I (F23) recently graduated with a 3.91 CGPA. My senior year was a massive hustle; in my country, it’s rare for students to work, but I held a full-time job (earning 4x my professor’s salary) alongside clinical rotations. I lived in a private hostel, handled all my own chores, and survived on 2–3 hours of sleep.
My best friend of 4 years, "Sarah" (F23), lived at home with parents, a chauffeur, and domestic help. While our families have similar backgrounds, I was living independently in a different city. Despite my schedule, I outscored her and took on leadership roles that professors offered because I was bold and capable.
Throughout the year, Sarah became incredibly passive-aggressive, mocking my attendance in front of the class. When I confronted her, she flipped the script, claiming I had a "victim complex" and wanted "special treatment" because I worked. I never asked for favors; I simply did 100% of the requirements while exhausted.
We were research partners. Sarah insisted on being the first author alphabetically, a trick to get Lead Author credit. I did 70% of the work, including institution visits and writing the bulk of the thesis, while she acted like she was carrying me. I also provided nearly all the funding; her only financial contribution was paying for one shared ride.
Two major incidents occurred during this time:
– When I was hospitalized, she "forgot" to tell our supervisor, then claimed the supervisor was "furious" at my absence.
– When I sent her the final thesis to proofread, she literally deleted my name from the entire document, attempting to submit it as her own solo work.
Our new supervisor saw through her and insisted I be Lead Author. I swapped the names back, putting myself first, and didn’t tell her. On defense day, I handed her the printed copy with my name as Lead. She was shocked, and we haven’t spoken in the 8 months since graduation.
The Current Conflict:
We were recently asked by a journal to edit our research for publication. I am staying strictly "No Contact," only replying to the supervisor in the group email. I am not helping Sarah with edits or DMing her.
I feel like a mess because we were "package deal" best friends, and her voice is still in my head calling me a "victim." A mutual friend recently told me I was being "unnecessarily mean" and should apologize to make up for my "mistake." She thinks the authorship and the erasure weren’t a big deal.
I feel like I’m finally standing up for my hard work, but the social pressure is making me second-guess everything.
EDIT FOR MORE CONTEXT: Sarah and I were the top two students in our program. In earlier semesters, she outscored me by decimals; lately, I had been outscoring her. By erasing my contribution, she would have secured the top spot while I would have been left struggling to prove I even met the degree requirements. We both got the same grade for the project though.
I only mention the salary because Sarah was the one who shared that private information with our former supervisor. The supervisor then used it to humiliate me, and gave me a hard time / would say stuff like "Why does it matter what grade you get? You’re already earning 4x my salary". That led to me requesting a new supervisor – one who eventually instructed me to make those changes.
SECOND EDIT: For those skeptical about the logistics:
– The Sleep: I worked overnight shifts, did university stuff during the day, and slept in the evenings to manage it all. It wasn’t a performance, it was literally just survival.
– The Salary: I worked in a different field for a foreign company. Since I was earning in USD (where 1 USD ≈ 270 in my local currency), out-earning a local professor was actually quite simple.
It was important to mention those details to provide context for how hard I worked for something that she tried to sabotage, and I understand this reality might be difficult to imagine if you haven’t lived it, but please be kind. I’m not looking for pity, I’m looking for a fair judgment on the actual issue.
NTA. She is toxic and used you. You reclaimed what was yours.
>I held a full-time job (earning 4x my professor’s salary)
>Despite my schedule, I outscored her
I don’t know if YTA, but you certainly sound like you think you’re better than everyone else. You also sound as if you constantly made comments about having to work and how difficult and tiring it was to do everything.
The new supervisor even “insisted” that she put her name as the lead author. Why is she asking if she stole it if she was basically instructed to do it?
Is anyone else curious what type of job a student can work where (as a student) they make 4x the professor (who’s presumably an expert in the same field)?
NTA.
Assuming your side of the story is accurate, your friend isn’t much of a friend.
She can kick rocks.
2-3 hours of sleep? Im tempted to call bs on this whole story bc that sounds impossible to me. I feel dazed if i only get 5!
Plus what does it matter how much money she made? Such a strange way to write a post.
Definitely bullshit. Did lots of sleep dep in the army, worked a warehouse job while in college after I got out sleeping 2 hours twice a day, and it was only about 2 months before I could barely focus on anything for more than 5 minutes
NTA. This friendship has clearly run its course and does not need to be revived. Please tell me you’re at least back to healthier sleep schedule.
This is why I always hated group projects. There were always some group members who did nothing, or the minimum, but everyone got full credit.
You are NTA, however, if Sarah is guaranteed to be an equal effort provider, then you need to get published.
NTA. She’s a user, and you are an achiever. She tried to ride your coattails into success and gaslight you into accepting abuse, academic dishonesty, and intellectual theft. She was not your friend. The supervisor who interceded did you a service that you deserved. You owe her nothing, unless you wish to continue dispensing contempt, to which you are entitled
NTA, you did what your supervisor told you to. If she’s made she should take it up with them. She seems like someone you should remain no contact with!
NTA. Continue to be No Contact… apologizing or even talking to her will only make you look guilty of the lies she’s accusing you of. Also… be very careful around that mutual friend. She obviously doesnt have your best interest in mind and she already sounds like she’s closer friends to your ex best friend.
ESH – grossly exaggerating your struggles (it is not humanly possible to function on 2-3 hours of sleep for extended periods, ask anyone here who has children) *does* make you look like a perpetual victim. Talking about her privilege while highlighting your own struggles (which sound self inflicted?) makes you look like a perpetual victim.
What she did was wrong and she got what was coming but you still sound sucky.