Yesterday, at my girlfriend’s house I (39 male) told her that her music sucks. Tonight on the phone she told me that it was "mean" I don’t consider it mean because I had no ill intent in saying it. I value being able to speak the truth and to me that is a fact so I feel like i should be able to say it without it being taken offensively. I do not consider it an insult. She insists that it is in fact an insult and an unnecessary thing to say. She says that she doesn’t always like the music I play but does not vocalize it because it is not kind or helpful to do so. I told her that it is crazy and illogical to think that is mean. I feel like I have to baby her and walk on eggshells around her because she gets sad and pouty if I say something she doesn’t like. I am just wondering if I am the asshole in this situation or should she try to not be as sensitive?
YTA.
i jUsT tELl iT LiKE iT iS
YTA
YTA, absolutely.
YTA. You don’t value being able to tell the truth, you just like being an ass and your opinion gets dragged into it
You can’t be serious. I don’t believe this post is in good faith. If you actually think it’s OK to tell your girlfriend her music sucks you have a lot of growing up to do. You sound like a dick
YTA
It is an insult and is mean
Seriously? So if I told you that you suck and it is an objective fact based on your post, you think that isn’t mean?
What were you trying to accomplish by telling her that?
Yta. Your taste in music sucks.
You suck. To me that is a fact so it can’t be an insult.
YTA
YTA. You don’t have to like her music, but is it necessary to be an AH about it??
“I don’t like it, personally” is honest and is an opinion based on your experience. “Your music sucks” is spoken as an objective truth about the quality of her taste, isn’t provable, and means YTA.
YTA in a big way.
Music taste isn’t objective or logical, it’s completely subjective and personal. There is no right or wrong way to enjoy music. You sound extremely elitist and judgemental.
She’s not expecting you to walk on eggshells. She’s expecting you to treat her with respect and human decency. But you seem incapable of that. Do you even like her?
YTA and a huge one! Don’t excuse saying hurtful things and justify it as honesty. Your GF telling you things that hurt her is setting her boundaries and you think it’s a form of “babying” smh
YTA. It’s not a fact, it’s your opinion. Opinions are subjective. It’s a fact that you personally don’t like her music, just like it’s a fact that she does like it, but both of those stances are opinions. You are prioritizing saying whatever you want, whenever you want (I’m gonna guess however you want – sounds like you didn’t say this very nicely either) over your girlfriend’s feelings. If you continue you to do that, you will not have a girlfriend much longer.
Here’s a rule of thumb. Think of this when you want to express an opinion:
1) is it true?
2) is it kind?
3) does this need to be said by me right now?
It should be minimum 2/3, ideally 3/3. If it does not meet that criteria, you should not say it. And remember that your opinions are subjective not facts – it is true that you think her music sucks, but it is not an objective truth that her music fundamentally sucks.
Learn to practice kindness and better judgement.