My mother and I share an apartment together. We adopted two rescue cats two years ago. They are certainly nervous and clingy by temperament.
My mother and I both work a combination of remote and on site so that the cats have someone home and do not need to be left alone all day. I agreed to this arrangement while the cats were kittens (under one year). The cats are now two and my mother continues to want me to adjust my schedule to be home half days. I am finding it draining to work at home, stop working, travel to work, then restart. Furthermore, I am taking on a clinical student in March and will need to be on-site more. I am perfectly fine with the cats spending days home alone as they are adults. My mother said this is a sin and is trying to make me feel guilty and says she has "so much anxiety".
I cannot accommodate her anxiety or this arrangement, but her guilt trip has me questioning myself or if I truly am an asshole for leaving the cats alone full days.
but…millions of people have pets and go to work everyday?
AITA?
NTA. The cats will be alright, mine are about to be home alone all weekend with just an auto feeder to keep them company and they’ll be just fine too.
NTA. Cats are very independent creatures. Give them a litter box, food & water & they’re fine. In your case they even have each other for companionship. The problem is not the cats, its your mother’s anxiety. She needs to talk to her doctor and/or see a therapist.
“Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. The cat stayed at home by himself today.”
Lol the cats will be fine. NTA
Perhaps she thinks the cat is going to order a hooker through door dash and then not open the door upon delivery (you know, because of the no thumbs thing about cats)
Nah, it starts with a little catnip first. One sniff of the nip and its all down hill from there. They soon move on to silvervine and before you know it, they are running with alley cats.
NTA.
1) Your mother’s anxiety is for her to manage, not you. She’s responsible for her own feelings.
2) cats are fine unless they’re left alone for > 10-12 hours a day on repeat.
3) what this “this is a sin” thing? where is “though shalt not leave pets by themselves for more than 5 hours” in ANY religious book? And if she’s trying to use this as an ‘honor thy mother’ thing, that’s not what that means. Might be time for some therapy, both individual and family. If you’re going to keep living with your mother as an adult, you both need to figure out how to cohabitate as roommates and not as mother/child. That’s not healthy for either of you.
…. What is a sin exactly to leave cats alone? The religious reach in this is mind-boggling. I’ve heard of narcissists using religion to keep people close to them, but that is a new one for me.
Surely, you know you’re NTA. But it would seem that you have some boundary issues to resolve. Perhaps your Mother has been struggling and her enmeshing efforts are proof of that?
Parentification will have you questioning reality 🙃
NTA. Cats are not dogs, and can easily be left alone for hours on end as long as they have food, clean water and a clean litter box. I’ve had cats for years (usually two at a time, like you do) and I left them alone to work. I only arrange for a friend to check on them and their food, water and litter if I’m going to be away several days.
NTA, it is NOT your job to manage your mom’s anxiety. That is a job for her, her Dr and her therapist. Work a schedule that works best for YOU, the cats will be fine. Your mom will not, but again that’s HER issue to fix alone.
NTA
NTA, I leave my cat for the weekend sometimes. She’s got a water fountain and an auto food. Your mom’s anxiety is silly.
NTA cats need to adjust to separation. Being around the 24/7 is what creates separation anxiety. I work as a pet sitter and had a lady with 3 dogs that she had never left alone for even an entire day. She had to take a trip out of state for a week to help with some family stuff and one of the dogs refused to eat for 2 days until one of her friends came over and fed him. He had to be put on anxiety meds in order to be able to eat. They wouldn’t even go outside to go to the bathroom, even if I managed to get them outside. By not teaching them to adjust you’re doing them a disservice. You’re eventually going to have to leave them alone at some point and you don’t want them to go through that when you do.