AITA for refusing to attend my own birthday event that my family is arranging for me on the 15th.

My living situation has been difficult the past few years due to conflict between me and both of my parents. My father, who i’ve lived with the longest, has NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) therefore is a very difficult man to get along with. I have managed to stay with him the longest due to it only being me and him. This gives me a lot of time to myself as he works. The situation with my father is also significantly easier due to my friends and boyfriend living in close proximity. However, my mother lives hundreds of miles away. In the recent months, i have just moved back in with my father after living with my mother for a while. Me and my mother were not getting along. There was constantly someone on the other end of her phone listening to her complain about my behaviour. To put into consideration i did a lot for her: I took my youngest sibling (11) to school on a morning, tidied up and washed any pots that needed doing. This was all she would let me do or else I would do more. She would then proceed to call me lazy and selfish. It continued like this for a while and began taking a toll on my mental health. One time I went to see a friend to give her some space and told her this and in retaliation she told my father i’d left with no notice. This ended up in a heated argument with him. The entire time she tried to get on my nerves, push my boundaries and all in the same time tell everyone she knew I was a lazy, unmotivated and overall horrible child. We tried working past our differences before i left and she admitted that she knew very little about me (as she made no effort with me) and saw me more as a friend. This did line up with her treatment and how the only times we would get along was when i was giving her relationship advice, clothing advice and sharing music tastes. Eventually me and my siblings went to see my father for christmas and I decided to stay as he offered me my bedroom back. I figured this would be best as I was falling into a bad place and couldn’t deal with the tension in her household. My birthday is on the 15th of February and my father and mother are insisting we travel down to her and have dinner in a restaurant as a family. I decided against. My mother is upset and my father supports my decision. I feel this is the best choice as they do not get along and I don’t want an argument erupting on my birthday. I also do not think I want to be associated with her anymore as she has made it clear that I am more of a stranger than a daughter to her. AITA?