I 37F and my boyfriend 44M had a rather big fight and he left. So we have been together for over year. We have been looking to move in together once my lease has come to an end. He currently and has been for a while living with his mother. He’s an avid instagram user and I brought up concerns last year regarding his follow list. Ex-girlfriends (which we had to almost break up for him to unfollow), thirst traps and people literally who didn’t care he was in a relationship.
So last night we went out to an opening of a gorgeous supper club, he’s in the industry of sorts. There were A LOT of these instagram models around and although I’m not bad looking at all, I do get insecure from time to time. Also my father passed away last week, so I’ve been an emotional mess of late. Anyway, we’re in the smoking area and these 2 blondes are there taking pics etc, they were quite rude to me and he just brushed it off. So I left the room. He eventually joins me and asks what’s up. I told him I was leaving and I wasn’t happy but that he should stay and I’d see him at home. I left and he called me saying I’m overreacting and that he’s gonna come find me. He leaves the club and we’re now in street waiting for an uber. He tells me I’m ruining his career and that he’s done with me, orders and uber and I refused to get in. He came to my place collected his things and then told my children that I ruined his career and he’s sorry but he can’t be with me any more. He’s blocked me everywhere. Which has happened before and when he unblocks me, there’s tons of new women on IG and we have to start all over again. I have felt the last few days that he’s been distant and I was suspicious of his online behaviour. I love him so much but I don’t know if it’s worth fighting for. AITA for calling him out on his behaviour?
I don’t know what a supper club is but NTA and you should end things
Trying to manipulate your kids is wild
Don’t live like this and certainly don’t put your children through it.
Summary: Man, 44 years old, lives with mother and makes his career in the club.
Why are you subjecting yourself to this abuse? Girl. Get it together and find a man who values you. Come on now.
NTA.
Leave him. Not Worth it. YTA to your kids if you go back.
NTA, but your boyfriend is a walking red flag, u gotta skeedadle away from him asap
NTA
It’s clear he didn’t value the relationship. It’s not that hard to kindly ask those two women to stop being rude to you. The guy is still living with his mom and thirsts after women online. This man had the nerve to tell your children, AFTER THEIR GRANDFATHER DIED, that you were ruining his career by *checks notes* asking for someone to not be rude to you.
Hell, he didn’t even say, “sorry sweetie, I have to deal with their attitude to get good PR.” It wouldn’t excuse it honestly but the fact that he didn’t even acknowledge your feelings shows he was never worth it. You dodged a bullet, your children see you with someone who demeans their mother like that.
NTA – Not to be harsh, but why do you love this guy so much when he treats you so poorly? He berates and disrespects you, and then gas lights you by telling you that you’re overreacting. Then tries to belittle you in front of your children. No one deserves that.
And keep in mind, that manipulative and abusive men seek out women who they believe don’t have enough self-esteem to leave them.
At the bare minimum, do not move in with this guy when your lease is up. Let him live with his mother.
ESH. He was manipulative with your children. And he explodes and then takes it back. It also feels like what you are describing is the tip of the iceberg. You are insecure about his exes, about who he hangs out with and how he reacts. He breaks up with you and you refuse to leave, making a scene at a work thing for him. No wonder he says you are ruining his career and he might not be completely wrong about it.
Now that you are broken up, I hope you do some work and then find someone you are less insecure with.
You’re 37 years old and still do this shit?!? NTA but look in the mirror.
NTA.
You should let go of that 44 y/o line cook that lives with his mom.
ESH. He’s not emotionally ready for a serious relationship and neither are you.
This sounds like narcissistic behavior, and it’s never going to get better. He’s not going to change. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your life dealing with his drama, then do yourself a favor and find someone else. It may be hard for you to ignore his texts and calls. But when he figures out that you’re ghosting him, he’ll start calling. Repeatedly. At all hours. Narcissists don’t like being ghosted. They have to be the ones controlling things and calling the shots.
You don’t need someone who tells you that ‘you ruined my career’ and you surely don’t need someone who trashes you in front of your kids. Your partner should support you and uplift you, not demean you and degrade you in front of others. This guy is garbage. Kick him to the curb!
He broke up with you. There are issues in the relationship that keep occurring. He involved your kids.
Easier said than done, but don’t let him back in your life. Return the blocking.
I am very sorry for your loss. It’s obvious your morning is an inconvenience to him.
It’s not fair for your kids to watch you in an on again/off again, unhealthy relationship. They learn what to look for in a partner from you. Would you be fine with them in a relationship like this?