I have been living with a group of friends (Maddy, Daniel and Aisha) for two years now, but the situation is no longer sustainable for me. They are not pulling their weight with chores and have been quite unfair to me, Maddy and our partners for odd reasons. We all used to maintain the house so well and supported each other through our first rental away from parents, but things have changed significantly.
Daniel rarely goes to work and Aisha does not work at all (her parents began paying her rent when she was studying); despite being home all the time, they do not do the chores they assigned for themselves. Instead they expect Maddy and I to stay on top of it (even though we are often at work, school or travelling). Our assigned chores include cleaning mould from the bathroom and laundry, which Daniel and Aisha don’t do while we’re away.
Maddy is moving out soon with her partner – who Daniel and Aisha were quite openly rude to. Aisha has also begun to make me uncomfortable about my partner, though she never had a problem with him before we started dating. She was a psychology major and tends to speak to me as if I am naive or unwell; I’m tired of being made to feel there’s something wrong with me or I can’t trust myself. I just feel unhappy and uncomfortable, even though I’d still like to maintain a (distant) friendship with these two.
A couple of other friends (Hannah and Ellie) are looking for a new housemate. They are super kind and keep their space beautiful. It just seems like a lovely landing place if only for the rest of the year. It’s not totally ideal; rent is more expensive (split between four people: $820/week instead of $730/week) and I was hoping to move out of my hometown soon. The only viable excuse I could give to Aisha and Daniel for moving is that Hannah and Ellie’s place is within walking distance of my job. But it’s only a 10 minute drive from my current place…
I’m also putting Aisha, Daniel and our new roommate in a tricky situation as they’d be forced to split the rent between three instead of four while rent prices are increasing. My only consolation for this is that their new roommate works full-time as a pharmacist and is living with her parents before moving in, so she’s at least more financially stable than Maddy and I. I just don’t want to tell them my real reasons for leaving.
I hope this makes sense. TL;DR – I’m not happy in my current rental due to laziness from housemates and strained friendship. I want to move in with some other friends last minute, but I don’t have any great excuses.
NTA for wanting for find a better living situation. However, the longer you wait to have a discussion about this with your soon to be former roommates, the closer to being an AH you get. I agree they sound like shitty roommates, but it would be shitty to leave them high and dry with no advanced warning. Be an adult, have a difficult conversation, and accept that the friendships may need to change going forward if they can’t be reasonable during that conversation
NTA
But I don’t see why you won’t tell them you can no longer live with them. You find the treatment of your partner rude and their inability to act as responsible adults unsustainable for you. They can always find another roommate if they really need to. They honestly sound like they should be moving back in with their parents to learn how to be adults before they are released on the world again.
NTA as it’s your right to move if your lease is up. I would be more upfront with them though, these don’t seem to be people you want to continue having a friendship with anyways so you should be honest about why you are leaving.
NTA. Would it be possible for you to not sign the lease but to stay for a month or until they find a new roommate to replace you? Idk how urgently your other friends need a roommate but that might be nice to give them a little more notice. But definitely tell them asap either way, they need time to search for a new roommate. Honestly I think you should be honest with them about why you’re leaving. At the very least just say “I like you guys as friends but we’re not compatible for living together”
NTA for wanting to move out. Rip the band aid off and tell them immediately so they can look for someone else. But you are being a jerk to your partner. You are allowing these people to disrespect them. Living with them makes things a bit more complicated, but you want to maintain a friendship afterwards? Why? To avoid confrontation? That’s a part of life. You don’t even like spending time with them and so why are you willing to allow your partner to be treated badly for their sake? Stand up for yourself and your partner. It will suck at first, but it get’s better and you don’t have to worry about walking on eggshells to appease people you don’t even like!
NTA. It’s your right to move when your lease is up. I would tell them now. However, don’t make excuses. Be honest about why they are crappy roommates. It’s not like you will need them for references in the future.
Info: you are supposed to clean mold up yourself? you mean the stuff that grows when water stays in one place for too long? why do you have mold?
Where the fuck do you live and it what type of mansion that 4 people are all spending \~$3000/month for a house share? Or are y’all splitting the $3000 between 4? Because $730 a month is so cheap in the US (making assumptions based on your $ usage)
NTA for leaving for any reason when a lease is up AND it’s only fair that you inform them ASAP so they can address their own problem.
*Also*, I say this having a PhD in psych: A BS in psych is indeed a Bull Shit degree. You *need* additional training to do anything with a psych degree, so I can’t say I’m surprised your lazy, unemployed roommate is weaponizing therapy speak. I genuinely hate this kind of person. Next time she tries that shit, just look her in the eyes and say, “I sincerely don’t believe you understand wtf you’re talking about. Either go back to school for more training in psych, or get a fucking job before you come for me. *I* know how to navigate the real world without my mommy and daddy’s money.”
NTA. Situation changed. Even if it didn’t. You are free to leave. Uncomfortable to discuss. Sure. But don’t waste another year living with people you don’t want to out of “obligation” that doesnt exist.
NTA
Just flatley tell them you are moving.. if they ask why is because no one is doing shit to keep the play up besides you and 1 other and they seem hostile to your s/o.