I(15f) got into a HUGE fight with my mother(47f).
My mother and I share a pretty close relationship. We share a lot of stuff with each other but I have to control and think through stuff because she is easily offended and tells me im not her friend. Anyways I do fair time management but my mom insists that i study even more. like she will literally bang on the bathroom if i take 5 mins extra in the shower. I am a pretty calm person but constant nagging about literally EVERYTHING from my habits, to my studies to food habits, comparing with others can even make a calm person lose their temper.
That day I was studying in the afternoon so she came and occupied a huge space on my bed pushed me and sat. I asked her that I was feeling a bit down but she said she wouldn’t go. I continued to study . I was fiddling with a pen( ADD things) she took it and threw it away. If I looked somewhere else she reprimanded me again. Then she started staring at me as if my attention even diverted for one moment the world would end. I was by now thoroughly annoyed and turned my back so that I dont have to see her staring. Then she asked me why I turned my back. When I didnt respond she started poking me. I burst into tears. This is exactly how the conversation went(Im not making up a single thing. This is 100% true):
Mom: Why are you crying?
I: You are sitting here
Mom: Really? Your mother’s presence is annoying you?
I: Not your presence. You are sitting here and constantly nagging me. Please go to your room.
Mom: Do you know why i am sitting here? So that with some fun and advice i can motivate you to study.
I: you are not doing fun. you are nitpicking me.
She stormed off to her room and started crying. She said that she prayed to God that i will become a failure in my life and I will get karma. She said that i can do whatever i want she doesnt care and will only see the results. she even went as far as to say that she will try to sabotage my success. She also said that after I become a failure she will berate me night and day to make my life hell. I told her I’ll jump on the train tracks to let the train run over me or jump off the balcony of the 13th floor. She said then she wouldnt have to raise an ungrateful girl.
Anyways since 3 days she hasnt talked to me. I apologized but she said that she didnt have to accept it since it clearly wasnt her fault. In public she acts normal but in home she still maintains a vow of silence so I look after everything myself (except laundry and food). I dont know whether to apologize or continue like this.
Can you please advise me? Its okay if you dont wanna advise also. I needed a platform to vent my feelings.Maybe I am overreacting
NTA your mom is abusive and insane. I would recommend you try to get away from her
NTA. Your mother is exhibiting many traits of narcissism. Probably a good idea to start reading through some literature on how to live with a narcissistic parent.
What you’re describing is not nagging. It is bullying. Some of it is on the same level as psychological abuse. I’m sorry you also have that kind of mother. I would be very cautious.
NTA she is emotionally manipulating you. She’s an adult and while she shouldn’t hide her feeling, she shouldn’t put her feelings on you like this. The Silent Treatment is a form of psychological abuse btw. Ignore her ignoring you. Be polite to her but don’t stand to listen to her curse you where she’s not saying anything useful & is only trying to blame you because things didn’t go her way
God does not allow prayers of curse, if the person’s rights has not been transgressed. Her prayer isn’t even valid. Her abuse can damage a lot in you if you don’t recognise and distance
NTA
Don’t apologize again. You didn’t do anything wrong. You got upset because she was actively sabotaging your studying. You have already apologized for whatever slight she imagined. She has already told you she is waiting for you to become a failure, what she is doing is ensuring that she gets what she wants.
Just study and do your school work. If studying at a local library is possible, do that. Keep your grades up. If you don’t understand something, ask a Teacher or even a friend to explain it to you. At this point you getting a good solid education is important. At 15 years old you are stuck at home, the only way you are getting out is if you can land a good job, or go to college once you graduate.
NTA – your mother is emotionally manipulating and abusing you. You should speak to an adult in your life who you trust and is not insane.
3 days of her not talking to you isn’t a problem, it’s a solution. NTA.
NTA, good luck to her at Saint Peter’s gate for attempting to pray ill towards her own flesh and blood when you were doing nothing wrong! She gives actual good christains bad reps with that horrid ungod like “praying”.
NTA but please tell a trusted adult how you feel and what you are experiencing. She is not “nagging you” she is emotionally abusing you.
You are not overreacting. Your mother antagonized you until you had a reaction and caused this whole thing. Now she’s continuing to sulk to try to make you feel bad. Research the grey rock method and move out as soon as you’re old enough. You don’t deserve this and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Don’t apologize again. Take advantage of the peace and use the time to breathe. At least now she’s leaving you alone.
Do you have a trusted adult in your life? A teacher or school counsellor? A family friend (not your mums friend)? A friend’s parents?
I think you need to speak to someone about your mums behaviour. It’s extremely odd and frustrating for you at best, but as others have said, leaning more towards bullying and abusive tendencies. Speaking with a trusted adult will hopefully give you a safe place to tell your story and find some support. Maybe tackle some strategies to keep yourself calm while attempting some boundaries with your mum.
Are there other concerning things that she does? Do you feel safe at home? Coming to you while you’re ALREADY studying, and claiming that she’s there to keep you focused and make it fun, while literally poking you, is very odd behaviour.
I don’t want to make any assumptions or statements, but does she have a history of mental health problems? Is she working? Has she recently had a break up or lost someone, that would make her more focused on you and your day to day habits?
I am making a couple of assumptions though, that it’s just the two of you, no other siblings, no other adults at home? I’d find someone to chat to you and find some support for yourself. Especially if her behaviour, bullying and mean statements have you feeling that you’d wish to harm yourself.
Your mother is emotionally abusive. The behaviors you are describing are bugfuck insane. No one would be able to focus with someone treating them like that; of course it upset you. And she’s throwing a tantrum that she got the reaction she clearly wanted? She just wanted an excuse to lash out at you, because she’s abusive.
Show this post to a counselor at school. NTA.
NTA. You have a cruel and abusive mother. When she is silent, take it as a moment of respite. Dont speak with her if not necessary. And plan to make your exit as soon as possible. You have nothing to apologize for, nothing.
NTA, this post is like reading a prequel to the story “why I estranged myself for my parents at 21 years old.”
Is your dad still in the picture? Is there some adult you can talk to about this? Maybe a guidance counselor at school?