Hi so I (19M) had written a short story for my creative writing class that my best friend S (19F) had read. I’m a gay man and my professor pushed me to start writing things I haven’t taken from my own life which I have mostly done last semester. I had written a short little romance, where to summarize it, I had hooked up with my rabbi’s son on the roof of a synagogue. I had thought it was pretty obvious that this story was fake and was just written for fun but when S had read it after I got my grade back for it she confessed to me that she’s been lying to me for years.
Prior to this she always said how she was asexual and how understanding her boyfriend was to not push her to do anything and how kind and sweet he was. I’m still a virgin because I’m not in any rush to have any sexual experience and haven’t met anyone I’ve considered dating. She admitted that she has been lying because she felt bad that I was still a virgin so she pretended that she also was but after reading my story realized I wasn’t so she decided to come clean about how much she actually loved sex.
I don’t care one way or the other, I’m not sure why she was lying to me about this. Considering I was never hung up about being a virgin and never really even discussed it with her. I told her that the story wasn’t real and she got really mad at me and told me I betrayed her trust, and that the story was the only reason she told me the truth. I feel so confused because her sex life couldn’t matter less to me.
We’re purely platonic friends, I am hurt that she’s been lying to me for years for seemingly no reason but now she is angry with me saying I manipulated her into telling her the truth. I feel lost and am unsure I can trust her again but don’t know if I’m overthinking it and if I should’ve said something sooner about the story?
AITA for letting her read the story causing her to tell me the truth about her sex life without telling her it was made up prior?
This weird idk. I don’t get her reasoning on why she lied to you about that??
NTA. And I think the question is: did she lie the first time? Or the second time?
Actually, I think what you’ve learned is that your friend lies to make her audience (you) like her. She basically told you as much. If she thinks you’re a virgin, then she’s also a virgin. If you are having wild sex on rooftops, then so is she.
Essentially, she’s trying to craft an image of herself that matches with the person she’s talking to. When you revealed that you are still a virgin, she realized that she had played the wrong card / switched her image in a way she couldn’t come back from.
Women are judged more harshly than men are for sex, so I’d give her some grace for her lie. It could be that she’s from a religious background and feels like she needs to hide aspects of her life from people she knows.
However, her line about wanting to preserve *your* feelings makes no sense. It’s clearly not her real motivation. So if I were you, I would be attentive to any other stories or self – images she shares that don’t add up.
NTA. She gave that information freely. You didn’t ask, nor do you care. If anyone’s being manipulative, it’s her. She’s deflecting responsibility for her actions on you.
NTA. What the heck? She read what she wanted into your story, loredumped, then blamed you for writing a story that made her? And there was no shame from you either way on her sexuality? Yeah no…her headcanon is very strange and dramatic. That’s not how things work.
Well, since you said you usually write from your own experience, it makes sense your friend thought this story was also based on your experience. Still, she just sounds a bit mixed up and embarrassed about everything and maybe you should give her some space–like no one forced her to tell you anything. NAH.
I think your AITA question is beside the point; you know you’re not an AH for letting her read a short story that you had no idea would elicit this confession. I think this is more of a question for r/AmIOverreacting . But since you’re here I’ll say NTA for being upset with her, it was bizarre for her to lie about her sexual orientation (not just about being a virgin) and I don’t think you should trust her.
Side note: does your rabbi actually have a son? Because if “my rabbi’s son” is a real person, don’t write stories about real people unless you change enough details to make them unrecognizable. If the rabbi’s son is a real person, you could have written about your mom’s (fictional) friend’s son, or the hot new cantor or something. But don’t put real people in stories especially in sexual situations.
I don’t like your friend. She sounds from the little I know like she makes everything about her. How could your assignment for school be a manipulative tactic to get her to confess something you didn’t know (or care to know) she was doing? The mental gymnastics required for her to make you in the wrong because she lied is baffling. NTA. Get better friends when you finish highschool.
NTA at all! She’s the one who lied and she probably feels a little silly for it so she’s making you the bad guy so she doesn’t have to be
NTA. It’s really weird she thinks you wrote a piece of fiction to trick her into telling you about her sex life.
NTA. Friend is being weird and is likely just mad at herself for confessing and just twisting it so it’s your fault. Silly goose
NTA sounds like she’s projecting
>I betrayed her trust
After she had been lying for years. Yeah she feels guilty so she’s trying to make you the bad guy.
NTA – Her reaction sounds like she might have less than platonic feelings for you and had been hoping you could be bi or something. Doesnt make sense but I’ve seen it before.
Yeah no, not the AH, your “friend” is a red flag though.
She’s playing victim when SHE lied, and SHE CHOSE to tell you she had lied about something that literally meant nothing?
And now she’s mad at you because your story was fake and SHE confessed her lie to you..
Yeah, no. She’s making it all about her.
Please, for your own mental health, cut her out of your life.
NTA. Your friend made a lot of assumptions, prior to the story and after the story that put her in this position, and she has no one but herself to blame.
I’m happy to spend three or four paragraphs discussing matters further, but it would all be speculation. The only addition I will make is that I’m not necessarily going to say break up your platonic relationship over this. She was dishonest with you, but is that a dealbreaker? My bigger takeaway here is that your relationship was never as close as you might have thought it was, which is why she doesn’t know you well enough to know she could have been honest with you. She was still dishonest, and you can drop her with a clear conscience if you want, but I don’t know that it’s imperative. If you still enjoy her company, enjoy it. Just don’t trust her with anything important.