I’m using a throwaway account as always.
so my mom has a tradition which is every friday dinner we eat together because i don’t tend to have a lot of time home, and when i do i eat late. but recently my gf invited me to dinner to meet her dad’s family (i met her dad before but only very briefly when he came to her school play where i was too).
sadly she only did so Wednesday night so i only told my mom on thursday early afternoon and she got really mad at me for not telling her before and for cancelling our dinner together, telling me that we planned to invite a friend over (we planned, but the plan was never executed) and I’m insulting that friend and his family. she also talked about how i always try not to be around her and i hate her, which i really don’t, i just use what little free time i have between school, work and my time with my dad for my hobbies or friends. and also how she does so much for me (pays the household bills, food, and my therapist and school which are paid out of the money she gets from my insurance for me being disabled).
Am i actually in the wrong or is she just needy?
NAH, say sorry mom and ask if you can have dinner another day. she’s not mad, you hurt her feelings. just apologize
I tried, she keeps talking about “apologize with actions not words”
That may be true, but she’s handling it like child.
NTA. You’re allowed to have a life outside your mom, even if you appreciate what she does for you.
Accusing you of hating her, saying you’re trying to avoid her, and guilt tripping you with “I pay for everything” is emotionally manipulative. That turns a simple scheduling conflict into a personal attac
NTA – Friday is a bad day to pick for date night with your mom. Weekends are generally when people are out with their friends or significant others. Pick another night of the week to do this. That way you can still see her, but also have your time for your personal pursuits.
I don’t have any weeknight because i work, on days i don’t work i have my therapist and support group
Why couldn’t you pick any other day to go out with your girlfriend and her dad?
Idk she lashed out, but you did list out things and people you try to spend your time on in this post and your mom isn’t on that list. She might have a point. When you told your mom you couldnt go did you try to reschedule your dinner with your mom?
It sounds like she is tired of being the only one trying to have a relationship. If you don’t want a relationship with her or she is not a good parent that’s fine, but in any relationship the people in it both have to put in effort. It sounds like your mom tries maybe figure out if you want to try.
You aren’t really the ahole for missing this dinner, but it sounds like there are other issues.
ESH
1. No i didn’t try to reschedule because it is every other week and i don’t really have any other time.
2. My effort is that most of the time we’re together im helping her do the things she likes to do, i usually don’t like to do most of them.
Her expectations are unreasonable. You don’t owe her an apology.
Why didn’t you ask your GF if you could schedule dinner with her dad the following week so you weren’t cancelling plans the day before?
Why didn’t you ask your mom if you could reschedule instead of ask her to cancel?
If you don’t like your mom, fine – don’t plan events with her.
But if you have a plan with one person and cancel (especially late notice) because something more important to you comes up, YTA.
NTA
“every friday” … that’s ridiculous. plan your own life.
still a lot. how old are you?