I(18) F have been planning my nineteenth birthday for over a month. I had told my friends about my birthday a month prior to the date and they all RSVP’ed. It’s less than a week away now, and I was talking about the plans as a refresher in a group chat we have, my friend, who I’ll call Grahm (F18), is now unavailable to go because she has taken a shift at her new job. The only reason I am so hurt and upset by this is because these have been the plans for so long and she didn’t take the proper steps to call out of work and clear her schedule. It feels like she neglected something I’ve been looking forward to and is now mad that I told her I am hurt and disappointed about the change in plans. Me and her have been friends for 4 years and we haven’t hung out outside of our classes except for once or twice after school. I always see her hanging out with her other friends and making plans with them and it feels like she doesn’t value this friendship as much as I do. We are very close, even best friends, but now I feel like we are more distant as she sides with our other friends whenever there’s a disagreement. On top of this, another friend, Twinkles(F17) suggested that I just change the date of the party I have been planning for such a long time. I chose that date for a reason and I’m busy any other day! I don’t mean to sound selfish but it’s a party for MY birthday and now I feel like a bad person for feeling this way and telling my friends I’m hurt by the decision change. AITA?
No one sucks here, feel like fair enough you can be angry but at the same time a new job is pretty important ✌️
A little bit of YTA. She has a job. Sometimes you can’t move your schedule and it happens. If you think she’a prioritizing other friendships over your own then you’re not best friends. Sounds like you have larger concerns about where your relationship stands and it’s less so about this one particular party.
Edit: “YTA” is a bit harsh and I don’t think you’re even an AH in but I do think it’s more YOR.
Especially at a new job
Exactly! Now if this friend manages to move her schedule around for her other group of friends, it shows OP that this friend doesn’t value their friendship and OP can move on. Hopefully not. Being 18 is a weird space in life where suddenly everyone says you’re an adult but you’re really not and friendships can change during this time.
You can be hurt but she got a new job. They come above birthdays every day. Sorry. You could schedule around her new job though and celebrate both!
YTA you are being selfish. She needs to work. Your 19th birthday is nothing to anyone but you and your family.
YTA
Other people have lives, mistakes happen. You may be disappointed but this is minor. She’s missing a party, that doesn’t warrant yelling.
Your self centered and entitled.
YTA
if yall barely hangout and are ‘best friends’ seems like there’s a disconnect of expectation
no one is obligated to be your friend or celebrate your birthday and yelling at them doesn’t solve anything the decision has clearly been made. I’m sure if she was really your friend she would find someway to make it up to you, but not after you yell at her
Question: if the situation was reversed and you had just gotten a new job that had a shift conflict with a friend’s 19th birthday, would you be willing to risk that job to attend the birthday?
When you grow up, you’ll realize that everyone has a life with highs, lows, events, concerns, and things that conflict with others’ schedules. A supportive friend would be disappointed but also understanding that she has decided to prioritize her new job.
When you become an adult, you’ll realize it’s not all about you. It’s about how to handle things.
I hope you have a nice birthday. Good luck!
YTA – Guess what? Not everything is about you. Stop whining and acting like a 5 year old.
She might *need* the money and please dont say you know she doesn’t, nobody truly knows anyone else’s finances. Also if you’ve only hangout a few times in 4 years you aren’t close friends. Ive hung out with my best friend more than that in 4 years and we live across the country from eachother.
I hope you end up having a wonderful birthday.
YtA if you yelled at your friend. First of all, you should never be yelling at your friends.
Secondly she is not your best friend. She is your school friend. How can you possibly think shes your best friend if you’ve never seen her outside of school and dont talk to her 1on1? It kind of sounds like you are basically a friendly coworker to them
Third, she has a new job. Are you really that delusional that you think new hires are able to just book off time from work without repercussions?
Fourth, if everyone is picking other people’s sides and jot yours all the time, then I don’t know, reflect and think if you are the issue.
Fifth, it is a birthday. Get over yourself. You are not a child anymore.