I (25f) have had a hiking trip planned since the end of January to go to Charons Garden with my Husband, Father-in-law and sister-in-law. My father (51m) has been in an Academy for the past few months to become a sheriff. I’ve seen how hard he’s been working and staying up really late to study and pass all of his exams. Im extremely proud of him.
The problem occurs when last week my dad found out when his graduation would be. My mom called me and told me my father’s graduation was going to be Friday, Feb 13th the same day we were heading out to Oklahoma to go hike Charons Garden(about 4 hrs drive). As soon as I found out I went to my dad and told him the situation. I apologized and said I really wanted to make it but we had prior plans with my in-laws and I would not be able to make it to the graduation as it is the same day we were heading out of town for a hike that we had already planned almost a month ago. I asked him the time of graduation because if it was in the morning we could make it. He did not know the time. About 2/3 days later he tells me that the graduation is at 230pm. That is too late for us, my father-in-law wanted to leave latest at 10am plus we wouldn’t be able to make it in time to the hotel to be able to rest well before hiking the next day. My dad, of course, was upset which i understood and I felt bad I could not go. Fast forward to today. I thought everything was good and we had an understanding but this morning my dad came up to me and asked me at what time I was leaving for the hike. I said around 10am. He was upset and asked why I couldnt leave later. I told him we were going with two other people my father-in-law and sister-in-law. He was wondering as well why I was still going and I told him because we had made prior plans and the graduation date was told very last minute, literally a week ago. He was upset that I was still going and could not leave later so I could watch him graduate. I told him that I was going to FaceTime my mom so I could still watch him graduate but I would not be able to attend. He was not happy with that and said that if the roles were reversed and my father-in-law was graduating from something and we were going on a hiking trip with him and my mom that we would cancel and go to my father-in-laws graduation. I told him that, that is not true at all and we would still go with him and mom because we already made plans. He did not believe me. He was not understanding and said that in life I have to have priorities and learn to prioritize. He said that I was chosing a vacation over him. He also asked if I had work and my child was graduating would I not go? I told him that my in-laws are not work they are also family and you can’t compare that. He was not having it and is very upset. I want to go but I can’t cancel on my father-in-law last minute, who is also paying for the whole trip!
WIBTA if I don’t go to my fathers graduation?
YTA. What if your dad had missed your HS (or equivalent) graduation for a vacation, would you not be upset? A 4 hour drive is nothing in all honesty, and if you guys arent even starting the hike til next day, even if the cermoney lasted 2 hours, youd arrive at the hotel by 8:30-9. Youre simply telling your dad he isnt a priority to you, which if he isnt thats fine. But he has a right to his feelings
YTA. You can always go hiking with your in-laws, especially since it’s just a few hours drive away. This is a once in a life time thing your dad is doing, so I would say it’s more important than a hike. Also, your dad is graduating from a law enforcement academy at 51, probably something he never thought possible. So unless you’re leaving out a whole bunch of backstory regarding you and your dad’s relationship, IMO, you should reschedule the hike and go support your dad. Again, if you’re not leaving anything out, support him like I’m sure he’s supported you in the past.
If it were me I would cancel and attend my Fathers graduation. It is only a hiking trip, how expensive of a trip could it actually be? This is literally a once in a lifetime achievement and you are being dismissive. Also, I am kind of dismayed that your FIL wouldn’t insist that you reschedule so you could attend. Finally, you should learn what a paragraph is.
Extra points for mentioning paragraphs.
You might be the AH. You say your drive is 4 hours. Take separate cars from your in-laws, you leave at 4pm, get there at 8 and have plenty of time to rest up for a hike the next day (you are 25 – I don’t think a 4 hour drive is that hard to recover from). And your choosing to leave so early on Friday at your FIL’s insistence does smack of choosing them over your father.
YTA. It doesn’t seem like you brought this up with your in-laws at all. Maybe they would understand and be okay with rescheduling. It’s a hike. It could be taken anytime. Hotel reservations can be changed. Your father clearly wants you to be there, but it seems like YOU don’t and that you’d rather go on the hiking trip.
You can do whatever you want, of course, but your father has a right to feel disappointed that you’re not going to be there and wouldn’t even try or consider rescheduling.
I get where you’re coming from but I kinda have to lean towards YTA. This is clearly something very important to him and he wants to have his daughter there. It’s not his fault he didn’t know the date earlier. Are you and your husband (or at least yourself) not able to just leave later? At 25 y/o how much recovery time do you really need from sitting in a car? You might miss out on a day of hiking or whatever but you really think hiking takes priority over a major milestone in your dad’s life? I’m sure your in-laws would understand.
Also, in 30 years when your dad is possibly dead, are you going to look back and think “man I wish I would’ve gone to my dad’s once in a lifetime event” or “man I wish I would’ve gone on that hiking trip that was only 4 hours away and could’ve done pretty much any other weekend instead of going to my dad’s graduation”
YTA. It’s a hiking trip, not brain surgery. You should be there for your father.
“ He … said that if the roles were reversed and my father-in-law was graduating from something and we were going on a hiking trip with him and my mom that we would cancel and go to my father-in-laws graduation.”
I just doubt that your dad pulled this out of thin air. Somehow, you have given your dad the impression that when your in-laws say “jump” you say “how high”, but when he says “jump”, you say “get lost”. So I will go with (probable) YTA.
YTA, like just head out a bit later? this is clearly important to him a hiking trip can be rescheduled for any time, his graduation can’t.
Plans since the end of January? This year? So, for two weeks?
YWBTA. Sounds as though you favour your in-laws. Skip the trip and go to the graduation, your in-laws will manage without you.
This is a close call, but I think YTA. Simply because four hours is not that far and you could go on your own. Or your husband and you could drive up together after the graduation. Why do you and your in-laws have to go together?
This obviously means a lot to your dad. And it seems like you have at least an okay relationship with him. Are you a newlywed who is concerned about your new in-law’s opinion? Because you seem overly concerned with your FIL.
Plans change. I’m sure your in-laws can understand that. It’s not like you’re rebooking flights.
YTA for not even attempting to make it work.
Did you ask your in-laws if they would be willing to leave later so you could attend? Did you ask your husband if you could drive separately and meet them there? It’s not like you have to reschedule flights or there’s only one train a day. You’re driving, you can leave whenever you want and still get there in plenty of time for a good night’s sleep before your hike the next day.
YTA. If they are reasonable people, your in-laws will understand that this is a once-in-a-lifetime achievement for your father. There is no good reason you have to go hiking; you don’t have to make your husband cancel his plans, just you stay back and celebrate your father.