UPDATE: I just want to thank everyone for taking the time to respond. I never expected to get so many of them. Reading through them, I’ve realized that I think my perceived loss of independence is why I’ve been pushing back on her checking the outdoor cameras and that’s something for me to sort through. Again, thank you for helping me get out of my own head and see the situation from an outside perspective.
Original post:
For context, I (30F) currently rent a place with my mother. She was financially in a rough place and I am single and wanted to save money for a down payment on a house, so it made sense for us to just rent together.
The issue keeps coming up about the security cameras. There are indoor ones just to check on the pets, and then one by the door outside. Originally I realized my mom had been checking the indoor camera to see if I was home from work. I told her how uncomfortable that made me and asked that she just text or call me to find out. So then she switched to checking the outdoor camera for my car. Again, we had an argument about it and I told her to pleaseee just text or call me. Well turns out she’s still checking the outdoor cameras to see when I’ve come or gone.
It turns into an argument every time I bring it up. At this point I’m just wondering if I’m being an asshole about it and overreacting? I think I’m uncomfortable with the camera checking because it feels like I’ve lost any sense of privacy to come and go without reporting to a parent. She has always worried about something bad happening, but when I had my own place she would just text me to see if I made it home safely.
So am I being an asshole about this? Do I just need to get over feeling weird about her checking the cameras to see where I am? Thank you for any feedback.
NTA
Change the passwords. If she chipped in on the cameras, buy her out.
You’re grown, you need a roommate, not a mother. If she can’t comply, one of you can move out.
What’s her reasoning for checking the camera? I know you said to see if you’re home but why does she feel the need to?
NAH. Kinda seems like an overreaction on your part tbh. She’s just…looking at cameras? Wouldn’t it be more annoying to be called or texted everytime?
INFO: What’s the issue with a roommate family member checking an outdoor camera to see if your car is there? There’s no expectation of privacy for your driveway, especially from someone who lives there too.
I mean…. “don’t check the cameras” isn’t a good boundary. You need to focus on what you’re going to do. If you’re splitting rent then they’re as much her cameras as yours as well. It doesn’t seem reasonable to say she can’t check the cameras of her own dwelling
INFO: why is she checking? Is she doing something at home she doesn’t want you around for?
Nta but why does she tell you she’s checking for you? Why can’t she just look without announcing it?
Your mother is being a creep.
Maybe, call her a creep and tell her that her behavior is plain creepy.
And change that camera password.
Her repeated, creepy behavior lost her camera privileges.
NAH. I get the unease with checking the inside camera, but what’s the harm of checking the outside?
NAH. Checking the indoor cameras was invasive, but checking the outdoor ones to see if your car is there seems fine. You live together, so it seems normal that she wants to know when you’re home and when you’re not, as it’s her home too.
Would you be comfortable turning Find-My-Friends on so she can check when you’re home without activating a camera? Or are you just uncomfortable with her knowing where you are in general? If so, is there a particular reason that feels invasive? I get why it would with a normal roommate, but our moms do kind of instinctively have a need to know we’re safe and accounted for.
NAH. Your mother’s compromise to check for your car outside is perfectly logical, and I really don’t understand why you’re complaining about it? Not everyone wants to repeatedly message “are you home yet?” until the answer is “yes” – it takes time that she could be using her hands for work.
We have a couple of indoor cameras here, but we only switch them on when we’re all going out – and switch them back off again after we come home. Can you switch off the indoor cameras? Really you only need to check on the pets if nobody’s home, or you’re both asleep. Seems really intrusive to leave them on when you’re home imho.
ESH. I don’t know what people expect installing these Big Brother-ass voluntarily surveillance devices.