I (19F) and my now ex boyfriend (21M) have been dating for six months.
I moved with my mom for school two years ago. During that same school year, she would keep borrowing money from me over 3k. Bill she couldn’t pay on time, ect. She eventually kicked me out over money.
I was pretty broke though after what happened with my mom. I couldn’t afford to go back to school, I was barely paying my friends parents rent on time, working a minimum wage job at some coffee place. My ex had a good job. Stable career, lived with his dad rent free. He said he wanted to take care of me, and I trusted him.
When I broken my wrist. He’d come over just to hang out with me because I was pretty much out of work until it healed. He’d hang around my friendgroup frequently, and we all seemed to get along.
He was very anxious. But I’d always reassure him that I wasn’t like that. He’d say things like "if this was casual id throw you out the car" ect. While hanging out with my friends, we pull up to taco bell. Everyone was joking and chatting, and I asked "can you get me something?" then he straight up asked if i was using him. The car went quiet and then my friend quickly offered to pay for me and she did.
We went the skatepark and I tried to teach him how to skateboard. He strugged to go down this small hill. He kept falling and everyone told him to stop. He kept going until he twisted his ankle to the point he couldn’t walk. He refused help from everyone even though he was limping. We kept telling him to go home, and he finally did.
Eventually I had to move out that friends house, and his dad offered me to stay with them. There were more after that. Us getting drunk one night and him choking me while I told him to stop because I joked about watching tiktok while we has sex. Me tickling him in the car and him unbuckling the seatbelt and slamming on his breaks. My face almost hit the dashboard. Him calling my best friend and actively venting to her about me. He made her think I was going to take my life.
I had to move back to my dads due to his dad not liking me. We had a long talk about what we wanted to do and agreed on long distance.
Today he comes back from work, looking sad. I constantly asked him if he’d change his mind and despite promising and crying about me wanting to stay, we can make this work, ect. He broke up with me in a parking lot, saying it wouldn’t hurt in the long run and kicked me out. I didnt know if i could stay at my friends house again at the time. I got mad, and I shouldn’t have but I shifted the gear into park (Still in the parking lot) and splashed a drink in his face and got out. He left me there and told me to go the friends house and to pack my stuff and leave.
So I called my friend and her brother and they came to help me pack. While I was there, he was demeaning me in front of my friends, trying to make casual conversation with them. Eventually my friend and her brother snapped at him.
This is all summarized but AITA?
NTA but you don’t seem to realize how serious and abusive his behavior was. When a partner chokes a woman the chances of that partner murdering them skyrockets by about 700%. It’s one of the main indicators law enforcement uses to determine when someone is in imminent danger.
FYI:
Choking a person, sexually or not, can result in your wind pipe collapsing and prevent you from breathing completely.
YTA what you did is technically battery. I didn’t need to read your long ass “summarization” because none of it matters.
He has physically abused OP… are you serious?!
She didn’t throw it in his face out of self defense though, she did it because she was mad that he broke up with her. Did he deserve it? Sure, but it’s still battery, and yes people have gone to jail because of it and that’s clearly the last thing she needs. This man is clearly violent and she’s lucky it didn’t escalate. If you’re in an abusive relationship you leave PERIOD. Being in a shelter is better than risking your life. I know easier said than done but she had an out, she was living with her dad and he’s breaking up with her and she got the nerve to be angry. I’m not gonna victim blame, she didn’t deserve any of that, but she also got the survival instincts of a white woman in a horror movie.
I understand your POV and you do make good points.
I understand. I am a idiot in retrospect. He kicked me out in that moment and gave me until that night to get out. My father lives 13 hours away and I couldn’t leave until later that week. My ex said go stay with my friend, which i didn’t know I could even stay with since it was mostly her parents decision. I could’ve been on the streets for a few days before my father could get me.
I get it’s a scary situation and it’s not your fault, I was in an abusive relationship 800 miles/13hrs away from home with no friends or family around, same age as you. There’s resources, even just calling the cops and having them get you in contact with a shelter/take you to get your things/letting you sit at the station. But anything is better than being around someone who has made it clear that they are a danger to your life and you never escalate any situation with them. You defend yourself but you do not escalate. You do what you gotta do to keep yourself safe until you can get out and 99% of the time that sadly means swallowing your pride. Hopefully you’ve learned the warning signs and never tolerate that kind of behavior again. Don’t fall for some guy while you’re vulnerable. Guys like him sniff you out and will keep you vulnerable so they can pull that crap. Best of luck and hope things start turning around for you. This will all be in your rearview before you know it.
Do you get paid per post or paid per downvote?
You spend a lot of time on this one subreddit.
You dodged a bullet. Thankfully he’s your EX.
His behaviour towards you was seriously abusive and potentially dangerous.
Please educate yourself on what an abusive relationship is. (I say that kindly) Sometimes when we’re in an abusive relationship we don’t always see it or recognize it.
I know, I was once in your shoes.
NTA
WHAT AM I READING. gorl u need to stop dating people and get ur life on track! Stop wasting ur energy on men, get ur life in order. Find a stable job, find a stable living arrangement where you dont have to depend on anyone, learn a skill. You are only 19 i promise you there will be more men in ur life to waste ur time. Rightnow u r in ur prime time for self development, dont waste it.
Depending where you are in the world, that could be considered assault.
What he did to you and what you did to him.
Be careful.
Maybe learn how to be single while you fix who you’re attracted to.
ESH