AITA Im 18M and my gf is also 18F and im having a super hard time managing my emotions when it comes to her friend 18F about to turn 19, she’s extremely immature and has done multiple things that has made me very uncomfortable. (forcing a kiss on my gf 18F while I was away during new years last year, did things with someone that technically was not of age, lying about eating disorders and then poof! They’re gone once she hangs out with my gf 18F, complaining about needing money all the time to my gf even tho it’s her irresponsible spending, saying she never has gas yet drives between towns and is always doing stuff, she’s hurt my gfs feelings countless times! She even did yesterday also 18F.) My gf 18F is always coming to me about it so I’m having to just witness it all the time and it’s effecting me too to be honest. I’ve just grown honestly as bad as it sounds, hate for her. And she’s constantly asking my gf to hangout which isn’t the problem it’s my trust in her is completely gone and it’s been replaced with no trust and hate. Shes constantly partying and is just constantly spreading drama to my gf about her friends and it’s just drama drama yk and my gf doesn’t appreciate the drama either. My Gf and Her friend are in a friend group that seems to be falling apart and it’s just all of them lying and talking shit about eachother and they’re also similar because they’re druggies or pretty much drunks, I smoke weed but they’re doing more than just weed which I’m not comfortable with being around or her being around either, I have a bad history in my family with drugs so I don’t want anything to do with it! Am I the asshole for hating on her and not really wanting my gf to hangout to much with her? (I’m not telling or forcing my gf to do anything, in the end it’s her choice when it comes to what she wants to do but I don’t really like the idea of them hanging out to much) am I the asshole?
NTA, but just tell your girlfriend that you don’t want to hang out with these kinds of people. Be up-front about it. Either she’s onboard or she’s not, but either way you need to find out now.
NTA, but this is just the kind of bullshit that happens when you’re 18. You’ll all grow out of it soon, I promise. In the meantime tell your girlfriend that you don’t like that friend and don’t want to have to hang out with her any more. You can’t dictate who your girlfriend hangs out with though.
You’re not an asshole for how you feel about someone. That’s your own opinion. You would be the asshole if you try to stop your girlfriend from seeing this person based on your personal feelings. You would not be the asshole if you tell her that this constant venting is stressing you out and you’re worried about her. You would be an asshole if you told her she can’t hang out with who she wants regardless of the substance reason. You would not be the asshole to say you don’t want to date someone who is around hard drugs due to your past. If she doesn’t want to stop hanging out with people who use and you don’t want to date someone who’s around people who use then you’re just not comparable.
NTA yet.
Don’t give it time to fester. Cut the toxic people out of your life and unfortunately that might mean your GF too. Good luck.
NTA – You see the friend for what she is. You have many facts to back it.
There is a possibility that your GF will see what is going on. She might ask for space and not hang out with her.
NTA. You should discuss this with your GF.
Staying in a toxic situation will eventually also poison you so better think about this. You might have to do something drastic or else nothing will change.
There’s also a YOU in this.
It’s not her friend you should be worrying about: you have a gf problem. Your gf is into this unhealthy stuff and if you don’t want it in your life you need to walk away.
NTA
NTA, with the information you’ve provided, your gf’s friend is obviously the problem. However, I am curious though, why is your gf still hanging around her then? You did say that your gf does not “appreciate” the drama either, so it is implied that she doesn’t like her friend? Also, let’s not glaze over the fact that she forced a kiss on her? You say “force” so I am going to take this at face value and plainly state that this is SA. Your gf’s friend is not a good friend, and it would be healthy for both you and your gf to put distance. Since you are 18, unfortunately, this kind of behavior is sort of normalized in this age bracket, so this is the time where you will have to start being able to sort through which friend is healthy to keep around. Communicate your feelings to your gf, keep an open-mind, and IDK what your gf is like, but depending on what kind of person she is, prepare for a negative reaction, because it is odd that she’s still friends with her (but then again, don’t really know the situation, this is all pretty vague.) Gl and I wish the best for you
Thank you guys for all the responses and I want to dive into it a bit more since it was pretty vague lol!
I’ve absolutely talked to her about her friend and I’ve expressed my uncomfortable ness about it and she understands but doesn’t say do or act like she’s cares very much because I feel like she just doesn’t want to face the facts about her friend, and I’ve talked to her about how she should take a step back and look at her friends and see what they’ve been doing and then deciding whether or not those people are healthy to keep in her life, I’ve never said she couldn’t hangout with anyone she’s completely free to do what she wants but at some point her doing whatever she wants to do is actually affecting me. Also another fact about her friend that makes me lose even more trust is that my gfs friend is bisexual and and said and I quote “you’re definitely my type but I wouldn’t ever do anything.” To my gf (while I was away… again…). And that made me uncomfortable, I’m not sure if that’s me being insecure but I dont like it at all. I have a couple of gay/busexual friends that are actually my best friends but we’ve never ever discussed anything like that or have gotten sexual with eachother, I’m straight and I love my gf very much but that feels weird to me. And like it feels like they’re in relationship or her friend is acting like they are yk??
I’ll keep responding if people want for more details.
One last thing!! I hope everyone sees this, I’ve talked to my gfs mom about her friend but leaving out lots of details trying my best to be respectful, her mom doesn’t care either and had said that her family has done lots for my gfs family. It makes me feel horrible honestly that I’m the only person that sees her friend in the light yk
Just frame it not as “I don’t want you hanging out with her” but as a “she seems to be having a really negative effect on you and you never seem to have a good time with her and as your BF it hurts me to see you in pain. I don’t think spending time with her is good for you.” NTA
Does your girlfriend have a backbone? A true friend would tell their friend exactly how they feel. Yes, even in high school.
Be honest. Simple.
Why is she friend with someone she doesn’t respect or value? If what you’ve said is true, you don’t have to be friends with someone who is disrespectful and makes you uncomfortable. Immaturity plays here too, of course. Sometimes friends drift apart because of this. That’s fair.
Remember, she’s your girlfriend’s friend and part of her inner circle and support system. Not yours. You can give advice, but her decision needs to be by your girlfriend.
Her choices:
A) Confront her friend and be honest. Give it a chance.
B) Realize she’s grown apart due to maturity levels and end the friendship. But be tasteful and kind about it.
Why pretend? You are all adults here.
NTA. Not over loving someone and listening to them. But healthy people have healthy boundaries. Your girlfriend needs to voice them…or learn to. Also, part of being an adult.