So I live with two friends we’ve all collectively known eachother for 4 years, so we’re pretty close. We’ll call them roommates A and B. Roommate A has been bringing a friend around and that friend (we’ll call C) has quite a bit of baggage and blows up on us if we step on these triggers. Problem is it’s not like we’ve gotten a rundown or list, so we can’t avoid a confrontation. It can be stuff as simple as finding a place to eat, well mention a restaurant and Roommate B might comment that’s it’s expensive and C’ll blow up at us about how money is an issue for them because they’re in grad school right now. Or we’re telling stories about stupid things we did as teens and someone mentions sneaking out, but C got seriously injured when sneaking out so anything that reminds them of that will set them off and they’ll lay into people even if Roommate B and I didn’t know and would never knowingly trigger someone. And it’s not just the blow up C will harass that person for days after with just paragraph messages randomly, and then eventually they stop, but they never apologize or take accountability for way overreacting. We don’t necessarily blame them for their blow ups, it’s the lack of accountability afterwards, C is in therapy, they’re working to be better, but the verbal abuse isn’t getting better despite repeated conversations and they never REALLY apologize, it’s like the I’m sorry you feel like that apology through A and only after being confronted about their behavior.
The situation this time we’re all hanging out at our house, I go to work and Roommate B has therapy so they go in their room. Roommate A and C should have been gone at this point, but I guess we’re running behind and they’re still in the living room and overhear Roommate B’s therapy session. Their therapy session that they specifically knew about and shouldn’t have been in our house for cause walls be thin. Roommate B is talking about how C’s inability to handle conflict and the subsequent blow outs are affecting them, C bursts into their virtual therapy, blows up at them and starts crying. Roommate A essentially asks roommate B to get out of our apartment and sleep at their boyfriend’s place because C is too distraught to go home and needs Roommate A to comfort them. I’m debating banning C from our home entirely until they apologize to Roommate B for eavesdropping on their therapy and blowing up at them. Tell me WIBTAH if I do that?
Info: does c pay rent? Is c on the lease?
This. C is acting out in tantrums and not removing themselves to their own space but demanding control of everyone else in yours. C is chasing you and B out of your own apartment. If C isn’t on the lease, refusing them access to your space is a reasonable response.
I meant to mention that when the lease is up op and b should move ASAP
This as well because roommate A obviously doesn’t care about the roommates who actually do LIVE there and this also mind blowing to me.
NTA unless you don’t get C out of there
NTA, that person is volatile.
Ywbtah if you don’t get C away from your home and keep them away. Roommate B should never be worried about having their therapy session of all things barged in on and eavesdropped on period. You should have stood up for roommate B and said they weren’t leaving C needed to leave and roommate A can go with them. If roommate A doesn’t agree get a restraining order or EPO and make sure if C ever comes around or messages to break it even through Roommate A call the police and tell them right away. This is not ok and no one should be uncomfortable or have to walk on eggshells in their own home especially for someone who doesn’t even live there.
NTA
why doesnt A go to Cs place and comfort them there instead of having such a volatile person in a shared home? B pays rent and should be able to have the privacy for their therapy session that was agreed upon and C had no right invading their space and acting like that. A needs to work something out eith C so that C isnt in your home as often (which also may be a breach of your lease depending on if theres a clause regarding guests and is worth checking)
NTA , but roommate A is a bigger problem than C
N/TAH. Why is your roommate still friends with this dink? There’s no room for C in an A&B conversation, right? In this situation, I would call a meeting with your housemates some time when C isn’t present. Ideally when you’re all together, but separately if that’s the only way you can accomplish this. Let them know how you feel about C’s intrusive and explosive behavior. Ask them about their feelings. The three of you should be able to come to an agreement as to when C is allowed to come over, and how long she’s allowed to stay. Clear rules need to be communicated to her (such as, no busting in on private therapy sessions), and tell her if she doesn’t like abiding by the rules, too damn bad.
Ideally, the person who’s friend she is should be the one to communicate the conditions to ‘C’, but if it’s too hard for her to do, then it’s probably something that you should all agree to do together. What’s important is that ‘C’ understands that everyone is on board with the rules. She probably won’t like them. But that’s a ‘C’ problem…not a u problem.
Good luck.
NTA
C doesn’t even live there so how can they kick someone out? Roommate A is being ridiculous and yeah, C shouldn’t have eavesdropped. That’s very toxic behavior
Nta but C needs to go or you will be. Your other roommate is risking two peoples mental health in their own home. Roommate A is a major AH and if you don’t do anything about this it’s going to get worse. This isn’t a ban from the house until they apologize thing, it’s a ban them from the house in general.
And while I would hesitate to bring anything up to your landlord, and while generally tenants can’t really have guests restricted (except when it comes to overnight stays) they can if a guest is harassing and threatening another tenant. In no sane living situation does a roommate leave their home because their other roommates friend made themselves hysterical.
And another thing I will point out, doing nothing about this now, if I was in roommate Bs situation you and roommate A would not be my friends going forward. Not taking sides or letting things slide to keep the peace means you’re not on the victims side no matter the situation.
And this isn’t just a little situation it sounds like roommate B, who you just mentioned is in therapy for whatever reason, is being verbally abused by someone who doesn’t even need to be there. One person’s mental health does not give them the right to destroy other peoples mental health. I speak from experience.