ok so basically my parents don’t have their licenses anymore due to legal status issues right now, so i’ve been having to drive myself to school (taking the longer route & waking up much earlier) & i pretty much help them out when it comes to getting places because my sister doesn’t have hers either rn.
i’ve been doing really good taking myself to school, but this weekend my parents wanted me to take the highway for the first time & drive them to work. i was honestly scared bc i’m still not a super confident driver, but i did it anyway & everything went fine. saturday night i took my dad to his night shift @ work and didn’t get home until around 11pm. i told my mom right after that i couldn’t do it again sunday night bc monday morning i have something important first period & i can’t miss it since it involves my senior year.
sunday night comes around, i’m literally asleep, and my mom calls my name like “let’s go, your dad is waiting in the car.” it was around 8:50pm. i was confused because i already told them i couldn’t, and it’s not even like they were leaving early enough for it to make a difference. the night before we left around 9:15pm, so it’s basically the same time.
my dad was standing outside my bedroom door saying “oh so you don’t wanna take me?” & that irritated me bc it’s not that i don’t want to, it’s that i literally can’t risk being late. if i drive him, i’m getting less sleep, i’m more likely to oversleep, get stuck in traffic, and end up late for school. he also stood there for a while like he was waiting for me to change my mind. i really was going to let it go but then i heard him talking about oh i “didn’t look tired” and i’m like… i was literally asleep. of course i don’t look tired, i just woke up. i literally got up from bed & told them again that
honestly, i was really trying to not be a bitch bc my entire weekend was basically spent waking up early to take my mom to work and pick my dad up. i wake up at like 3:00–3:30am on school days since im taking the longer route & i need to make sure i don’t get caught in traffic esp behind buses. my dad tried saying “i knew you didn’t wanna sleep late so i was gonna leave earlier,” but it was literally only like 20 minutes earlier than the night before, so i don’t feel like that changes anything.
aita?
edit: so some more info about this since i see questions. my parents & sister are facing a citizenship battle right now & they’re here legally but unable to renew their licenses for the time being. the car is my dads car & its the one i learned how to drive in. they haven’t been working for the past week & I just started getting on the highway to take them. i live about an hour away from my school because i moved but i stayed at my hs due to a medical & dual enrollment program that im in so it takes me about an hour & 15mins to get to school since i haven’t done the highway without being next to my parents. i genuinely didn’t think he’d take it so deep because 1. i told them yesterday that i couldn’t be getting home at 11 & 2. they’re always stressing me to get to school on time & since i missed school last monday, i needed to be on time this monday because i’m supposed to be planning my senior schedule w my counselor. they’ve been able to call out since their jobs know that they were having legal status issues. i know my parents are depending on me to drive rn since i’m the only us citizen & only licensed person in the household but its not like i literally don’t want to help them, i just felt like i couldn’t, especially not that last minute & late of notice. It already takes me time to get ready & unless i want to rush the entire time, i give myself enough time to get there early so im not rushing on the road or rushing myself in the morning. i only “confronted” them about what they said bc i felt like it was unwarranted & weird. i explained myself yesterday, earlier sunday morning, & again during the incident. i genuinely don’t know what i could’ve done since its not like they brought it up to me, i was seriously under the impression that he’d not go or get a ride from someone else because if we were going, it’d have to be at least 30mins earlier than 9pm.
Info – who owns the car, who paid for the car? Is it your parent’s car that they are letting you drive since you are the only one with a license? Do you pay for gas, insurance and any repairs or do your parents pay for everything?
I understand that driving your parents is taking a toll on your sleep schedule but how will you be affected if your dad looses his job? I know it sucks but you need to see the big picture.
I hope your parent’s legal issues get resolved so they drive themselves.
NAH, depending on how long this has been going on. It sounds like you’re all in a tough spot. I do kind of feel like the “maybe I’ll oversleep” thing is a bit flimsy as a rationale, though. But you are not wrong in wanting to get enough sleep. Your parents were trying to leave earlier to accommodate you. If it’s not early enough, you should have that conversation. Long term you will all need a better solution, but there are times you have to pull together to get through a hard time.
Why do you have to wake up at 3am to get to school? How long is your commute and when does school start? I’m assuming you’re in the marching band or something with an early morning practice if you have to wake up so early
Dude you have to get up for school at 3!!?? The hell kind of school do you go to?
But definitely NTA then.
I was undecided because I thought if you get up at like 06:30 ish and you get home at 23:00 that’s not sustainable long term but surely fine for the odd night.
But three in the morning is ridiculous
Plus, how old is 0P? I remember as a high schooler having a “Cinderella license”. Under a certain age you can’t be driving after 11 until maybe 6 or 7 in the morning.
YTA, your family isn’t taking advantage of you, they need your help and from the sound of it are trying to accommodate your nerves and schedule. It’s ok to be nervous about driving and getting where everyone needs to go on time but you should not refuse driving your dad to work when he literally can’t get there on his own and needs to work to keep supporting you and your family. Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel if suddenly you weren’t allowed to drive, did what you could to accommodate your driver and still had them refuse to drive you to work?
So if you don’t take him and he loses his job then what? Unfortunately it’s just what has to happen at this time. Nah but you have to look at the bigger picture and what time do you start school and how far do you live away.
NTA. You said you couldn’t do it and instead of pushing back in the moment, your mom waited until the absolute last minute. It doesn’t matter whether or not you should’ve been willing to drive him–you initiated the conversation well ahead of time, and your mom completely ignored it.
I also think it’s always a good idea to refuse to drive in situations where you might not be safe as a new/nervous driver. Driving a car is life or death.
NTA. YoU are a child who needs their sleep. Your parents need to figure something else out. And driving while tired can be just as dangerous as driving drunk.
3am?! Are you just chilling out for 3 or 4 hours before you head to school? Is your school over 100 miles away?
If this is a relatively local school, then what on earth do you get up at 3am for? You’re clearly a nervous driver & that’s something you need to work on (take the short route to practice and get used to it when you know it will be quiet). If you’re so nervous that you need 5 hours to get up and get to school then get the bus!
I’m afraid YTA here because if your parents can’t earn money, your life and your car will be having some drastic changes. We ALL put ourselves out occasionally. That’s how it works in families – you don’t do a favour because there’s something in it for you, you do it because a family member needs help and at some point you will need help and they will help you.
This scenario won’t last forever. But you refusing to help will certainly be remembered forever and will make them think twice about doing nice things for you. Don’t just be a ‘taker’.
NAH
Your parents NEED to get to work and they cannot currently drive themselves. Sadly, this means you have to step up. Perhaps you can talk to them about finding others with whom they can ride share, even if it’s only a few days a week.
Naps might be your friends for a while as your family gets through this tough time.
Looking at your other post and how much, you’re doing to get into a good college, all your community service hours, etc. I see you’re very focused on your schoolwork and they are making it hard on you. You also will be leaving for college soon(you said nursing) so that will be A LOTT OF STUDYING! They need to find a solution and a way to not put it all on your back
YTA for not taking him. I understand fearing being late, but like, just don’t be late? You still had enough time to sleep and go to school and set your alarm clock.
I understand you being frustrated and upset, but you need to consider what will happen if you stop driving your parents. They could lose their jobs. Its tough, but I think you need to step up.
Why are you getting up soo early?? You say to take the longer route, presumably because you are nervous. I think what you need to do is practice taking the shorter route when there are less cars on the road. Or just take a school bus? You mentioned there were other buses, why can’t you take one?
Your parents are supporting you and your family. They are not selfishly taking. They are desperately trying to hold the house together for you as much as themselves.
INFO
> i’ve been having to drive myself to school (taking the longer route & waking up much earlier)
> …
> i wake up at like 3:00 – 3:30am on school days since im taking the longer route
Why are you taking the longer route? Is there construction or something blocking the faster route? 3am seems excessively early to wake up.
Does the longer route avoid the highway? The highway which (as you said) you are not confident driving in? I am sympathetic because I remember being a new driver several years ago, but the best way to get comfortable with something is to practice it.
Most importantly, if there’s nothing stopping you from taking the faster route… just take it. I get wanting to get good sleep but if this is the case, you’re doing some of it to yourself.