a 3-4 night trip and leave your 6mo at home. Nobody in my social circle would have that mindset, I don‘t think. On the contrary, most mothers I know were still breastfeeding at that time (thanks to 14 months paid parental leave!), at least in the evenings/at night.
NTA at all.
Babies are not to be trained, they are to be loved, held and nurtured. And I’ll tell you RIGHT NOW it’s actually super important to let the baby be entirely dependent on you. Baby has to be – baby cannot move itself, feed itself, wash or toilet itself. Or even in most cases- comfort itself. It needs complete dependence to feel calm and safe. Baby needs calm and safety to grow and learn. You enjoy the time with your baby. The world will have other parties later.
NAH. As someone who is a life stage behind a lot of their friends, it’s really, really fucking hurtful being the one who has spent years and years going to everyone else’s weddings, and bachelorette parties, and showing up for their kids, and then you have your thing, and no one else will come because their kids need them, despite the presence of a competent (or even incompetent!) dad.
If she keeps on about this, she will be the AH, but I don’t think being upset and trying to persuade you in one conversation and then switching topics rises to the level of asshole behaviour.