My boyfriend (24M) has cardiophobia. Basically anything related to his heartbeat can trigger him. He’s in therapy and it’s better than before, but it’s still there.
I (23F) found this couples app with quizzes, daily questions, cute memory stuff etc. It also has live heartbeat sharing and you can record your heartbeat. I thought it was really sweet and intimate, like feeling each other’s heartbeat from far away.
He was hesitant because obviously it’s very heartbeat focused. I told him we could just try it once and stop if it felt weird. I might have minimized it a bit because I really wanted to try it.
We started the live heartbeat thing and at first he was joking about it. Then he went quiet. Then he said he felt weird. It escalated really fast and he had a full panic attack. We stopped right away and I stayed on FaceTime until he calmed down.
Afterwards he said he didn’t feel listened to when he said he was unsure about downloading it. He’s not angry exactly, just distant.
I didn’t mean to trigger him. I honestly just wanted us to feel closer. But I did know about his cardiophobia and I did push.
AITA?
YTA
Why not just listen to his heartbeat? Why push him to listen to yours when its his very specific fear?
YTA.
If your boyfriend would have arachnophobia, would you give him a spider necklace?
YTA – your SO has a pretty specific phobia and you decided to poke at it.
YTA, you knew it was a trigger and pushed for it anyway for your own happiness.
Obvious YTA. You knew about the condition and then pushed him to participate in an activity centered around his trigger.
YTA
So your boyfriend is afraid of hearing heartbeat sounds but you are sooooo wanting to hear his heartbeat and him to hear yours? WTAF is wrong with you? He said he was uncomfortable but you pressed through with it anyway. Have some basic decency. It’s not life or death to do a silly couples thing. You could have found something else to do. And this was over facetime? Not even in the same room? So ridiculous.
Honestly, YTA. You thought it would be sweet, but you knew it’d trigger him. Why not just do it from your end? Why make him do it, too?
If I understand this correctly, you strongly encouraged your bf to participate in something that you knew might cause him to have a panic attack because you thought feeling closer to him trumped his mental well being. YTA
YTA – Not just for doing this knowing that your partner has cardiophobia, but that you actually have the Gall to even question if you are in the wrong. Lets hope for his sake you take this as a huge wake up call for you to see your own selfishness.
Yes. YTA.
You ignored his mental health and comfortability and your actions triggered him into a panic attack.
And panic attacks are no joke. They feel horrific. Like you’re going to die.
YTA. How could that not trigger him. You cared more about being “cute” then you did about your boyfriend.
YTA Seems like an incredibly foreseeable event
YTA
You insisted on doing the exact thing he has a phobia of and is in therapy for.
Seriously? What did you think would happen?
YTA. This is like buying a pet spider for an arachnophobic.