I (32F) was invited to my best friend’s (32F) wedding as a bridesmaid in her country, which is about a 13-hour flight away. The wedding was planned fairly last-minute, so I didn’t have much time to sort out accommodation or find a cheaper flight. Thankfully, she offered me her place to stay for the two weeks I planned to be there, so I booked my ticket.
However, two weeks before the wedding, she told me she can’t host me anymore because her renovations are delayed and asked me to book a nearby service apartment instead. I explained that my flight already cost $2,000, and I just can’t swing another $3,000 for a place to stay, especially since it’s peak tourist season. She got really upset and reminded me that I promised to attend her wedding.
Am I wrong for saying this? I just moved to my current country and started a new job two months ago, and I have two dogs, which makes it tough to leave on short notice. Things have changed a lot, and I honestly can’t afford it. But she’s my best friend… what should I do now?
NTA – Destination weddings are expensive
brother got married overseas, his bestman coudln’t make it.
it is what it is, don’t feel bad
NTA.
The situation sucks, but what precisely is she expecting you to do? Her response should have been “I understand that arrangements have changed and it would be awful for me to expect such a huge expense at such short notice. We can arrange for you to attend via Zoom, but if you are unable to be here physically then it isn’t anyone’s fault”
She cannot reasonably expect you to work around her collapsed and accelerated plans. It sucks that you may have to miss her wedding, but it isn’t your fault that your stay fell through and it isn’t your fault that you cannot afford such a huge expense on such short notice.
NTA. She offered you accommodations and then took them away. She ought to be offering to pay for a place for you or find you somewhere else to stay. If she can’t or won’t do that, then she has no right to be upset at you for not coming.
NTA
You promised with the condition that she provided you a place to stay. Either she pays for these accommodations or accepts that you’re ok with an air mattress despite there still being renovations and lets you stay with her.
They are just in their own little world where others’ technical difficulties don’t matter.
They are not realistic enough and not going will save you from a lot of headaches and stress.
Offer to visit when you can afford logistically.
If I get invited to a wedding more than a two hour drive away, I assume you don’t want me to go–because I’m not.
NTA. You promised to attend her wedding when she promised to provde accommodation.
The loss of one leads to the loss of your attendance. Your friend is being unreasonable.
NTA.
NTA. If your best friend is going to emotionally blackmail you for not having $3000 to spend on her with two weeks notice then you need better friends.
NTA – you promised to be there when she had promised to host you. She can’t honestly expect you to cough up money you just don’t have.
NTA. You only booked your (expensive) ticket based on her giving you accomodations. Her situation changed, now yours has as well. If she can’t or won’t find you another place to stay at no cost (or at her cost), you can’t go. Not that you don’t want to go, but, financially, you can’t. If anyone is an AH, it’s her for waiting until two weeks before the wedding to tell you you couldn’t stay at her place.
NTA. Cancel it all and stay home. You booked based on having accommodations sorted. She changed the plans without an alternative.
Plus 2 weeks? Why are you going for so long with a brand new job and dogs/obligations at home?
NTA she invited you to her wedding very far away with little notice, it’s understandable you wouldn’t be able to make that work. That’s extremely expensive, you have your own life and responsibilities at home. It doesn’t mean you don’t love and care about her, but sometimes things just don’t work out.
Don’t put yourself into an unnecessary financial position/debt for anyone! If she is a genuine friend she wouldn’t expect you to do this.
Common sense here. Prioritize your own needs. Friend or not. She prioritized hers, didn’t she? Put this behind you and look to your own future. Experience shows us that most of the people who attend a wedding will never have contact with the couple again. Furthermore her life will change. Friendship dynamics change after marriage. Couples bind to each other physically, emotionally and socially. You’ll not be that significant a factor in it going forward. Neither will she when you find your life partner.