My lovely partner and I got engaged at the end of 2025. For context, we spent a few days with my family for the holidays and then directly after spent a few days with his. He planned the proposal to be on the last day with my family (December 27) so that we could celebrate with them and then the very next day we could celebrate with his family. We felt we had to include both of our families in this special moment so that nobody felt left out. As you’ll soon come to understand, some of them don’t take too kindly to being left out, even when it’s really not about them. Unfortunately my grandparents left to go back home on the 26th so they couldn’t be with us to celebrate. But we live quite close to them so we decided to celebrate together after we got home.
To announce our engagement, we chose to post photos of the proposal and a few shots celebrating with family. I didn’t include a photo we took celebrating with my grandparents because the angle of the photo made me look heavier (I’ve struggled with my body image for a long time). At the time, I thought we were only posting to Instagram, so I didn’t even think my grandparents would see it (they don’t have Instagram). But then my partner shared the post on Facebook, which they have. Two days later, I receive a text from my grandmother demanding an explanation for why we excluded her from the post. I apologized for making her feel excluded and explained that I just felt the photo made me look fat and I felt insecure. I also said that what I felt mattered most was that we got to celebrate together. She responded that she liked the photo and it was unfortunate we decided to exclude her. I again apologized and said that it wasn’t our intention.
After this she never responded, but I hear she’s running around telling everyone about how I’m a horrible grandchild for excluding her. I love my grandma to bits but she has a history of starting drama over petty things like this. Some members of my family think that I should just add the photo to the post and apologize to her.
If you’ve read this far and thought “I don’t see why this is such a big deal”, then be grateful you don’t have a family as crazy as mine. Just the planning my partner did to make sure everyone else felt included in OUR special moment shows that, yes, they would make a big deal out of something this ridiculous. I don’t understand what would drive someone to make someone else’s engagement about themselves, let alone a close family member. Now whenever I look back on what is supposed to be a magical moment, I’m just nauseous with anxiety. I keep telling myself that not giving in is part of breaking this cycle of drama, but I just want to move on.
Anyways, do I just have a blindspot and I’m the asshole here? How do I proceed to fix this?
NTA at all. Your grandmother is a grade-A self-centered drama llama. Make sure you get a firm wedding photographer and someone to corral her during your wedding or she’ll be in every photo wearing a full bridal gown.
Exact reason why I chose my sister as my maid of honour. She understands our family’s weirdness and already knows she will be on “keeping the drama at bay” duty during the wedding lol
(Edit: typo)
NTA your grandmother is being a drama llama and there’s nothing for you to fix. She’ll either get over it or die mad. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.
Now is a good time for you and your partner to start shining up those spines. The fact that he had to plan out so many whens and wheres of what should have been a magical moment so that no one was butthurt needs to stop. Do not take any money from any family member to help pay for your wedding. You will regret it. It is your wedding. It is your day. You make the decisions with your partner, not with your parents or his parents or a second cousin’s twice removed hairdresser.
NTA – and wow your grandmother sounds like a lot of hard work. You already apologised to her, even though you don’t need to, because it’s your engagement and not hers!
I got married in 2018 and we funded the wedding ourselves so we saved money where we could. Family members that we weren’t as close to were invited to the evening rather than the full day for example. My paternal Grandmother was one of those people. She declined the invite which I was fine with (we’d never been close since my Dad moved overseas when I was a kid and I probably only saw her once a year) and we went ahead and had a lovely wedding.
Last year (a full 7 years later) was above-mentioned Grandmother’s 90th birthday and a big party was planned. My Dad even flew over for it and he hadn’t visited since before COVID so we were very excited to see him too. Well everyone was invited (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandkids), everyone except me. Dear Grandmother had held a grudge for over 7 years that she ‘only’ received an evening invite to my wedding and was now ‘punishing’ me.
Aren’t family great?
NTA. I was laughing at this, sorry, because it all just sounds so silly. Old people take social media WAY too seriously. Your family is obsessed with showmanship as a love language and that’s just wild to me.
>some of them don’t take too kindly to being left out, even when it’s really not about them
>Two days later, I receive a text from my grandmother **demanding an explanation**
>I hear she’s running around telling everyone about how I’m a horrible grandchild for excluding her
Imagine what she’ll run around saying when you exclude her from the wedding.
Wow, what an awful person.
All sorts of people make up families. Not all of them are nice. And no, she doesn’t have to be in your life.
NTA
Your first answer to her is enough. You’re an adult, about to start your own family. We all need boundaries, explaining your feelings about how you looked in the pic was enough (also. be easier on yourself, I hate how I look in pics also, I bet you looked great) no need to further be bothered with her BS. Family’s are important, but they aren’t the be all end all of your sanity. Good luck! Happy engagement, and lots of luck and love in the future!
NTA…. You aren’t horrible for curating your own photos, your grandma is choosing ego over your happiness. You already apologized for the misunderstanding, so don’t let her manufacture a scandal out of your personal insecurities.
NTA.
You are going to be married soon. Best to start setting boundaries and managing expectations now; that is, the world is going to start revolving around you and your immediate family. Folks do not like it? Too bad, so sad.
No need to keep trying to please everyone all the time.
What does your grandma have to do with your marriage?
NTA
Don’t add the pic to appease her. You’re grown and can post whatever pics you like that make you feel comfortable. She is trying to make the moment about her. NTA!
NTA. And I would put your foot down NOW, or your whole wedding planning and subsequent marriage will be about making them happy. Grandma is being ridiculous. Ignore her.
Maybe it’s time for you to take charge and end all of the drama. Block or go NC with those who act like children. Your fiancé shouldn’t have had to jump through all of those hoops just to appease all of those old toddlers. The only way things will change is if someone stands up to them!
NTA and it’s time to nip it in the bud. It sounds like you come from a family of narcissists. I can’t imagine how horrible planning your wedding is going to be if you’re worrying about including everyone.
Tell them from here on out the only people you are worried about are you and your fiance.