My husband (73) has recently had some health problems that necessitated several appointments with various doctors. He prefers for me to drive him, although he can drive himself.
Today’s appointment was for an Xray at our regular medical facility, which is about 1½ miles from our home. It was set for 9:40 (which at the time I write this, is still 20 minutes away.). At 8:45 he started agitating that I should get ready to go. Due to his military background, he sees being at an appointment on time, or up to 20 minutes before, is "almost late."
I refused. I said I would get ready at 9:15, which for a drive time of 5 minutes still leaves him plenty of time.
He got mad at me and grabbed his keys, stomped out of the house, and has driven himself.
Is refusing to sit in for 45 minutes in a doctor’s waiting room being unreasonable?
NTA. He sounds exhausting. He took himself though, so problem solved.
lol, no, NTA. It’s not like doctor’s offices are exactly known for running on time. Arriving 10 minutes early to complete any required paperwork is fine.
NTA and if he wants to leave so early he is free to drive himself.
NTA. I hate being late and would prefer to be early, but 45 minutes for an office that’s 1.5 miles away is crazy. Arriving ten to fifteen minutes early is early enough.
You are NTA. He’s probably feeling extremely sad that he’s no longer in control of his health and driving and fearing it worsening in the future making him act out against you.
Understanding his state of mind doesn’t make it ok however. Could you discuss future appt needs for the future so it doesn’t come to this again? Maybe a therapist can help.
NTA – Tho… gotta think that assuming you have been married for a while, as you are both in your 70s, that this sort of thing should have come up… ohhhh more than a few times in the decades you’ve been married. Seems like something that would have been worked through by now.
Constantly over the last 50+ years. I started putting my foot down on things like theater times, since I am also semi-disabled and cannot stand around and wait for 30 or 40 minutes. Since there is a waiting room with (very uncomfortable) chairs in this instance, he seems to think I should be OK with being that early.
Tell him you’re helping him become independent and glad he could figure out how to drive himself.
I’m going NAH. You’re allowed to want to manage your time how you want. He is allowed to manage his time his way. He shouldn’t have stomped out, but I imagine he is probably stressed by his health issues.
He can drive himself there. You wouldn’t be able to be in the x-ray room with him, anyway. So, he drives himself there and you get a more relaxed morning. Sounds like a win-win.
And if he doesn’t like driving? Well, it’s only a m,ile away, you could try suggesting he walk.
nta, “he prefers for me to drive him, although he can drive himself”, “stomped out of the house, and has driven himself”. he is a fully capable adult who not only can and did drive himself to this appointment, but he is acting like a child getting mad at you for this.
a lot of medical facilities will do “appointment time: 9:40, arrive by 9:30”, but from what your post said there was no reason to show up early. there was even more no reason to storm out of the house and just drive himself.
op- im sorry you’re married to a 70 something child. you’d think with all those years of experience he’d learn to get a grip.
Honestly post c19, alot of clinics don’t even want people in their waiting rooms that early. NTA
No, but him expecting you to always chauffeur him makes him one. And 5 minutes away to get an x-ray?? And having a tantrum because he has to (checks notes) be an adult?? NTA.
If he wants to sit & wait for an hour before the appointment, he can drive himself. It’s an X-ray, not a surgical procedure. He’s fine.