I’ll try to keep this as concise as possible. My (33f) best friend since age 12 (33f) is pregnant with my little brother’s (27m) baby.
When they started dating I was over the moon! They have been crushing on each other for more than a decade and everything aligned and they finally got together. Her IUD failed and now they’re going to have a baby.
The baby situation is messy and complicated, but only slightly relevant. She has a 12 year old that refuses to see her and didn’t take good care of him when she did have him a few years back. She struggles with mental health but refuses to seek treatment and finds every reason possible to skip work, stay in bed, neglect obligations, My brother didn’t want kids, ever, but stood by her decision to keep it. My brother has a great career and is super stable. My best friend has a history of leaning on others for as much as possible, so my family is worried she’s going to expect him to take care of her and the baby while she contributes little to nothing. I’m supportive of their decision because I want my brother to be happy, and the baby’s my blood regardless of the less-than-ideal circumstances
I was set to plan and host the baby shower, as I did with her first son 12 years ago. This is a good time to mention that I broke up with my fiancé due to him cheating in April 2025, and prior to that, my best friend had moved in with him and I. When I moved out, she chose to continue living with my ex. It made me uncomfortable, but it’s not my place to try to dictate where she lives. He moved the girl he was cheating on me with into their house less than two months after I left.
My best friend has been particularly chummy with my ex and his new girl, and it hurts me to see how close they are when they engage on social media and when she mentions them. Anyway, we were hammering out details of the baby shower and she casually asked if I’d be comfortable with her inviting my ex and his girlfriend. I was honest and told her I wasn’t comfortable with it, not only because I don’t want to be around them, but because the party was going to be at my house and I don’t want them in my home. It was kind of a slap in the face that she had even asked. But when I responded, she became defensive and told me that she’d feel awful not inviting them because they’d been SO SUPPORTIVE and that I was making the day about me when it was supposed to be about her baby. So I told her that the day shouldn’t be about me, she could have it as she wanted it, but I chose to resign from baby shower duties to protect my own peace. I did kind of pettily tell her to ask them to fund and plan the party since they were "so supportive."
We haven’t talked in over two months. I’m going to love that baby, and be there for my brother no matter what, but I think I’m recognizing that a long-time friend isn’t necessarily a good friend, and I need to cut ties. AITA for stepping away from the shower and the friendship?
NTA… it sounds like when you and your ex-fiance broke up, he got custody of her when the friends divided. It’s hard to swallow, but it sounds like it’s time to move on.
NTA – why you’d want a selfish person as a friend is beyond me. Your best friend stayed with your ex because it’s easier for her. As she lives with them, it would be difficult for her to exclude them. However, that’s not your problem.
Your friend is so selfish she dpesn’t care that you’re putting your effort and resources into this baby shower which is at your home – your sanctuary. She doesn’t give AF that he hurt you and there is zero reason you need him in your life.
OP – this woman isn’t a friend. Your brother is stable – the baby won’t suffer from not getting gifts if you cancel this shower.
You need to realise that all she is to you is your brother’s baby mama.
I’d get a DNA test if I were the brother.
She baby trapped him, for sure. She had that IUD removed
NTA, she’s been the AH since the moment she chose to continue living with your ex. And then again when he moved his side-piece into your place and she stayed. And then again when she tried to invite them to the shower at your house.
She just doesn’t sound like a good friend and honestly, it’s better for you to stop considering her a best friend.
NTA.
And honestly, your brother sucks for continuing to date/sleep with her after the whole continuing to live with his sister’s cheating ex thing.
NTA
Clearly. You don’t need to have your ex and his new partner in your home if you do not want to.
Why she wants your ex and his gf in your home is beyond most of us.
But I also have another angle on this and hear me out:
She’s actually not gonna be « good for your brother » based on the description of her you’re providing and I get that there’s no way to encapsulate their compatibility in this post but purely based on your description of her, your brother will not be happy.
You all are standing by their decision to have this kid but it likely won’t be a great situation for the child either having a neglectful mother (not calling her abusive, just neglectful based on description) also idc who it is, before you and your whole family go all in on raising this child in lieu of inactive mom whom you consider is your blood, make sure the child is actually his.
The child will need care regardless, but if you’re predicating your care and support on it being blood, make sure it is your blood.
If you’d care for it whether it’s his or not, carry on. But don’t let it be scenario number one and you all find out later it’s not his and withdraw that care and support. That is devastating to a child especially if the birth mother isn’t stepping up.
I couldn’t get past the part where your friend had been crushing on him for ***more*** than a decade. A decade has them at (23f)(17m). So your adult friend with a child was crushing on a sixteen (or younger) year old?
And OP was over the moon about them finally hooking up. Her friend has always been trash. And OP was okay with it. Until now. OP’s not a victim here. She sucks too.
That’s what I am thinking! Who celebrates a 33 year old who can’t hold down and job, has a child she abandoned, and has a history of making poor choices coupling up with their brother… Train wreck all around.
That 33 year old had a crush on a 17 year old barely legal young man when she was 23… YIKES!
NTA
First things first, your brother doesn’t sign any paperwork for that baby until after a paternity test is completed. Your ex cheated on you. She was living with him when you guys broke up. Now she’s pregnant by your brother but still super close to your ex and his new girl? That’s sus as all hell. Especially since April was only about 9 months ago. How far along is this girl and when did she hook up with your brother?
My (33f) best friend, my little brother’s (27m)
“They have been crushing on each other for more than a decade”
So when your little brother was still in high school?
👀
NTA and I, personally, think this is a situation where the garbage took itself out. You basically said she’s a freeloader, doesn’t contribute and refuses to get help for her mental health. None of that will improve with another child on the scene. Your brother should probably prepare to be a single parent at some point. I wish your family and that sweet innocent baby all the best.
Sorry but you kinda asked for it. How could you be excited that she ended up with your super stable brother when she is such a red flag with mental health issues whose own kid wouldn’t see her?
Suddenly she is a red flag, after being your bestie for decades. Because she sided with ur fiance.
Everyone sucks here.