Context: I had to edit this down a lot, im happy to answer questions about context. I wont put names or specific places for privacy. The three friends will be called B, K, and M. We had been friends for 3 years
During the end of our senior year i noticed them all getting really distant. I asked B’s partner K if they were alright, and i was told that everything was good and it was just stress from our finals. Normally i would overthink this but i was finally coming out of my shell regarding socialization so i listened
Our college hosts a trip to a major city to visit some animation studios/shop around/tour. Immediately off of the bus B, K, and M speedwalk into a big stationary/manga store. Most of the students were in there (i went to an art college, we are all nerds lmao). I lost track of them multiple times but eventually caught up
I didnt talk to them about this beforehand. But as i said i was trying to do normal social things so i tried inviting myself along with them. We hung out after classes for hours. Ive been told its normal to just go with them when youre that close
During the trip they were constantly leaving me behind, ignoring me, or rushing ahead. I have chronic pain so walking gets painful, ill add that K is also disabled with a cane. My face was on fire, i was drenched in sweat, my asthma was flaring, my feet and back were burning so bad i was almost crying. No one asked how i was. I asked them to slow down several times, but again i was ignored. There was no hurry either. We had to be at the studios at a certain time and we arrived half an hour early
At one point they left me behind when a crosswalk had changed. Not a SINGLE one of them even looked back or stopped. Im a woman, in the largest city on this coast and i was alone. I was terrified, i had no idea where we were or where we were going. I was convinced i was about to be lost
I eventually got back to them. M FINALLY asks me if im alright after hours of ignoring me, it felt a little insulting. I cried my eyes out quietly on the bus and later on the phone with my dad.I was crushed
Later i messaged them. I told them how hurt and upset i was, i was also so confused and said how i was just trying to do what friends do
I was sent a long text about how they had a ton of issues with me and were mad that i never take their advice related to executive functioning. They said they had to walk on eggshells around me and how they couldnt be near me anymore for their mental health
I was so confused. Not once during those 3 years had any of them ever talked to me about problems they had. We had a casual discussion and a short text about ADHD/autism advice but thats it. I was lied to. I was told everything was fine and it wasnt, thats why i was so insistent
I can 100% understand if this was after a serious conversation about how much it bothered them and i didnt listen, but this wasnt the case. I was told by B that i needed to get the hint and be more aware of social cues
INFO: how did you guys become “friends”? Because by the way you’ve written this, it kind of sounds like you just glommed onto them and that perhaps you thought there was a friendship that never was.
It naturally happened because we were in the same major and had mostly all of the same classes. We were actually very close. B specifically was like my twin flame because we were so much alike. Me, B, and K spent hours together in the learning commons after school and had a shit ton of fun. I was told “i love you” multiple times in the platonic way, we would study together, we would rant about our ocs and fav characters together, etc. i had to cut part of that out of the post, ty for asking!
Okay gotcha.
I’m gonna say NTA here then.
It’s clear that the friendship has run its course in some fashion **or** that it needs to change. These individuals could have had a much more direct conversation with you regarding this but I suspect they were trying to run the clock on the semester and were going to pull back after graduation.
If it were me, while it sucks, I would cut my losses.
Thank you. After the back and forth messages i pretty much pulled away from them completely. There were some general interactions because of the same classes but other than that i really figured it was done and i should just give them space
Don’t just give them space, be done with them forever.
NTA but yeah these people are not your friends. I think given that you’ve had the conversations with them about autism advice, real friends would know better and to communicate in a clear and direct manner. Yes the social cue in the situation you describe is a group trying very hard to get away from you specifically. They should have just said that they don’t want to hang out with you, but most people don’t want to do that because it feels awful and, to anyone else, would be extremely rude.
That sucks OP, I hope you’re able to find people who are interested in actually including you and having a real friendship.
Thank you so much! This really messed up my sense of trust in people but i have a wonderful therapist helping me work through it rn as well as some amazing online friends. Im aware that sometimes im very stubborn with advice and complain too much, but its the fact that there wasnt any kind of talk or sit down conversation that really gets me. Thats exactly the reason why i was so insistent and kept trying despite all of the signs. I still have no idea why they didnt just talk to me.
NTA, how are you supposed to take ‘social cues’ when constantly being assured there’s nothing going on. Please find yourself some non-toxic friends.
NTA but keep your dignity. Don’t invite yourself places, you put them in a situation that if they said no TBTA and they showed pretty blatantly they aren’t your friends. I would have used the trip to explore on my own, and when I got back never spoke to any of them again. Walking fast to get away from someone, treating you coldly, not waiting g for you to make the light too, sounds like HS behavior. Sounds awful, and you can make friends with other people that treat you well. I don’t see the point in talking about anything with them, it’s disappointing I’m sure. Take it on the chin, and cut all contact.
NTA. If, as you note, they never said anything to you about their issues with you, there’s no way that you could have known what’s going with them. It’s time to find new friends who are more communicative.