This is literally so stupid but I want outside opinions, did I handle it well or should I have done more. Maybe i should’ve been petty.
My mother neighbor always have a black history cookout, she was excited that I was in town because I live far and haven’t seen her in a while, she’s happy to see her grandkids and new baby. She did let me know my sister would be there, as long as she stayed out my way then period.
op(33F) nika(36F)
My sister, nika, and I aren’t close and that’s okay. We share a father, that’s about it. I do believe her mom is the reason why she doesn’t like me, her mom was strict, rude to her own kids, kicked her out at a young age. That’s her mom fault but instead of blaming her mom and dad, she blames me when I had no control of that. That’s why she always targeted me, o much worse.
I came with my husband and our four kids, nika came with her husband and five. I greeted her because I still have respect, she huffed and ignored me. That’s when her one upping started, I should’ve stayed home. My aunt complimented me on my curry chicken and I thanked her, here nika went " I was going to bring mines but I didn’t want to outshine anyone " mind you everyone gave an awkward laugh because what was the point of saying that?
The comments did not stop but I ignored her and did my own thing, it’s weird because it felt like she was following me just to say these things. My cousin and I were talking, she was saying how my kids are well behaved, how big my baby is getting, I’ve been going through postpartum so I did appreciate the compliments. Nika wasted no time to jump in, she said her kids have more spirt, because she doesn’t raise quiet kids."
I let it go, the day was winding down, the kids were playing with their cousins. My husband had the baby, I sat next to my mom and the other older women. my aunt asked me how it’s been since the baby, I was honest and told her I was tired but I’m happy my husband is there. Nika is good at making people feel like shit, she said my life must be perfect with all the help. Some of us bounce back fast, I didn’t get to sit around " she did this unprovoked like it’s sad that she goes out her way to do this, my mom was getting frustrated with her and told her to watch her mouth when talking about my daughter.
Everyone heard the commotion and followed because their messy, my uncle was the first to asks if we were competing. no we’re not, I asked him what we were competing for? We both got married with kids and pay bills. That’s when everyone laughed and nika stayed quiet because I guess she was embarrassed, after that everyone moved from her so all night she was sitting alone. Her own husband didn’t comfort her because he was too busy flirting with my cousin , that’s sad. Later that night, on instagram I received a message from her. she said I should never think of my self as a good person for embarrassing her like that.
You already know that what she says isn’t true, so nothing really changed. Just another day
NTA – She embarrassed herself.
NTA…. You didn’t embarrass her, she embarrassed herself by trying to turn a family cookout into a competition that only she was playing. Your response was a grounded reality check that exposed her behavior, and her lashing out now is just an attempt to avoid accountability for her own actions.
Honey, you’re NOT matching her energy. You were letting it ride. She was needling you with those little digs and you were rising above it with grace.
Your comment “what would be competing for” showed up her behaviour. You acting like a sensible, mature adult and nika… not so much.
But that’s on her.
I’m not American, but if you really NEED to respond then, “Bless your heart” seems appropriate.
Still, a sensible, mature adult probably wouldn’t bother replying at all!
NTA
NTA. Sounds like your sister has a lot of issues, including but not limited to a really shitty husband who probably isn’t supporting her with her 5 kids.
Try to be kind to her, but keep your distance. Do not sink to her level and respond to her bates with empathy.
NTA
She just sounds sad and miserable. It’s best to ignore her if there is no way of having a private talk over coffee to try to understand her issue with you. If she has some undiagnosed medical/psychological issue that honestly could be dangerous if you’re her focus.
It’s probably nothing you did. Just some old childhood jealousy that festered. Or perhaps your dad used to taunt her with comparisons to you, when you were not there. Whatever it is you didn’t cause it.
NTA you gave the perfect response. It’s really sad she thinks she’s in competition with you. Stay awesome and I hope the post partum depression gets resolved soon.
NTA, she asked for it basicallt
NTA, she embarrassed herself. Make sure you tell her that her “one-upping” behavior was noticeable enough to warrant a response from another family member. That’s on her and she needs to not deflect her $hitty behavior onto you.
She embarrassed herself. You’re doing nothing but living your life.
Nta
UpdateMe
NTA But if it was your mother’s event, why was your father’s daughter there in the first place, especially since your mom had to defend you when she started snarking? Was your dad there, too? But a little backstory would help. Since you are only 3 years younger, does she feel abandoned by your dad? Did he share custody and did she spend a lot of time at your house or did he not see her that often? Your mothers were different, but did he treat you both differently? Obviously she has unresolved issues from her 3 years old self, but holding on to it for over 30 years is her problem, not yours.
You didn’t say anything wrong. She got offended by your mother and took it out on you, her childhood rival. But you don’t live near each other and rarely interact, so just forget it. If she hasn’t gotten therapy by now, she isn’t going to change. She has enough on her plate with five “spirited”kids and a flirty husband. No wonder she wants your life.
my mom and dad are married so yes he was here, btw it had nothing to do with affairs. my dad married my dad but never married nika mom, they just co-parented. She came over sometimes because he mom didn’t like my mom and would not let my dad see his child out of spite. he treated her like his daughter, im not in her head so I don’t know if that was enough for her. Anytime she would get to come over I hated it because she bullied me, that’s why I told my dad I didn’t want her over anymore. After that she came on different occasions , if her mom allowed it. when her mom kicked her out, he didn’t know because she didn’t have a phone so she was staying with her boyfriend(now husband). that’s when she started staying with us, it was about 7 months she stayed, the worse 7 months of my life. what made my parents kick her out was when she brought drugs into my moms house, house raided, mom doesn’t like that stuff, she was also disrespecting my mom, breaking her things so she had to go. this was when she was 17.