I’m a 25 (m) with a 29 (f) fiancé and 1 year old son, my brother is 30 and his husband is 31. I work on the farm in Aus and get 58k a year. My fiancé and I own a house on the farm and 18 months ago I had major renovations on the house, to complete these renovations I needed to borrow 25k from my brother. We made an agreement that I’ll pay him back, with no time pressure. I even wrote a contract that reads, “I will pay you guys back” No time or amount listed.
Since moving into the house, we’ve had our son and we haven’t paid anything back, due having little to no money, living pay check to pay check and just trying to survive. He has been aware of our situation and never pushed for money.
At Christmas he mentioned to us, in front of our entire family that didn’t know about the loan, that he wanted to talk to us regarding the loan and us paying him back. We later texted him saying we are happy to talk, however it was disgusting to mention the loan in front of our family, especially on our son’s first Christmas.
On Boxing Day he and his husband came over and tore us a new arsehole, having shots at us, telling me I’m not doing a good enough job and telling my partner she needs to get a job to help pay them back. I tried explaining these last 12 months of having a baby have really been tough, expenses have through the roof, we’ve had many appliances break on us, car serviced and tyres, $5k in vet bills, etc. They also mentioned we should put our son into childcare, I refused as it’s none of there business for starters, my partner has always wanted to be a stay at home mum, and she’s worked in childcare and has seen the horrible side of it and we don’t want to put our son there.
I tried telling my brother at this very moment we only have $900 to our names, we want to pay them back and said we will do $10 a week and slowly increase it over time when we get back onto our feet Frankly I want and need to look after my family before him. We were told the $10 a week is an insult and that everything else is an excuse.
We’ve always known we were going to be a low income household, and have accepted that. We’ve never complained, just work hard and get on with our life. We’ve also reached out for financial help to see if they can help us.
My brother is a pilot for a major airline and between him and his husband we estimate they bring in roughly 200k, compared to my 58k. They also live in a major city, and travel usually overseas twice a year, so have no money issues.
And the reason for them suddenly wanting the money, they are going through surrogacy to get a baby and have just found someone from Canada who is willing to carry for them. They have enough money to pay for this first baby (their surrogate isn’t even pregnant yet), but they want a second baby in the future and can’t afford that so they want the 25k back.
So AITA for only paying $10 a week?
YTA. Everything your brother says is true. $10 a week is an insult. Your wife should get a job. Or you should find some alternate ways to increase your income and curb other expenses. If you are making 58,000 AU a year and have only $10 a week to spare. You need some serious financial advice and you need to take that advice.
Yta my guy, and I say this as someone from Australia. Are you way out in the middle of nowhere rural? Semi-rural? The fact that your fiance getting a job and putting your son into childcare was mentioned tells me that you can’t be that far away from a town or metro area.
FYI you earn under the threshold for the family tax benefit payment. You should also qualify for FREE daycare up to 3 days per week, max 20 hours per week – that’s more than enough for fiance to find part time work.
YTA! Your priority should be paying these loans back. Your wife needs to get at least a part time or remote job. This is not feasible. And extremely disrespectful to your brother who helped you out with a significant amount of money
Of course YTA. If you are on 58k and living paycheck to paycheck and expect your brother to foot the bill for your renovations, what do you expect people to tell you? You need to control your expenses, at that income you should be able to, but if you don’t want to or can’t, forget about the SAHM dream.
I do suspect this is rage bait the way it ended though – i.e. the poster complaining about the gay couple having kids when they themselves obviously cannot afford the kid they have…
YTA- doesn’t matter if they are rich, or can afford to lend you the money. It is their money. You seem to be an entitled prick. Focus on paying back and cut back on everything else. They helped you, now you owe and should pay back regardless that you think they don’t need the money.
Why do people who borrow money always try to justify not paying it back because the person who lent the money to them ‘HAS’ money so the lender must not need the money?
YTA – their income is irrelevant. What were these huge renovations anyways?
If you can only manage $10 a week then your partner needs to bring in some income. At this rate it will be decades before you pay him back, you all could be on the spirit side by then. Im shocked you thought 40 bucks a month should be acceptable even on a “I will pay you back” sworn loan.
You’re being a crappy brother and a really great example to everyone in your life of why they shouldn’t loan you money ever.
YTA. This upsets me. You are not in a good financial state and you chose to get your wife pregnant? Utter nonsense. The both of you are immature and irresponsible.
I HATE when people count my money for me. Yes I have money, so they don’t feel they have to pay back or pay back when they agreed to.
I have stopped lending money a long time ago.
YTA,
why on earth are you borrowing money to do a kitchen remodel when you can’t even scrape together more than $10 a month?? That’s not just irresponsible, it’s insulting.
Yeah, its kinda rude to bring it up in front of family. But what you are doing is much worse. Just because they make a lot of money does NOT mean you are somehow entitled to it, or entitled to paying it off whenever you damn well please.
YTA. Your brother is right, $10 a week is ridiculous. You need to step up and find ways to make more and spend less. And your wife needs to generate income. She’s 29 without a job? Even if you don’t want to do childcare, there are some part time jobs she can do from home while taking care of your child. Literally anything to increase that measly $10 a week to at least $50. Be adults and take care of your responsibilities.
YTA. You’re never going to “get back on your feet” in the situation you describe. Your brother provided the means for you to have a home that YOU could bring a child into, now he also wants a chid and this money would help.
It is not for you to decide whether he needs it repaid or not. IT’S HIS MONEY.
1. Did your “contract” include interest on this loan?
2. You are not doing a good enough job.
3. Your partner should get a job.
4. It doesn’t matter your brother’s occupation or salary.
5. It doesn’t matter what your brother wants to do with HIS money.
6. $10 is an insult.
7. If possible, your brother should put a lien on the house HE paid to renovate.
8. YTA
9. You are still TA.
10. You likely always have been and always will be TA.
YTA, you chose to have your child knowing you owed this money to your brother. You seem to have the attitude that you have forever to pay this off because you didn’t put a time limit.
You do not get to say what he does with his money, if he has enough money.
You made life choices that put you in this situation it’s up to you and your wife to work to sort it.
I didn’t want to go back to work after kids but debts needed paid so I did. It’s part of being an adult especially if you don’t make enough to cover your debts and expenses
YTA. You could not afford those renovations. You spent your brothers money withou being honest about not wanting to pay back. That in itself is asshole behaviour. But now you’re trying to justify not paying back too, after he had to ask for his (HIS) money back. And have the balls to be mad he told others about you spending his money on things you couldn’t afford?