Let me start off by pointing out this is a burner account as I don’t want my friend to see this.
I am a male in my mid 20s who has always found it very difficult to make and maintain friendships in the real world. This has lead me to make a lot of my friends online- through gaming, social media or other forums.
A few years ago I met one of my closest friends, let’s call him “Mark” male late 20s. We hit it off immediately with lots of shared interests- games, music, hobbies. Over time we have become great friends.
One of the things we also have I common is we like a lot of the same influencers, particularly female influencers!
The other week we were having a discussion about a viral Reel for one particular female influencer we had seen for when Mark mentioned that he had been signed upto their “spicy” page for a couple of months. He then went on to say that he was exchanging DM’s with them everyday because he feels a “real connection” and is spending $100s on content and tips.
I am not anti subscription sites and know he is an adult so should be able to do what he wants.
But, I was actually subscribed to the same persons site a few months earlier and it became pretty clear to me that it was an agency run account and that it was chatters in the DM’s. I noticed some of the key indicators like- messages were replied to within minutes no matter the time night/day, the tone of messages would randomly change including getting several random messages everyday, when asked about personal things or social media activity they would either avoid the subject or take ages to reply and everything was always pushing towards buying. My suspicions were confirmed by reading the stories of other people here and on other forums.
I have tried to gently suggest to Mark that it is not the girl he is speaking too. I tried joking that he is really talking too a bloke in a home office somewhere. Another time I tried bringing up that lots social media personalities have helpers for DMs and that someone so busy couldn’t possibly be online all the time. I have even suggested putting the messages through any AI (so it would identify the patterns for him to see). But he just brushes it off and restates how their connection is real.
I don’t want see my friend taken advantage of by people both emotionally and financially. But I am worried he seems to be in so deep that if I keep pushing it will damage our friendship.
So I want know, Am I arsehole if I just back off and let him carry on?
You tried to tell him. You maybe should try one more time, without the joking, but even if you don’t NTA.
The problem with pushing it beyond that is that with addiction and cults and lesser related problems like this catfishing is that people won’t break away from it before they’re ready to. You cant’ really make them if they’ve reached a certain point. Only make it clear you won’t “I told you so” or mock him once he’s ready to end the “relationship” and let it go.
NTA. You’ve done your due diligence, you’ve led the horse to the water. Best you can do now is be available when the crash inevitably comes.
NTA but Send him some of the posts of people spelling out some of what you said here. Just sharing information of how AI chats are taking over. Maybe share the Big Bang Theory episode where Raj dates Siri
Unfortunately your friend needs to go out into the real world. Maybe gently suggest he take a class or join a club something that gets him into the real world
NTA
You warned him.
There’s a saying about a fool and his money…
Hopefully he doesn’t invest too much before he gets burned.
NTA – and if I was in your shoes I would continue to send the message to your friend. You don’t have to be mean about it, you can frequently remind them now and then about how you feel but they also don’t have to agree with you. Friends look out for one another.
People like your friend don’t really want to know the truth because they enjoy the fantasy. Sometimes it’s hard to see them as victims vs. willing participants. You have told him that the whole thing is suspicious and he brushed you off. You can send him links to the info you read but don’t be surprised if he continues not to be receptive, or becomes outright hostile. If their connection was real he would not have to pay for it in the first place. NTA
isn’t this sort of an intentional delusion to fill a void in your friend’s life? Catfishing usually refers to situations when the catfished person wants to meet up and have an in person relationship but was deceived. Does your friend actually expect to meet this influencer in person or just pretend that they have an online relationship with this influencer?
NTA And if your friend is too dumb to be on the internet it isn’t your fault but maybe ya’ll should try doing things in real life? This is how people end up having a chatbot as a girlfriend.
Sadly, some people need to learn this lesson the hard way. You may be able to help in another way by reporting the account to appropriate authorities. These can include the platform, or your state’s fraud investigators – you should look under the state attorney general’s website to find out how to make a fraud complaint. You would be protecting all the people who are getting scammed.
You may need to make your own account in order to report this activity, as they will need a competent adult to make the complaint that they were harmed. It doesn’t sound like your friend would cooperate until after he is convinced that he is being scammed.
NTA, OP attempted to warn his friend about his experiences with these sites and the friend wouldn’t listen.
If the friend brings his “relationship” up in conversation, by all means continue with warnings. But don’t bother wasting energy by initiating the catfishing discussion.
you can’t just say “bro you’re being catfished”?! How fragile is this friendship? If you’re really that scared rw-subscerbe and show him the messages. sheesh
NTA. You already tried to talk to him about it, so your job as a friend is done. If mark is unwilling to listen to you, that’s not your problem. I know it’s unfortunate to watch a friend dig themselves into a hole, but you can’t help them if they aren’t ready to hear your advice.
NTA he’s choosing it