i recently reunited with my childhood bestfriend this jan. we became friends when we were 6 and never looked back. we were always there for each other. 4 yrs ago, we stopped talking over a rather stupid fight. i was in the wrong and too ashamed to admit it because i walked out on the friendship at a very bad time. i felt so bad for leaving her at a time like that in her life that i stayed guilt-ridden & scared of reaching out for the next 4 yrs. this jan, after lots of persuasion by my boyf, i finally gathered the courage to reach out & say sorry. lots of tears, & even more laughter later, we picked up right where we left off. everything seemed to go back to normal. i decided to extend the invite to the family event to her. my mom was the one who wanted me to invite her because she’s missed her even more than i’ve- she was like a second daughter to her. to my delight she said yes!
now the issue- while in school, we were a group- me, her and a guy friend who transferred to our school for the final year. tale as old as time, the guy fell for my friend. you could say it was more of a fleeting crush that fizzled out in about 3 weeks because after being rejected, he immediately moved on to liking another girl in class. it was funny & something we all used to joke about. after the fight, we all went our separate ways. the guy and i remained friends and he’s still one of my closest friends to this day. we live super close to each other and hang out almost everyday whenever i’m in the city (i study abroad).
my boyf recently met this friend and his girlfriend at a party and they talked about how i got back in touch with my childhood friend. after learning that i’d also invited my other friend, both of them suddenly went quiet. the girlf started going off about how the thought of him being around his "ex" made her so uncomfortable. both boys clarified that he never dated her and it was only a crush. completely ignoring their explanation, she continued on about how she hates all his friends & how his "exes" make her uncomfortable. the next day, my guy friend called and he started apologising, saying that his girlf forbade him from attending. i suggested he reassure her or even bring her as a +1 to the event so she feels more comfortable. i have never met this girl(despite them being together for more than 2 yrs at this point but that’s a story for another day) & inviting her to an intimate family event made me uncomfortable but still, i extended the invite hoping it’d fix things. she refuses to come and refuses to let him go either. he has been absolutely distraught for the past 2 weeks just trying to persuade her and wondering how to fix this. even last year, we also stopped talking for a while because his girlf forbade him from talking to us. i told him i dont want him to stress out over this and even if he doesnt attend, i wouldnt hold it over his head. his girlfriend is saying it is my fault and i shouldnt have invited my childhood bestfriend. AITA?
NTA. This isn’t about a personal conflict you’re involved in, OP. The answer to your guy friend is that he’s welcome to come if he wants to, but that you’ll understand if he stays home with his GF. She is no longer invited.
Do you want to be told you’re the A-hole here because you’re letting this GF control your friend? Is reconnecting with your old friend somehow a problem? Friend’s GF doesn’t get to set the guest list for your family gathering.
NTA. This person you’ve never even met doesn’t get to dictate who you invite to your own personal event. Your friend who hasn’t even introduced you to her, maybe because she hates all his friends, sounds like TA to me. Anyway, it’s not your problem. He’s the one being led around by his…well, I won’t go there. Just know you did nothing wrong. I hope you and your friend from high school have a great time.
I’d say it is his gf that is being the only problem here, her and her insecurities.
NTA
Info: Maybe it’s just me but I am having trouble following any of this. What is the actual “event?”
NTA – If she wasn’t drawing a line over this she would be doing it over something else. Based on her past behavior, she wants to push you out of his life and someone she can label as an ex is just the convenient excuse. He needs to choose how much he is going to give up to appease her insecurity.
NTA. The girlfriend’s reaction to your longtime friend’s resurgence in your life is not yours to manage. If your other friend is not going to attend because he doesn’t want to upset her, that’s his business. You didn’t do anything wrong. The girlfriend needs to get her insecurity in check.
NTA but only if you don’t let this girl control the situation.. invite your friend and let the guy friend make his own decisions. You don’t want to miss another moment with your friend after missing 4 years of them to someone who probably won’t be around later.
NTA.
That girl sounds like a jealous, controlling nightmare. To get so hysterical over a three week crush is ridiculous. I hope your friend sees the light before he becomes isolated ftom all his friends and family.
i can confidently say that unfortunately, me and my boyfriend are the only friends he has left at this point. he is no longer in contact with anyone from school or university, even though him and his girlfriend met in college and she has a huge friend group. he hesitates to mention her to us and even to his family, worried that it might change our view of her. this was the first time in 2 years he actually came asking for advice about the issues they’re having.
Why is he letting her tell him who he can and can’t talk to? I assume he’s a grown ass man, and even if he wasn’t, he doesn’t need her “permission” to do anything.
NTA, but this is HIS problem, and one he isn’t doing anything about.
So NTA!!! Your male friends girlfriend appears to be really insecure and controlling! This is your male friend’s problem that he needs to sort out. I think it’s amazing that you’ve invited your childhood best friend and such a beautiful story if you minus the situation of the male who is being controlled by his girlfriend.
NTA. You have done everything you can to reassure her; now it is up to him. Perhaps there is a reason she is so disturbed by his desire to meet up with past friends. Maybe he has done something to make her feel insecure; we don’t know.
Or, she is just an insecure person who has found a guy who is willing to be ordered who he can and can’t see.
If it were my friend, I’d suggest he find a new girlfriend, but you know him; I don’t. There is nothing for you to do. The offers have been made. Now it is up to them.
NTA, and the thought of an adult being “forbade” by their SO to some to an event where a never-GF is attending is wacky. Your boy needs to figure out if she is right for him, because from what I read, she’s a childish, immature wackadoodle.
Enjoy the party with your friend. Don’t worry about your guy friend…he’ll survive the FOMO.
Capitals aren’t a thing?