So, a bit of context to make sure everyone knows what’s up. I’m 27 and living alone in a flat (apartment), I’ve been in the place since 2019 and made it a good spot for myself. My younger brother (Let’s just call him Dave for convenience (not his real name obvs)) is currently 19 years old and still lives with our mum. Dave stays there for free, doesn’t pay rent, his own food, none of that, the only thing he pays for is whenever he goes to Wetherspoons and gets his own food.
Recently, he and mum have been getting into a lot of arguments, arguments that I only know about because I always get phone calls from both of them so they can complain about the other. It’s even gotten to borderline petty where my brother will flat out call our mum a bitch because she asked him to do the dishes, and then had a go at him for not doing the dishes.
Mum had tried to pitch an idea to me: we would convert my living room into a second bedroom for Dave to stay at mine temporarily, for about 8 weeks. I dismissed the idea entirely because given that arguments they were having, I had no idea what he was gonna be like at my place.
There was also the problem of the bills. Because Dave would bring his PC over so he could game with his mates and partner, the electricity bill would go up, also because someone else would be staying with me, I would no longer get the single person’s discount and thus my council tax would increase significantly.
There was also the case that I did speak to Dave about possibly staying with me before these arguments even began, but I mentioned the bills which would total up to at least £400 a month from him (A rough estimate) not including food, Dave immediately refused because he didn’t want to pay and assumed he was going to stay at mine for free.
So because of my refusal, the arguments are getting worse, and despite me telling our mum to just kick him out, since he’s an adult and has his own responsibilities, she refuses to do that and keeps pushing the idea of letting him "temporarily" stay with me (which will definitely NOT be temporary, I can already tell!)
Should I just let him stay with me for free? AITA for even thinking about charging him bills and thus letting the arguments continue?
If you let him move in he will never leave.
Don’t do it.
nta make sure the freeloader stays away youl never get rid of him if he sets foot in your home
NTA, and do not do it.
Tell you brother it’s time for him to grow up, and learn responsibility. That means, either be respectful to whomever is paying your way, or earn your own way. No more childish dependency on others.
NTA. Trust your instincts. Don’t open your door to him. For some reason he has failed to adult, and flatly refuses to stand on his own two feet.
NTA. Do not let him through the door, he will not pay you and you will not get him back to your mother’s house.
do not do it. absolutely not.
and honestly, at this point i wouldn’t even let him move in if he DID agree to pay. he’d never pay on time and would always have an excuse as to why he didn’t have it that month or why it would be late.
NTA
NTAH
Don’t let him stay with you. Not even for a night. You will not get rid of him.
Pitch this idea to your mom: Dave starts paying rent at your mom’s place that will include food and housekeeping/laundry services.
Then hang up on either of them if they call to complain about the living situation or each other.
NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!
NTA. It’s a living room, not a bedroom. You don’t have room. It isn’t healthy for a grown ass man to live in a living room, especially if he intends to be “home” to have friends, sex, gaming, eating, etc. Tell them to pony up a shared space with a friend with a private bedroom.
Don’t let him stay even one night.
NTA If I am understanding correctly. Your mom wants you to allow your brother to move in. Babysit him, ignore his messiness, rudeness, entitlement and tantrums. Plus pay for all his food plus an additional 400 a month minimum, because she wants a vacation .
She never raised him to become an adult with adult responsibilities, and now you need to fix it for her.
That isn’t how the real world works. It’s not your responsibility. He can get a job, rent a room, and buy his own food all while cleaning up his own messes. Say no. Cite lease agreements and not wanting kicked out and money issues. Then stop answering phone for 2 months.
NTA.
Your mom birthed him. He’s HER responsibility, not yours. If she’s not willing to do the parenting she needs to do and kick his butt to the curb, she gets to put up with his bad behavior (which she’s responsible for to begin with). Do not under ANY circumstances allow Dave to even spend the night at your apartment.
You might consider shutting both of them down when they call you to whine. “Mom/Dave, you’re always calling me to complain about each other, and I’m sick of hearing it. The next time you call me and it’s to gripe about the other, I’m going to hang up and put my phone on DND. This is YOUR issue to fix, not mine, so stop trying to drag me into it. I refuse to have any part of it.”
Good luck, OP. Family — ain’t it just great?
NTA. This is not your problem. It’s your brother’s and your mother’s.
Every time she complains, tell her, “Tell him to start paying for a cleaning service.” Every time he complains, tell him, “Get an apartment and stop being a freeloader.”
If they continue to try to make you the savior and/or referee, tell them, “Gotta go,” and hang up. Do NOT let your brother live with you. It would be hell.
Your mother is praying that you are foolish enough to allow her to pawn her problem child off on you,
Don’t be fooled and, whatever you do, DO NOT LET HIM MOVE IN WITH you even IF he agress to pay rent.
He will move in, he will NEVER pay a dime and cause your electricity bill to go up to boot.
You will be in a world of hurt trying to get him (and his friends) out once he lands in your home with his gaming setup. NTA