SO (\~25f) and I (\~25m) were recently asked if we would be able to watch a friend’s (\~28f) kids. After SO and I talked about it and decided, due to us wanting to move soon and also us needing a new vehicle, we would like about $10/hr (this is cheaper than most daycares and babysitters in the area), which she was wanting us to watch them for 8 hours at least 1 day a week.
When this reason was given friend said "OP needs a reality check. That is half my mortgage payment a week, and if I could afford a Day Care I would just do that." This also isn’t the first time we have had issues with her, and her thinking we need reality checks.
A few months ago she also implied "Everyone could live with getting only one paycheck a month" when the owner of here business started doing that and other people were complaining about it. She also defended the owner over my SO when she still worked at the same place (she doesn’t anymore) about her getting paid about $15/hr salary as a manager running the entire store (taking care of orders, making sure machines were turned on and properly working, and often running the store alone)
I believe friend also is using the fact that she still sometimes gives SO car rides to work (this is about once every other week and my SO will buy them breakfast so it evens out) against not needing to pay
So WIBTA if we texted back "You need a reality check, as you never acted like a friend to us. Anytime we come to you with an issue just to rant or want help you always end up taking the side of the other person, or just blow our problems off like they are nothing."
Not following a lot of this but $10/hour is a steal so NTA.
I know it’s a little hard to follow. It was difficult for me to condense it down to these few major points, as there is a lot more going on than just this
Right $80 for a full ass day. Repeated problems with this friend who can’t be reasoned with verbally. – don’t need that ish in your day to day life while trying to progress and grow.
We even lowered it to $80 as at first it was going to be and Even $100 since we thought we would need to feed them lunch and possible dinner (they work at a place that’s open from 10-8 so depending on how long they worked that one day could have been 10 hours) But she offered to pack them a lunch but no word on dinner
I mean, YWNBTA but why are you calling somebody a friend in the same post where you describe them as a disrespectful freeloader? It’s unkind to everybody in the long run to be friends with someone you dislike through gritted teeth instead of just parting ways and going about your life.
Also, it’ll be quite easy to watch her get a reality check. Decline to babysit for $10/hr and let her ask around and learn what the going rate is for full-time childcare in your area. That will be a way better reality check than you could ever hope to give her with words.
Personally I wish it was as easy to leave toxic family behind like it is friends – I would just cut them out. I got enough knuckleheads between work and family, friends are suppose to be that support system some of us didn’t get in family units.
I wouldn’t even bother explaining shit to a friend like that cuz they don’t think about you the way you ever have thought about them or they wouldn’t treat you this way.
I knew something like this would happen cause from stories I heard from SO, her personal life sounded extremely sounding to me toxic to me. Her, and her husband both sounded a bit awful, but I’m not fully judging that cause IDK how there personal life truly works
I wouldn’t send the message you’re planning because it’s unrelated to the actual babysitting issue. I’d say something like: “Unfortunately, $10/hour is the minimum amount we can accept for babysitting. It’s such a discount over local daycares and other babysitters we thought we were doing you a favour, but no hard feelings. Good luck with it!”
I believe my SO did say that initially with the reasoning of why we are even asking money at all. I did create the reasons were are asking for money and so that’s why she responded with that I specifically needed a reality check. Which pissed off my SO. (I getting most of whats being said through my SO so I don’t have the best order of things)
So you aren’t babysitting, correct?
INFO: kids? As in multiple? What are their ages?
Also, I’m still hung up on that “half of my mortgage payment a week” part. Even if she means mortgage payment divided into 4 weekly payments and then half again, that’s $80 x 8, so her mortgage is $640? Most of us are not that fortunate. Maybe you all live in a lower cost-of-living area if $15 an hour or approximately $30,000 a year is a manager salary?
If wages are low, $10 an hour may be a big chunk of the money she is earning at work, which sucks, but you shouldn’t feel guilty for stating your expectation and sticking to it. If she can find a cheaper rate elsewhere, good for her.
Meanwhile, I’d try to figure out different transportation for your SO asap.
To answer your question:
>WIBTA if we texted back “You need a reality check, as you never acted like a friend to us. Anytime we come to you with an issue just to rant or want help you always end up taking the side of the other person, or just blow our problems off like they are nothing.”
Yes, YWBTA. This will not benefit the situation at all.
She won’t pay $10 p/hr? Then you politely decline the job offer and that’s the end of it. No more to discuss.
NTA – but it doesn’t help to sink to their level or try to reason with dolts. Next time – “Sorry you feel that way. Hope you find someone to watch the kids.”
To quote Mark Twain -“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience”