I (M19) still live at home. Me, as well as my brother (M23), attend a university in our home city so we both still live at home.
For some context about our situation, my father does not currently live at home with us as he is working abroad and has been for some years now. About a year after he left, my brother met his fiancee. Soon she started sleeping over on the odd weekend, then during the week, then almost every day. This happened over the course of a few months. Not once did they ever explicitly asked for permission for the fiancee to move in, instead it was a gradual integration that we all but brushed over simply because my brother has never been good at making friends, let alone be in a relationship so we wanted him to just be happy.
When we first realized that the fiancee had actually moved in, we were told after the fact that the fiancee did not have a good home life and didn’t have anywhere else to live, which of course made me feel sympathetic at first.
My brother has multiple mental health issues, something that my family has been struggling to deal with since forever. This makes my brother very volatile at times when confronted, when challenged, or when things change without his control. On the other hand, his fiancee was extremely shy at first and made very little attempts to introduce herself to us. This led to the two of them being very closed off at first and almost never leaving their room, and to this day I still feel as though the fiancee is somewhat of a stranger to me.
The main issue I have is with their approach to school and work. My mother has said to my brother repeatedly that the fiancee should be paying some form of rent, but my brother always says they have no money. My brother, who has plenty of free time as he takes the minimum amount of courses in university, has not had a job in years. The fiancee, who is currently not in any classes due to switching majors/faculties multiple times, works about 8 hours a week at a part time job. All of their money comes from student loans and bursaries. My brother does not pay for any of his schooling, that comes from my dad. So the student loan money is all going towards his personal purchases. The main issue I have is that I go to school and work 15-30 hours a week depending on scheduling, and my mother works full time with a lot of out of office work as well. Despite this, my brother expects us to do equal, or often times more, work on the house in terms of chores/cleaning etc. and gets quite angry at us whenever we ask for him or the fiancee to do something extra.
Over christmas break my father was back to visit and I talked with him and my mother about having my brother get a job and move out with his fiancee. My brother found out and we got into a very big argument over living arrangements. He said I was being selfish, but I said he was being lazy.
There is so much more to this that I can’t fit within the post, but that is about the main jist of it. AITA?
NTA, but you can’t make your parents kick them out. Another way to solve the problem would be for YOU to move out
This is a situation for your mother and father to resolve. You need to stay out of it.
NTA, normally I’d say this isn’t your business, but you are clearly being held to a different standard, and your brother isn’t even being subtle about his mooching. I say you are fully justified in your anger and irritation
NAH. Its not like anyone would take that well.
Unfortunately, it’s your parents’ house. If they want to support a couple freeloaders for the rest of their lives, they can do that. The only thing you can really do is work on moving yourself out.
NTA but it’s your parent’s decision. Although personally, I think the brother and fiancée are dumbasses. How can you be engaged with no hope of being able to support each other? Why rely on his parents/sibling to tend the house and pay the bills all while dreaming of being married? And this is in no way against children or couples who live with their parents because I get it, living in these times are expensive BUT you don’t mooch off your family and get angry about doing housework if your not even pretending to contribute.
Well, you are absolutely NTA, but it would be helpful if you’d specified the kind of mental issues he has, because it could be related, but yeah, even if it was, him and probably his fiancé ATJ. Like, you don’t pay rent, you don’t work, you spend how much you want, and still expect the others to carry you? Nah, that makes them the assholes
Unfortunately, ESH
You have valid reasons for your frustration, and should be looking to move out to get away from the drama
But it’s ultimately your parents who have to decide as it’s both their home, and also as parents of your brother
INFO – what did your parents say when you talked to them about your brother and his fiancée moving out?
NTA for wanting it but it’s not your house and you are also an adult and legally could move out of you don’t like it.
He’s not much older than you so not sure why you think he needs to leave but you get to stay. If the parents let the fiance move in that’s on them to live with or fix. Focus on your studies and stop worrying about things you have no control over.
Esh. Just work and move out yourself
ESH
Brother and fiancée should both be paying some form of rent and doing their fair share to take care of the house.
But this isn’t *your* issue, OP. It’s not your place to decide they should move out or that your parents should chase them down for rent money. You’re out of line trying to initiate a conversation with your parents about moving your brother out – it’s not your house, not your decision to make.