Hi Potential assholes! This has always been my fav subreddit and I need your advice! My Cousin “Tara”(24 F) has always been my pisces twin. She is the oldest of my three cousins and a big sister to me as I only have only have an older brother SMH. Her and I(19 F) birthdays are three days apart. At my mom’s super bowl sunday party, we started to plan a joint birthday dinner. I wanted to go to nobu but Tara didn’t like the menu. She found a restaurant that lots of celebrities have been to. I liked it since I saw one of my fav celebrities had been there recently. The fusion they offered also sounded great. Tara and I started working on our guest lists. We decided it’d be all family by the names we called off, plus my godmother. She then says she wants to invite her little brother’s friend “DAVID”(17 M).
David and I have never gotten along since I’ve met him. It started with him referring to me as an NPC. It took me four hours before I cussed him out. It was a couple years ago and I admit it was immature of me to do. Tara has made outlandish comments like “David and you are in love, thats why you fight like that”. I shut that shit down immediately. Any time David and I are in proximity there’s drama. He’s called me names such as fat. I haven’t been angel in our relationship either but i dont call him names. I told her I did not want him to come because of our history I want to have fun and not feel tense at my birthday dinner. Tara said “He’s like my little brother, its my birthday” keyword here is like. David is not really Tara’s brother. The only person coming outside the family is my godmother. Why does he have to come?
I’ve been thinking more and more about it and if he comes I don’t want to go or have a joint birthday dinner. I will let Tara have the restaurant even though it breaks my heart. I feel like it’s my celebration too and she minimizing my say in things. Not to mention the dinner is booked on her actual birthday because mines is in the middle of the week. I don’t want to make bad blood in the family but I’m always considering what everyone else wants and this is my birthday just as much as it is hers, which is why if David comes I want to have separate events.
I talked to my mother who said people won’t have money for both events so they may not come if i plan something now. I told her “I’d rather have nothing” than be forced to pretend.
My brother who gets his hair cut by David and is friends with him says I’m a selfish bitch who thinks I’m a princess and that I’m going to look crazy and feel stupid for cancelling. So would I be the asshole for cancelling my joint birthday dinner with my cousin?
It all seemed very juvenile and I was going to suggest you just reach out to David and realize y’all are more mature than name-calling as discourse but then your brother spoke so NTA.
First of all, tell your brother that he can disagree with you without name-calling and he should put on his big-boy pants and try it out.
But NTA for wanting a birthday celebration that is hassle-free. Plan something else and if people turn up, great; if they don’t, you’ll understand. Enjoy your day with people who choose to be with you.
Tell cousin you won’t be able to make it. Invite your godmother to your own restaurant of choice. Invite some other relatives too if you want, but don’t expect them to turn up if your cousin’s birthday meal is more important to them than YOUR birthday meal. (Point that out to your mother, that if your cousin’s birthday is more important to her than yours, you will totally understand her not bothering to come to your birthday meal.)
NTA. Why should you have to put up with a brat at your birthday meal? If she wants him at her dinner, she can celebrate without you. Same goes for your brother.
NTA. Is the dining party not large enough to where you can be at one end and David at the other? If she’s inviting David, how about you invite a friend who is “like a sister” and can put David in his place if he steps out of line?
NTA
I would’t invite your brother either if he is going to call you names.
Go do your own thing. Tell your cousin that you hold no ill will against her, but you’re going to bow out since there will be people there who make you uncomfortable. Then, just let it go.
Are all your relatives like your brother and your mom? Then maybe breaking off this dinner is a blessing in disguise. Or a blessing right out in the open.
Have a small, intimate dinner with friends who actually like you.
Happy birthday!
NTA
NTA
This is for both of your birthdays. You both have veto power over the guest list. If you don’t want any guest there, they’re not invited. Full stop. Same is true for Tara.
If a guest that she wants to be there is vetoed by you, her veto power isn’t strong enough to reinstate them.
If it’s so vitally important to her that David attend, then unfortunately you don’t have compatible parties. She should hold her birthday party at fusion restaurant and invite David; you should hold your birthday party at Nobu and not invite David.
THis op guest list be 2 yes and 1 no, when she said like a brother I would have responded “it’s good hes not, I don’t want him there.”
YWNBTA. The fact that these people let him call you names and want you to accept that on your birthday is all you really need to hear. Your cousin is the one who caused this drama.
Tell Tara he isn’t welcome and is she brings him she will not be allowed to sit with you. Period. Pretty easy. She does not respect you. NTA