My partner, that I adore, and I are moving into our first joint apartment and he mentioned wanting to paint a wall. I said I’d be okay with it as long as he got permission from the landlord. He pushed back saying he didn’t need permission and I told him it made me uncomfortable to move forward without having it. He said even if they say no he’s still going to do it.
Furthermore, I initially believed he just wanted an accent wall and it turns out he wants to use it as an ongoing canvas to paint on and to change whenever he wanted. He’s creative, but not someone I know for his artistic abilities, and it sounds like having this wall is a non-negotiable for him. AITA for pushing back?
NTA
You’re allowed to have an opinion on the matter. And not asking for permission to do something like this can cost you your deposit. Most times they say as long as you paint it to the original color prior to moving you’re ok, but I wouldn’t take the risk of not asking first.
Edited to add: you are NTA.
Are you on the lease? Honestly, I wouldn’t move in. This is a big red flag of disrespect. It’s not his property. His attitude displays a lack of boundaries. If he is ignoring your concerns that should give you a clue that this is not a partnership.
Some land lords would be totally cool with it. Others not so much. The point is your boyfriend doesn’t care. He wants what he wants.
Yeah, that adoration you feel for your partner will disappear real fuckin’ quick if he does this. Depending on where you are – I’d google it – but you could (and most likely will) face both the loss of your security deposit, or at least part of it, in order to restore the wall and potential eviction *when* the landlord finds out.
NTA.
Furthermore, his insistence that he needn’t ask makes me think he has either asked already and been told no, or he knows the answer will be no.
Either way, don’t do it or you’ll lose your deposit. He can be creative on a wall he owns.
Info: is he willing to pay the security deposit and risk not getting it back? If he’s willing to take the financial risk, then I’d say let go and let him do it (not in your main living space lol)
NTA.
This isn’t about controlling his creativity, it’s about respecting shared space, lease rules, and your comfort, especially when you’re both financially responsible for the apartment. The fact that he’s willing to ignore the landlord and your boundary is the real issue here.
NTA.
Can you offer a space for canvas or art stuff so he can “be creative” in a way that doesn’t disrupt the living area or risk costing you your deposit and potentially being in bad terms with a new landlord?
If it was a one and done then it would be different but he doesn’t seem to have a real vision for the space and he also doesn’t seem to understand “shared” space.
It’s something you both have to agree with.
I like this solve and floated the idea of a large canvas in place of the wall so fingers crossed this can be the remedy.
NTA. Check with the lease and with the landlord. This may not be allowed and there could be monetary consequences.
NAH. It’s completely reasonable to paint a rental apartment you plan to inhabit for a while. I have painted every place I planned to stay for longer than a year. It’s very human to want to decorate your space. You aren’t wrong for not being on board with something that is technically probably against the rules of your lease. I also would need to find a compromise between bare white walls and an ongoing freeform mural. Accent wall seems like a comfortable place to agree.
NTA
Tell him you’re totally okay with it as long as he puts up the entire deposit so that the risk of his decision falls on him.
If he won’t do it, don’t move in with him.
If he literally can’t afford to do it – DON’T MOVE IN WITH HIM.
NTA.
Painting a wall without landlord’s permission?
And repeatedly too?
The landlord didn’t agree to that.
Your partner, refusing to budge on an issue that will affect you greatly, is a red flag. 🚩
What other hills is he willing to die on?
I would not want to be with a person who makes me uncomfortable daily.
Everyday looking at that painted wall will remind me of his unwillingness to compromise.
*Painting a wall without landlord’s permission?*
*And repeatedly too?*
*The landlord didn’t agree to that.*
Depends on the country. In Germany you can (usually) do it as many times as you want, without needing permission, as long as you restore it back to what it originally looked like (usually just white) when you move out. Took me a long time to wrap my mind around that, because where I come from, you don’t spend money on doing anything to a rental place, not because of the lack of permission but just because you don’t own it, so you’re not investing money into anything that you can’t take with you when you move out. But here in Germany, it is very common to do it.
NTA. This is kind of a silly issue and weird hill for him to die on but his attitude about it gives me some concerns. Doesn’t want to ask for permission and even if he gets a no he says he’ll do it anyway. I also get the feeling that if the landlord isnt happy upon move out (not exactly the right color or bf did a bad paint job to get it back to normal), bf will still expect you to split the hit on the security deposit.
Its hard because this is kind of innocent? But in my experience, people who think they are above the rules, ask for forgiveness not permission, don’t care about the rules as long as they think they want get caught, etc., are almost always terrible roommates and terrible partners. What happens when its a boundary of yours and not the landlords? For example, if you think its gross to drink straight out of the milk carton and ask him not to, do you think he will respect it, or do you think he’ll do it anyway and “what you don’t know can’t hurt you”. If you think the latter, then don’t move in with him. Either way, NTA