Our mom passed away back in October and the cheque for her estate finally arrived. It’s less than $3k and there will be no more. Since mom passed away without a will and I’m the oldest next of kin, the cheque is in my name. My sister and I agreed to split it 50/50. THIS WILL HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT.
We knew that the cheque would take a few months to arrive and agreed that she and her husband (they paid initially because I’m at the poverty line and they are not) would initially pay for the bill but keep all the receipts and when the cheque came, I would reimburse them and we would split 50/50 whatever was left.
I let my sister know the day the cheque came that it was here and to send me the total. She said she would when she got home and then didn’t. I reminded her the same evening and reminded the husband again today.
I know I’m going to have to harass them to get the total from them and feel like I shouldn’t have to chase them to get the total so I can reimburse them.
Would I be the asshole if I set a date for when they have to get me the total to get reimbursed? For example, if they didn’t give me the total by February 28 then they’ll just get half the cheque but if they did give me the total before February 28 then they would get the full cost of the celebration plus half of whatever is leftover.
I want to be fair but I also don’t want to have to chase her for the total for at least a few weeks (possibly months) to give her her share
Hmm as frustrating as it is just because she’d take a month to get you the total doesn’t mean you aren’t still responsible for half. Yes I guess there should be a time limit but I think a month or two is still very much within the realm of reason, despite being annoying and frustrating.
You need to explain to your sister that the delay is causing you distress as due to your financial circumstances you need to plan for such a big expense.
Sorry for your loss, I’m sure it’s a really stressful time right now. Very very gentle YTA.
I’d give at least a month. But I don’t want to wait too long because I don’t know how long the cheque will be good for and don’t want to risk it
Bank the cheque, there’s nothing stopping you from doing that. But you do still owe half the cost of the expenses. Have a ball park figure in your mind of what you’re setting aside for the expenses even if you don’t have an exact figure. And if she’s slow to tell you and you are in a tight spot financially I think it’s fair to repay her at a slightly slower pace, e.g. over a few months.
That is true. I can cash the cheque and stick it in a back account that I don’t touch. I could probably get pretty close to the total. I did help plan the stupid celebration
You could give her half and then tell her to let you know what half of the expenses were to pay her back for those.
You said they were better off than you, is it possible they are stalling in order to just let you have the money?
My half of the money is going to disappear almost as soon as it enters my account because I have a major appliance that’s needed replacing for a few months now. And this cheque is going towards that.
I highly doubt they’re stalling. If they wanted me to have the entire amount, they would have said so. What they’re doing is just something similar to what they’ve done before. They’re very forgetful people
Is it possible for you to physically go over there? Your sister might be delaying this as getting this information is distressing for her as it is opening up the wound again around the loss of your mum?
That is a good point. We are walking distance from each other
Im sorry for your loss. Your sibling is grieving too. Less than a Month to gather all the receipts and get back to you isn’t reasonable.
Just remind them every week and include a note that you need this resolved asap.
Put the money aside so you don’t touch it till the matter is settled.
Soft YTA.
Put the money in your account and don’t spend it. Stop asking your sister for the total of expenses. When she finally comes up with it, ask for copies of all the receipts. Then, take a long time to take care of settling everything. NTA but drop it for now. You holding on to the 3000 isn’t costing you anything and shouldn’t worry you one bit.
YWNBTA
It seems strange to me though that you don’t already know or have some idea of the total.
Surely you would have wanted them to keep costs low so you know you’d end up with something for sure from the $3k?
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wonder if your sister plans to just cover your portion and just isn’t communicating that with you because she’s trying to save your pride, especially as how you are very insistent and paying had even though you are at poverty line.