Just to warn you that this is a really petty argument but I would like an external opinion.
Yesterday I put the bathmat in the wash just before we were heading out.
My partner went to shower before me this morning and could not find a new bathmat when looking in the cupboard (he didn’t put the light on and there was certainly one in there as I got it out after).
When I got up to go in the shower I saw that he had used one of my nice soft towels as his bathmat when getting out of the shower.
I was annoyed and complained at him to please not use my towel in this way. I didnt shout but I was clearly annoyed by it in my tone. I went into the cupboard and got a new bathmat.
He then flipped out at me and said it was 100% my fault because I had not replaced the bathmat when I put the old one in the wash. He raised his voice and will not back down that this is completely my fault and I was out of order for complaining to him about it. He feels it is ridiculous that I did not replace the old bathmat immediately.
I don’t understand why he can’t just admit it was a bit shit to use my towel, apologise and leave it there. I would then be happy to apologise for not replacing the bathmat (even though I think that is a stupid counter argument).
AITA?? Please be honest!
Actually this isnt petty. Fully functioning adults share the load. You put the bath mat in the wash. He knows where they are kept. His contempt for you is breathtaking.
NTA HTA
NTA. Using a soft towel as a floor rug is lazy. Him shouting because you’re annoyed is unfair.
NTA, but you’re right that it’s petty… unless… well… how do I put this.
This is a minor thing in the grand scheme… unless this frustration is a symptom of a larger problem. Like he often doesn’t’ respect your things or often fails to do simple chores and blames you for it???
That kind of thing happens here a lot, but you haven’t’ given me enough info to know if that’s what’s going on. Sometimes a towel is just a towel.
NOT THE ASSHOLE – Full disclosure my mind was wholly made up simply from the title.
Just because you had not replaced the bathmat it does not mean that suddenly your towel becomes the target for floor and feet…
To even bring it up was stupid by them, but easy for you to diffuse and apologise for not replacing it, say you will again in the future. Hopefully he should be able to apologise for utterly violating your towel. Sorry, that was a bit over the top, but towels don’t go on the floor!
ESH.
He’s an AH for not taking a moment to put his hand on the bathmat in the closet and you’re an AH because you can just pop that towel back into the laundry hamper.
NTA. Why couldn’t he just get a new mat out?? His reaction seems really ott. Are you expected to just do all these silent services for him in the house or something?
Nta. Why can’t a grown man get a bath mat out? I’d suggest he call his mommy next time so she can get the mat out and change us diaper while she’s there.
NTA. It’s not your job to pre set the bathroom for an adult who can find a mat himself. Being annoyed is reasonable, yelling and blaming you for his own laziness is not.
NTA
I can understand his point of view, but not his immediate jump to anger or defensiveness. He could’ve said his piece calmly, aka I didn’t know this wasn’t okay to use a bathmat and you’re the one who removed the previous mat, so you should’ve been the one to replace it. Or he could’ve just said okay, I’ll work with this new information you’ve given me, especially if he’s not someone who typically does the laundry and so doesn’t get the difference between body towels and ones more appropriate to use as bathmats. The fact he was so enraged so quickly over such a small grievance and the instant need to be right over something that wasn’t really about fault so much as knowing how things work in your place shows immaturity and a side to his personality I would distrust tbh anger like this is a sign of an unsafe person
Nope, NTA. My wife will use every towel in the bathroom instead of getting out the bath mats. We had an argument over it so I take my towel and hang it on the back of the bedroom door now.
NTA.
This is from someone who has been married for over 30 years. I would never treat my wife this way.
What he did was a lack of respect and laziness on his part. He could’ve been thoughtful and let you know, “hey, I couldn’t find the replacement bathmat because I was in a hurry. I used your towel but I took out a clean one for you.”
And the fact that he is taking it out on you is … eesh. Is he not capable of taking out the replacement one? Does he need assistance in wiping his own ass if there is no toilet paper on the holder?
NTA. There were no assholes here until your partner started to shout at you and tell you it’s your (and only your, of course) responsibility to make sure everything is on place and ready for him, like you’re some kind of maid!? Shouting and his general attitude makes him TA
NTA….. But I would take a step back and look at your relationship as a whole. Because this sounds like you are complaining about smoke when the house is on fire.
NTA
He can’t turn on a light and grab a bath mat? Is he always that helpless?