AITA for telling my dad he’s too negative?
I (24M) hang out with my dad (63) pretty often. I work with him and spend a lot of my day with him. He’s a great guy and most people like him but there is this one big thing that gets on my nerves. He always talks down to other people and he always complains about the most minor things.
Just today, my family was in the car and he was driving. We came to a stop because of a train crossing. He started ranting saying "this idiot is probably gonna stop on the tracks. They always do on this train crossing. I mean why do they do that, people have places to go. I bet he’s just purposely wasting our time and moving as slow as he can." Keep in mind we waited about 5 minutes for the train. I just told my dad "be patient, we will get to our destination its fine" the he got upset and said "im just having a conversation." Then I said " you are just being negative. Its not that big of a deal." My mom and sister agreed and said basically the same thing about him being a downer. Then he said "why do you guys always team up on me?! Im just trying to have a conversation! Whatever, I just won’t speak." And he literally didnt say a word for an hour and a half. Even if I tried to talk to him.
He does this mainly when we are in traffic, he just insults people and tell everybody their stupid. He sometimes talks about his coworkers like that too. He says things like "they work too slow" or "that guy acts like he know how to do this but he’s just an amateur" he never gives anyone compliments ever. Its always just insults.
So im not sure if im missing something that i can’t see or if he’s just overreacting about little things. Maybe it was a bit much bring pretty blunt about him being negative, but im tired of it. And I have told him multiple times and everytime, he shuts down and doesn’t talk, like im the bad guy. I just want him to stop being negative but maybe I am just overreacting to his comments. Maybe its not that big of a deal and I should let him be himself, idk…
NTA for saying he’s negative. But you can’t change anyone so don’t make that your mission with your dad either. You’re gonna drive yourself nuts.
Also, it sounds like you need some time spent away from your dad. I mean you both live and work together, basically spend most of your weekdays together. So make sure you have some time to yourself too.
NTA for telling him, but don’t imagine it’s going to change anything, some people are just like that ( my husband has this tendency to, and occasionally l have to say just stop , which he does for a short while lol)
You sound like you spend too much time with him altogether though.
NTA
Next time he gives you the silent treatment, let him. Enjoy the silence. People like this will talk about EVERYONE they know, including family. My mom does this. He’s not a nice person, even if he’s conversing the only way he knows how.
Again, enjoy the silence, it sounds like everyone needed it. And he needs counseling.
YANTA – to be honest it comes a time that you see your father for who he is. He seem to have a thin skin. The problem here is he always got away with it.
So maybe a quick discussion with him. Like a heart to heart. But if you feel that he will pout. Just move on. You survived it many years.
NTA. Perhaps he’s just following the advice “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
NTA!
NTA. My husband (75) is the same way. Everybody in the world is too stupid to live and how do they manage to survive from day-to-day. I told him once that he was getting extremely pessimistic in his old age and he needs to just ignore stupidity. He didn’t like that very much.
He also rambles on about stuff I have no interest in (car business, which is what he’s done for a living since I met him), yet if I start talking about stuff that interests me, he tells me I’m boring and doesn’t want to talk about stuff he doesn’t know anything about (generally geology as I had a career in the field for decades). Now when he starts up, I just nod my head, mutter “uh huh” at lot, and just tune him out. We’ve been married too long to divorce at this point. And we’re both old.
Actually true. My dad does the same thing. He likes to ramble about nothing really. I have a senior dog who has trouble holding his bladder through the night so we have a pee pad for him. I woke up and was cleaning the area and grabbed the pad. I was going to throw it out but my dad stopped me and wanted to talk about these tiny football helmets he got from an antique store. I stood there with a sopping wet pad in my hand for about 5 minutes. I told him couple times “let me throw this out real quick” but he just ignored me and continued to talk about his little helmets. Finally I just told him “im throwing this away” and left to dump the pad in the trash can. He seemed really annoyed.
And like what you said if I talk about myself its usually quick responses, or the conversation somehow turns to talking about himself.
Start calling him Debbie 😊👍
NTA – Dad sounds like he’s struggling with emotional maturity and doesn’t handle feedback well. He’s hoping he can shame you into shutting up with the silent treatment because that feels more comfortable to him than self reflection and honest critique.
Ha nta I’m bad about doing this. I complain a lot but not to achieve some goal. If I’m bitching about traffic its just because it makes me feel better. Atleast I feel like it makes me feel better at the time it doesnt really help much but its a default state for me now. Ive worked really hard to change my default state to a more positive one. I dont know man I guess I’m just saying he isnt necessarily saying this negative stuff with malice some people find complaining cathartic. Its not a great habit but its a common one
Off topic, my dad passed when he was 69, about 3 years ago. Im in my late 30s, its easy to see fault in anyone but just take the time you have with your parents while you can. Also, NTA.